Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Happy New Year 2009



I pray that you have a vary happy new year's celebration. I Will not be there tonight. I'm not up to the challenge today.
I want to thank you for everything this year. How it has been a struggle for you health wise. It has not been easy. 2008 has seen you go through some very emotional and physical challenges. Thank God you have overcome and battled them to come out a winner at the end of this year. I pray that 2009 has a much better diagnosis for you. I pray that you are healthy and strong for this coming new year. 2008 is a year that will constantly be addressed in the history books. The year of the presidential election, the financial breakdowns, the huge layoffs and the horrible weather, and the horrible murder rate of our children. We lived through it and survived. What lessons have we learned? I just have to believe that 2009 is going to be better. I have to bring out that mustard seed of faith and let it grow. So I spend this new year's eve at home. No party, no celebration, just reflection and prayer. God bless you this evening. Be blessed and be a blessing to someone.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

If Something isn't working out, there's usually a good reason

When something isn't working out in our lives we try to force it. We resist the truth. Maybe the timing is wrong. Sometimes we know what the reason is an sometimes we don't. These are the times we have to trust in the wisdom of the Lord and the blessings of the Our Heavenly Father to bring us the right thing at the right time. I put my trust in God for the perfect timing of everything.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Hello

Choice.
My coice was to write a journal abou my feelings, thoughts and emotions about the things going on in my life. How I love and need Our Lord and Savior in my life andmy battle, my journey to stay on the path with God as my Leader and Master. My choice was to say that I loved a man. Wanted that man, needed that man in my life. Chose to write about that man and how I feel about him in my journal. I asked God to help me love him. Show me the way. Allow me to be happy and in love. Well, years later and many many journal entries later, I am still on that same quest. That same journey. But I have to look at where I am now, what is apparent and what is still elusive.
I HAVE A CHOICE. CHOICE. I am choosing to be in this situation. We make choice in our lives that affect who we are and what we shall become. We don't get into heaven by our deeds but then, we do have to treat others the way we want to be treated. We have to love one another as we love ourselves. We must care for the least. We are caregivers.
Its what in our hearts that is constantly checked and double checked. What are our true intentions? Do we have selfish gain on our minds, are we taking care of ourselves so we can take care of others? So with this miraculous choice I am asking for and wanting one thing and doing another.
This is like addict behavior. I want to be one way but for what ever reason I am not. How do they treat addicts? Intervention, rehab? Where do I go for intervention and rehab? I went to counseling and that was not helpful, If I followed his advice, I would have left the church and never returned.
Is it because I am scared that the task is too great. Do I doubt God that this is really for me? Do I believe we really have a future together? Am I choosing this life situation? If I have control to not talk then I must have control to talk. Well why do I keep saying I want to talk, to communicate more and then nothing happens. I'm tired of nothing happening.
Every day I sit at this computer to write. Every day. Lately, I just do not know what to say. I feel like I have said it all.
I Don't know where to go from here. I'm at an impasse. You have had such a year. You don't need this drama. I feel ridiculous. So I just keep doing the same old thing. Helping, volunteering, taking care of others and praying that maybe, just maybe some good fortune will happen for me in this area. Maybe God will show some kindness for me.
So this year I will not take on more responsibility. I will finish this National Board in March. I will then not take on any new projects, tasks or anything new. I will devote myself to developing my spiritual gifts, spending more time on my life. I will of course still have my care giving duties but I will try to limit them as much as possible.
Maybe I'm burned out right now and just depleted.
Why this one area? Why? Today I just had a mustard seed of faith. I am tired of nothing. But I said OK Lord, just keep on going.What to do now? Keep getting up. Keep facing him until one day its more than just hi and goodbye. So be blessed today and be a blessing.

Monday, December 22, 2008

Hello Darling

I got your sleeping bag.
I'm really excited aobut it. I wanted something that would keep someone warm in a cold weather environment. 25F is pretty cold.
I'll bring it on Wednesday.
I was blessed to see you tonight. I'm excited about the spiritual gifts and social justice work that we will be doing. What a blessing. I love you.
Good Night. Be blessed and be a blessing to someone.

I Believe

I believe that God wants me to know his word is true. I doubted and feared. I submit to God's Will. His ways are higher than my ways. His thoughts are higher than my thoughts. I commit my thoughts and my will to be agreeable to God's plans. I am his servant, I trust in his will in my life. I feared setting an example for anyone but I have to let God's will rule. God knows a pure heart. I pray that I am able and willing to talk and be the vessel that God wants me to be. Will my works show me to be faithful? A believer of the blessings of God? Glory to your name, Father God. You are worthy to be praised. My praises continue to go up and I pray that the blessing will come down. I believe in the promises of God.

Friday, December 19, 2008

Winter

Thank You Lord for today. I thank you for allowing me the opportunity to shovel snow. Wet, heavy snow. I am sore and tired tonight. Lord I know that each and every season is a blessing. In just four days we will celebrate the birth of your son here on Earth. HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESUS! I know you are not still wondering if I LOVE YOU!
God knows that I am totally and completely in love. I love the fact that I can think of things that are holy and pure when I am lonely or discouraged. I know God loves me and I believe that you do too. That's just my belief. I choose to believe that. God gave us free will and that is what I choose. There is nothing that can separate me from the love of Christ. I am a friend of God. God is concerned with the littlest of details that is in my life. It is not about me but about all of us. Teach me how to trust others and be a friend who sticks closer than a brother. Help me to walk in your love and show my self sincere and friendly. Help me to love.
Good night and God Bless You. Be blessed and be a blessing to someone. God loves you and so do I. Did you spend date night under Wacker Drive? I will have to find that sleeping bag tomorrow.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Perseverance

Pray unceasingly.
Today's event was very emotional. The mother touched all of our hearts. The message was clear. The pain was evident. God loves us and wants us to show love to one another. No one needs to buy more than one gun a month. Any one doing anything else is distributing them. Dont waver or give up. You are needed to get this done. I know it wears on your heart but you are needed. I love you for stepping up to the challenge.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Thank You Really, Thank You

There is nothing more genuine and loving than someone giving to children and women in need. Thank you for being so thoughtful and giving. The toy giveaway is always a blessing. Thank God you are there to help us at such a crucial time of the year. You may think that you are just the go between for someone to donate but they chose to give it to you so that you could give it to us. Without you it would not have happened.
Its a blizzard out there right now. I will have to see what it is like in a couple of hours to decide about the service tonight. I want to go. My heart wants to be near you and God. We will have to see if it lets up otherwise I am not going to spend two hours each way in traffic. Everything moves slowly when there is precipitation in the air.
I will have to wait and see what happens.Patience and Prayer.

Thank You???

Monday, December 15, 2008

Let Every Heart Prepare

Praise the Lord and Everything that is within Him. Blessed and Highly Favored. Thank You God for all of your blessings. Patience. I find patience when I am quiet and still. Reflecting on God's Word, Will, and Purpose in my life. Thank You for giving me the opportunity to try again each and every day. Not my will but God's will be done. Glory to your name.
I am blessed to have to be at your place three days this week. What a blessing. I will look at any and every encounter as a blessing. Lord I confess my faults and my offenses, my sins, my misdeeds. Lord I pray for healing and a chance to restore the spiritual tone of my mind and my heart. Forgive me of my sins. Prepare me Lord. Prepare my heart.
I brought my dad to church yesterday. I thought he would try to sleep but he was awake and listening. I think I will bring him on Christmas Eve. I think your message touched him. It touched me. You did a wonderful job. I will be purchasing a sleeping bag for you. I like to get people things that they ask for. I don't like guessing. Your heart is good.

Love one another, as I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another. John 13:34


I will walk in love towards you, my family and friends and those in need.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Hello

How are you? I miss not talking to you. I want to know what you think is my problem. What do you want me to do. I know you have an idea. Say it. Today was a busy day. I had breakfast with Santa. Got a glimpse of you this morning. Then I went to watch my middle school boys play in a basketball tournament. They lost but it was a good game. Then I went home and did a little shopping. Got ready and went back to the same place I was in that morning. Got to see and speak to you then. Then nothing. You did walk/run by me later in the evening. Should I have grabbed your hand. Followed you out. Found a reason or even no reason, just to close to you. Yes, I should have. Yes, I should follow you around. I should stay close to you. I should at least spend five good minutes with you. Quality time not quantity. Long lingering time.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

My Purpose

Father God I continue to lift you up and magnify your name. I pray that in my worship I will find my purpose. Lord I pray for families that are separated. Families that may have members in the armed forces. Preserve their marriage, cause the hearts of each member in the family to turn toward the other. I plead the blood of Jesus over our troops and their families. I plead the blood over any support system that will uplift, under gird and edify those who have been left to raise children and take care of families. Lord allow them to show wisdom in their decisions. Comfort the lonely and strengthen the weary. Lord I pray for the families that are hurting today. That have heavy hearts and minds. I believe that I have a role. Am I Jacob, the trickster,who hs stolen blessings and is constantly on the run. Am I Leah, the mishandled second choice, who later is revered. Am I Rachel, longing for and wanting her true love and waiting, not able to provide the king heir. I see myself in all of them. I am not perfect. I pray that I have the strength nd courage to walk into my purpose. I commit myself to God's Will in my life. I desire to do the right thing.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

My Name


Judith means "Praise or Jewess". It is the feminine form of Judah. Judith in the old testament is one of the wives of Esau. Judith is considered a parable. She is a widow who rescues her people by cutting of the head of the ruler who has come to take over her peoples land. Its very tragic and often depicted with her holding the head of Holphernes. She is shown to have great courage in a time of enormous risks.

I feel like I have to do something important to save my people.

I left tonight confused. I dont know where to begin on my confusion so I will struggle with it tonight. Be blessed and be a true blessing.

Monday, December 8, 2008

Personal Prayer

Lord I pray for all of those people who did not or could not pray for themselves this morning. I hold them in my heart as partakers and sharers of God's grace and mercy. Spiritual blessings and unmerciful favor. Father God you are my witness that I long for and pursue them with love. I pray for greater depths of acquaintances and fuller and richer conversations. I pray that I learn to sense what is vital. I commit myself to you God, anew and with new responsibility. I pray for our congregation today. For its fullness and growth. I pray for commitment, dedication and love. I know the wait is forever and ever and ever.

Friday, December 5, 2008

Preferences

The only preferences I have today is that I please God. I have two formal observations today and I am concerned. One is a reschedule and I have one that is scheduled. I pray Lord that I am not stressed and that I am prepared as well as I can be. Let my students be safe and controlled around me. Let me be knowledgeable of their expectations. Let it just pass. The only preference I have is to accept the way things are and to move on.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

I Take Nothing For Granted

One of my eighth grade students is missing. She cut school yesterday and has not returned home. We suspect she is embarrassed to face her papa. She is Hispanic and the family is very close. She's usually a very good girl. She might be pregnant. She's obviously with someone who is probably older and doesn't go to school either.Where ever she is its someplace that the other person is able to move about freely. I pray that that's the scenario, or something like that. I don't want it to be worse. It seems that every yea I have students pregnant, in jail, dropping out in eighth grade, all of those things that find inappropriate for these young people. What do you think? How was your day? I pray the pain is reduced and almost over. Now you have to find out what kind they are and what you are eating to cause them. This can be conquered. Its not over.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Hello Darling

Get Your INHERITANCE. I am entitled. I have a right. I have a blessing. My character is so important. We have been working on character analysis and traits in class. Character is defined as how one looks, acts, thinks, and speaks. That's the simple version. That God for you. You dont have to listen to everything the doctor tells you but you dont have the right to ignore their advice. Drink more water, find out what's the problem. Be strong and loving. It takes a real man to reinvest in his health and know that you are not just doing it for you but for me. Be blessed and be a blessing to someone.

Monday, December 1, 2008

What's Your Drug of choice?

Is it food, TV, relationship, shopping, exercise. Its not always a drug drug. Just about anything can and does perform the function of a drug in our lives. The trouble is we dont often know when we are under the influence and when we do know sometimes we dont care. I'm praying that you have a pain free night. I pray that you are well and know that you are loved very much.

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