Sunday, January 1, 2006

Consultants, Specialists, Who and Whatever it Takes!

What the heck is going on with you!!!! Pleas let it be that you were overcome with the spirit. If you wanted to scare me then you did a very good job of it. I prayed for you and prayed for you and prayed for you.

I would like to say you were overcome with the spirit, but then I heard that your headaches have returned. Were you experiencing a severe headache today? Have you seen anyone at the University of Chicago? I Strongly believe in the U of C. Northwestern is wonderful, Northwestern is great, but go to the U of C. I worked at both, Northwestern and University of Chicago and the physicians are just better at the U of C.  You must get a specialist from the U of C. Its imperative that you do this. I won't sleep until I know that you have done this. I won't rest until I know you have seen someone at the U of C. It is important to me that you do this. If you don't care about anything else do this for me please. I know you are probably seeing a specialist that',s really hard to get from Northwestern but Please Please, PLEASE ,see someone from the U Of C. I'm so worried about you. I don't know what I will do without you in my life. I need youto take care of yourself. Be selfish about wanting the best and only the best. I'm not going to sleep well until I know that you have seen someone from the U of C. Even then you need to make sure you have the right doctor. The physician referral is the best. Call them Tuesday. Do it. Let them refer you to the best doctor possible for your symptoms. Neurologist, whatever. Find the right specialist. It's important to have the right specialist. Just don't do nothing about it. These are just men. Don't settle for one or two or even three peoples opinions. Find someone who can tell you what it is and fix it. I believe it can be fixed and if not, find someone else. God will guide you.

I'm not playing the hokey pokey. One day I'm in love another day I'm not. Darling, darling, darling,  I am always in love with you, I just don't trust myself with this in person non communicating stuff. I know that I would just leave today if you said the word. I am hanging on your words. I don't know what will happen or how it will happen but I know something is going to happen. I know that you are important to me and I don't want to lose you. I worry why this journal has become so important and if this is going to be the only communication we have. If it is I don't ever want you to feel that I don't love you. You balance me. I don't believe that this journal is the only thing for us. I'm not going to see you again until Sunday. Tell me what I should do? What would make you happy. What would reassure you? What do we need to do to make you happy?  My heart longs to make you happy. I don't want to be the source of your unhappiness. At the very least I want to be liked. I like you, I want you to like me. I have a week until we are together again. Nothing but pray, praise and worship this week. Fasting included.

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