WOW

What a revelation.

I have to think of how to say what I want to say. 

We are just cattle!

.THE GNOSTIC SOCIETY LIBRARY

Gnostic Scriptures and Fragments

The Gospel According to Mary Magdalene

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An excellent new print edition of the Gospel of Mary of Magdala. Read Dr. King's introduction to The Gospel of Mary of Magdala

Archive Notes:

The Berlin Gnostic Codex (or Papyrus Berolinensis 8502, as this ancient collection of texts is labeled for archival reasons) was apparently discovered in the late-nineteenth century somewhere near Akhmim in upper Egypt. It was purchased in 1896 by a German scholar, Dr. Carl Reinhardt, in Cairo and then taken to Berlin. This fairly well preserved ancient book or "codex" probably dates from the late fourth or early fifth century and contains Coptic translations of three very important early Christian Gnostic texts:  the Gospel of Mary, the Apocryphon of John, and the Sophia of Jesus Christ. The texts themselves date to the second century and were originally authored in Greek. (In academic writing over the last century, this codex is variably and confusingly referenced by scholars as the "Berlin Gnostic Codex", the "Akhmim Codex", PB 8502, and BG 8502).
Despite the importance of the discovery of this ancient collection of Gnostic scriptures, several misfortunes including two world wars delayed its publication until 1955. By then the large Nag Hammadi collection of ancient Gnostic writings had also been recovered. It was found that copies of two of the texts in this codex -- the Apocryphon of John, and the Sophia of Jesus Christ -- had also been preserved in the Nag Hammadi collection.  The texts from the Berlin Gnostic Codex were used to aid and augment translations of the Apocryphon of John and the Sophia of Jesus Christ as they now are published in Nag Hammadi Library.
But more importantly, the codex preserves the most complete surviving fragment of the Gospel of Mary (as the text is named in the manuscript, though it is clear this named Mary is the person we call Mary of Magdala). Two other small fragments of the Gospel of Mary from separate Greek editions were later unearthed in archaeological excavations at Oxyrhynchus in lower Egypt.  (Fragments of the Gospel of Thomas were also found at this ancient site; see the Gospel of Thomas page for more information about Oxyrhyncus.) Finding three fragments of a text of this antiquity is extremely unusual, and it is thus evidenced that the Gospel of Mary was well distributed in early Christian times and existed in both an original Greek and a Coptic language translation.
Unfortunately the surviving manuscript of the Gospel of Mary is missing pages 1 to 6 and pages 11 to 14 -- pages that included sections of the text up to chapter 4, and portions of chapter 5 to 8.  The extant text of the Gospel of Mary, as found in the Berlin Gnostic Codex, is presented below. The manuscript text begins on page 7, in the middle of a passage.
Further Introductory Material
We highly recommend Karen King's new translation with extended commentary, The Gospel of Mary of Magdala: Jesus and the First Woman Apostle.  Without explanatory and background material, it will be impossible for a reader unfamiliar with ancient Gnostic Christian writings to understand the Gospel of Mary. Dr. King's introduction to her book -- which we provide here in preview -- gives an excellent overview of the text of the Gospel of Mary and discussion about the discovery and surviving manuscript fragments. In subsequent chapters, Dr. King provides the contextual information a reader needs to understand the messages of this important text.
Read Dr. King's introductory chapter from The Gospel of Mary of Magdala: Jesus and the First Woman Apostle.
We also additionally recommend the first three books listed to the left: Mary Magdalene, First Apostle by Ann Brock; The Resurrection of Mary Magdalene: Legends, Apocrypha, and the Christian Testament by Jane Schaberg; and Mary Magdalen, Myth and Metaphor by Susan Haskin. There are many books now available on Mary of Magdala, some of questionable value. These four books are among the best and together offer an overview of the Magdalen in history and myth from a wide variety of perspectives.
Lectures on the The Gospel of Mary Magdalene are also available in our The Gnosis Archive Web Lectures collection.
-- Lance S. Owens

---

 

The Gospel According to Mary Magdalene
[The Gospel of Mary]

Chapter 4

(Pages 1 to 6 of the manuscript, containing chapters 1 - 3, are lost.  The extant text starts on page 7...)
. . . Will matter then be destroyed or not?
22) The Savior said, All nature, all formations, all creatures exist in and with one another, and they will be resolved again into their own roots.
23) For the nature of matter is resolved into the roots of its own nature alone.
24) He who has ears to hear, let him hear.
25) Peter said to him, Since you have explained everything to us, tell us this also: What is the sin of the world?
26) The Savior said There is no sin, but it is you who make sin when you do the things that are like the nature of adultery, which is called sin.
27) That is why the Good came into your midst, to the essence of every nature in order to restore it to its root.
28) Then He continued and said, That is why you become sick and die, for you are deprived of the one who can heal you.
29) He who has a mind to understand, let him understand.
30) Matter gave birth to a passion that has no equal, which proceeded from something contrary to nature. Then there arises a disturbance in its whole body.

31) That is why I said to you, Be of good courage, and if you are discouraged be encouraged in the presence of the different forms of nature.
32) He who has ears to hear, let him hear.
33) When the Blessed One had said this, He greeted them all,saying, Peace be with you. Receive my peace unto yourselves.
34) Beware that no one lead you astray saying Lo here or lo there! For the Son of Man is within you.
35) Follow after Him!
36) Those who seek Him will find Him.
37) Go then and preach the gospel of the Kingdom.
38) Do not lay down any rules beyond what I appointed you, and do not give a law like the lawgiver lest you be constrained by it.
39) When He said this He departed.

Chapter 5

1) But they were grieved. They wept greatly, saying, How shall we go to the Gentiles and preach the gospel of the Kingdom of the Son of Man? If they did not spare Him, how will they spare us?
2) Then Mary stood up, greeted them all, and said to her brethren, Do not weep and do not grieve nor be irresolute, for His grace will be entirely with you and will protect you.
3) But rather, let us praise His greatness, for He has prepared us and made us into Men.
4) When Mary said this, she turned their hearts to the Good, and they began to discuss the words of the Savior.
5) Peter said to Mary, Sister we know that the Savior loved you more than the rest of woman.
6) Tell us the words of the Savior which you remember which you know, but we do not, nor have we heard them.
7) Mary answered and said, What is hidden from you I will proclaim to you.
8) And she began to speak to them these words: I, she said, I saw the Lord in a vision and I said to Him, Lord I saw you today in a vision. He answered and said to me,
9) Blessed are you that you did not waver at the sight of Me. For where the mind is there is the treasure.
10) I said to Him, Lord, how does he who sees the vision see it, through the soul or through the spirit?
11) The Savior answered and said, He does not see through the soul nor through the spirit, but the mind that is between the two that is what sees the vision and it is [...]
(pages 11 - 14 are missing from the manuscript)

Chapter 8:

. . . it.
10) And desire said, I did not see you descending, but now I see you ascending. Why do you lie since you belong to me?
11) The soul answered and said, I saw you. You did not see me nor recognize me. I served you as a garment and you did not know me.
12) When it said this, it (the soul) went away rejoicing greatly.
13) Again it came to the third power, which is called ignorance.
14) The power questioned the soul, saying, Where are you going? In wickedness are you bound. But you are bound; do not judge!
15) And the soul said, Why do you judge me, although I have not judged?
16) I was bound, though I have not bound.
17) I was not recognized. But I have recognized that the All is being dissolved, both the earthly things and the heavenly.
18) When the soul had overcome the third power, it went upwards and saw the fourth power, which took seven forms.
19) The first form is darkness, the second desire, the third ignorance, the fourth is the excitement of death, the fifth is the kingdom of the flesh, the sixth is the foolish wisdom of flesh, the seventh is the wrathful wisdom. These are the seven powers of wrath.
20) They asked the soul, Whence do you come slayer of men, or where are you going, conqueror of space?
21) The soul answered and said, What binds me has been slain, and what turns me about has been overcome,
22) and my desire has been ended, and ignorance has died.
23) In a aeon I was released from a world, and in a Type from a type, and from the fetter of oblivion which is transient.
24) From this time on will I attain to the rest of the time, of the season, of the aeon, in silence.

Chapter 9

1) When Mary had said this, she fell silent, since it was to this point that the Savior had spoken with her.
2) But Andrew answered and said to the brethren, Say what you wish to say about what she has said. I at least do not believe that the Savior said this. For certainly these teachings are strange ideas.
3) Peter answered and spoke concerning these same things.
4) He questioned them about the Savior: Did He really speak privately with a woman and not openly to us? Are we to turn about and all listen to her? Did He prefer her to us?
5) Then Mary wept and said to Peter, My brother Peter, what do you think? Do you think that I have thought this up myself in my heart, or that I am lying about the Savior?
6) Levi answered and said to Peter, Peter you have always been hot tempered.
7) Now I see you contending against the woman like the adversaries.
8) But if the Savior made her worthy, who are you indeed to reject her? Surely the Savior knows her very well.
9) That is why He loved her more than us. Rather let us be ashamed and put on the perfect Man, and separate as He commanded us and preach the gospel, not laying down any other rule or other law beyond what the Savior said.
10) And when they heard this they began to go forth to proclaim and to preach.

The Gospel According to Mary

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My Sympathy, I didn't know

I saw you with a new puppy yesterday. I didn't know that your dog, Imani,   had to be put to sleep. News trickles down slowly. Terrence told me when I took him home.  I am sorry to hear that. I pray that this new puppy will be a joy and blessing to you.

I almost wrote the evening you told me Barbara was on Oprah. I recorded it and also watched it. I was very grateful. You showed me kindness.\\

Praise the Lord

I was driving in today, late, and something came to mind. I thought that because I had not seen RB anymore that maybe you had a falling out and he left. I pray that you did not think he was the one who sent me the porno email or made the lewd comment. The email was our wonderfully married hispanic friend, AC. The comment was our friend with the two crutches R. Please tell me his departure had nothing to do with this nonsense. I say this cause I know you can get a little crazy about stuff sometimes and I think that may have been one of your buttons that was pushed. Please Dear Lord, don't let that be the reason. If it is you need to make amends, immediately. Good Night, God Bless You and I Love You.

Hosea Chapter 1:2

Do you think that the problems in our society are because the people do not take responsibility for themselves or because the government is not taking responsibility for the people? Hosea's answer would be yes. He saw both as being at fault.  Hosea attacks theology, morals, economy and politics during a time when there was social injustice, religious prostution, sexual immorality and sales of idols and souls. God is passionately concerned for both the responsibility of the individual as well as the society to care for and to give justice to the poor. I am particularly inyerested in chapter 1verse 2.

Hosea 1

 ¹ The word of the LORD that came to Hosea son of Beeri during the reigns of Uzziah, Jotham, Ahaz and Hezekiah, kings of Judah, and during the reign of Jeroboam son of Jehoash ^[a] king of Israel:

Hosea's Wife and Children

 ² When the LORD began to speak through Hosea, the LORD said to him, "Go, take to yourself an adulterous wife and children of unfaithfulness, because the land is guilty of the vilest adultery in departing from the LORD." ³ So he married Gomer daughter of Diblaim, and she conceived and bore him a son.  ⁴ Then the LORD said to Hosea, "Call him Jezreel, because I will soon punish the house of Jehu for the massacre at Jezreel, and I will put an end to the kingdom of Israel. ⁵ In that day I will break Israel's bow in the Valley of Jezreel."
 ⁶ Gomer conceived again and gave birth to a daughter. Then the LORD said to Hosea, "Call her Lo-Ruhamah, ^[b] for I will no longer show love to the house of Israel, that I should at all forgive them. ⁷ Yet I will show love to the house of Judah; and I will save them—not by bow, sword or battle, or by horses and horsemen, but by the LORD their God."
 ⁸ After she had weaned Lo-Ruhamah, Gomer had another son. ⁹ Then the LORD said, "Call him Lo-Ammi, ^[c] for you are not my people, and I am not your God.
 ¹⁰ "Yet the Israelites will be like the sand on the seashore, which cannot be measured or counted. In the place where it was said to them, 'You are not my people,' they will be called 'sons of the living God.' ¹¹ The people of Judah and the people of Israel will be reunited, and they will appoint one leader and will come up out of the land, for great will be the day of Jezreel.

IT'S TIME

Well Lord today I go back into the nonsense. We will see if I have a better attitude or if I am just full of it. I know that I dealt with the family much better and that I will deal with the children much better too. Its all in how you look at a situation. Thank you Lord for allowing me to listen to last Sunday's sermon again and I heard something different from when I listened the first time. Maybe my state of mind was very different and unstable then. It sounds like I read more into it personally than was really there and I think I am mistaken about some things. Or maybe they were always there I just didn't notice them before. Well Lord I am here to serve you, to do your will and to make what ever sacrifices you want from me. I am yours to do what you need. Thank you Lord for loving me and continuing to give me direction and guidance. I pray that I hear your words and follow your call.

Home Finally

I made it. Through no fault of my own, mind you.

I was at that airport waiting and waiting and decided to have some hot wings. I had not had fried food for two weeks and now I decide to try some.

Along with two long island teas. Oh My God. I didnt know how horribly  acute acholol affects you in in the air.

 I was throwing up from almost the time we got in the air until we landed. It was horrible.

Then changing planes, trying to get comfortable, still nauseated but nothing left to come up or out, trying not to get any sicker.

 In cramped seats. What a day. Now I have to get ready for tomorrow. I am renewed.

 I can handle this I am ready to move forward where ever God wants to take me.

I am ready for a new thing to happen in my life and I look forward to that relationship with God.

 A new season of growth.

Home

Okay, so I am sitting at the Stingers Ray's lounge in Maui listening to 70's music, drinking long island iced teas (I am on my second one and that is more than enough considering I spent the better part of the day with my new friends from Canada drinking margaritas and mai Tai for the day.
Surprisingly enough I am not drunk. I think I am nervous about the 11 hours of travel time. I think I kinda of want to confess my undying love just in case anything happens, which I know it won't, because
God is not finished with me yet, but just in case, know that you ar the only,only true love f my life and in that it has probably been since 1995, that was when I quit Northwestern Hospital and I know I was devoted to that institution that you hold dear to your heart. I love you and can not wait to see you again. I wonder will it be the same or will it be different. I feel different, but I don't know what the reality will be like. I know that I love you and come what may, I am ready to stand the storms of good and evil with the man I love.

Thank You Lord

The Faith Community of Saint Sabina, October 10, 2010,  11:15am service, the Reverend Father Dr. Michael Louis Pfleger sermon

When you are going through stuff, you can praise God even in the midst of your struggles.

You can praise God. God I will give you some glory.

I will praise him all by myself. The praise is automatic. It will burst out of you. Thank you Lord Jesus I give you glory.

When you get to that place, when you have that kind of praise, you don’t need anyone to validate you.

You give God praise just because you want to praise him. You will break protocol, rubrics and everything else.

You will get to a point in your life where if nobody else will praise him you will praise him.

If it had not been for God…I’m one of them. What’s so interesting is that there are still people who look upon praise with that cynical eye.

You ought to have some control, some self respect, some dignity.

Is there anybody who has had a but for God experience. You will start to open your mouth and praise him.

When you have a but for God experience that picked you up when life was trying to wipe you out, you will know that God is good and his goodness eclipses the badness of what I’m going through.

I will bless the Lord at all times. I will give him glory. Psalm 107 begins with two words…give thanks…we give thanks when someone has done something for you.

When someone has brought you a gift. It warrants a response.

Now unfortunately we live in a day where there are a whole lot of ungrateful folks. They just take things for granted.

Enter his gates with thanksgiving, enter his courts with praise. He’s done some stuff for me.

God told Joshua and the Israelites when they came out of the river, build an altar right here.

When you come through some stuff, God wants you to remember that you did not do this on your own.

By the blood of Jesus I am still here. Thank you God.

Children aren’t real grateful. They just expect. You are suppose to do this for me.

Adolescents start to become a little more grateful, just a little. Then they become demonic. They just throw the clothes around that you bought. You sacrificed so they can have something.

When they pay for it they take better care of it and guard it.

Jesus came to me when I couldn’t get to him. If you knew the cost, you would understand why I am so grateful and why I am so thankful.

 It was the goodness of God for me to get here this morning. The goodness of God makes me say thank you.

When you are lying in the bed just say thank you. Somebody didn’t get up this morning. You ought to be grateful.

Give thanks to the Lord for he is good (and his mercy endures forever). It is not about a circumstance or situation, its his character. Its not about something he’s done, it’s his character.

God is good. When you get to that point, He is good. All things work together for the good of those that love the Lord. He is good. That’s his nature.

He woke me up. That’s his nature. Job is blessed in the end. When Job is going through, Job could still declare that he knows his redeemer.

We can see the goodness of God because it’s personal. My praise is personal. We take getting up in the morning personal.

We thank God for whatever we have. We thank God for things that we take for granted and complain about.

His mercy, his love endures forever. God loves me and gives me mercy with all my stuff.

Some of us have a little bit of truth and can confess to some stuff going on in my life.

God still loves me. How can God still love us with all the junk still in us. God recognizes the potential in us when others don’t see it.

 God sees stuff in me. He sees my potential, my possibility.

 Imagine if we begin to look at each other with the same love that God has for us.

God loves me so much. God loves me in the pit and in the good places.

 God doesn’t have mood swings. We humans have mood swings. We try to figure out what changed from yesterday to make us feel this way now.

I am so glad God doesn’t have mood swings. God loves us unconditionally. He gives me mercy, everlasting to everlasting, because he sees the potential.

 God’s got enough love to love me until I get it right. Give thanks because he has done stuff for me.

His mercy has done stuff for me. Let the redeemed of the Lord, say so. He has redeemed them from the hand of the foe.

I was in the devil’s hand. I was born into sin in this world. Let the redeemed of the Lord say so.

 When someone is lost at sea, it is a rescue, and then it becomes a recovery. I am so glad that God didn’t stop rescuing me.

If you have been redeemed by him then there is a responsibility to say so. We can fool people,but neighbor, I don’t look like what I have been through, nor am I where I want to be, but thank God I am not where I was.

Behind this perfume and behind this smile is a person with a story that most people don’t know about. Don’t be fooled. Everybody has a story.

 But God redeemed me. My past was trying to kill my future but God redeemed me. He redeemed me.

 That’s why I have to open my mouth. The text says, let the redeemed of the Lord say so.

Let the devil know that you are not intimidated.

 No more shackles, no more chains, no more bondage, I am free. Freedom. I love you, I love you , I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you I love you, I love you I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you...there is no end to it.


Psalm 107

BOOK V : Psalms 107-150

1 Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good;

his love endures forever.

2 Let the redeemed of the LORD say this—

those he redeemed from the hand of the foe,

3 those he gathered from the lands,

from east and west, from north and south. [a]

4 Some wandered in desert wastelands,

finding no way to a city where they could settle.

5 They were hungry and thirsty,

and their lives ebbed away.

6 Then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble,

and he delivered them from their distress.

7 He led them by a straight way

to a city where they could settle.

8 Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love

and his wonderful deeds for men,

9 for he satisfies the thirsty

and fills the hungry with good things.

10 Some sat in darkness and the de

God Has Blessed Me

Thank You Lord for EVERYTHING!

Lord you are my everything and I am blessed just to be able to say that and recognize the truth of that statement.

 Lord my prayers are for everyone.

I pray that we are able to realize that the sun does in fact come up tomorrow.

We are never in the valley forever. It is how we look at the situation.

My life has many challenges and triumphs. I am an overcomer and I have come out of this situation wiser, stronger and more resilient.

When you think you can't make it anymore, you can't take it anymore, you have reached the very limits of what you can handle, God steps in and says, not yet my love.

I have more for you to do. Rest, rejuvenate, restore, but come back to me. Come back and see how I love you.

You are the apple of my ey. I am with you always. I am with you in the fire, in the storm, and in the desert places of your life.

I am with you always. I love you unconditionally.

Now I need you to love yourself just a little bit more than you have been.

Take the time you need and I know that you will come back to me in the end.

True to his word, God has been with me, encouraging me, each and every day to see his love for me.

 Thank you God for allowing me to wallow a bit in self pity.

Thank you Lord. I love you. My Love, I miss you.

Productive

Well I am starting to get my head together. I feel much better than I did a week ago when I arrived.

 I have spent a lot of time in prayer and quiet reflection. My God, My God. It is so good to spend time with you.

I was able to complete one lesson plan for next week. That was an accomplishment in it self.

Now I just have to get the other three done. I think it will happen. I am more focused and relaxed.

I can even start to talk to people with getting upset. That is another accomplishment. I was taking any and everybodies head of the minute the said something that didnt agree with me.

 It was my way or the highway.

One thing I do not like here are the flying insects. When I am walking or moving they are no problem but when I am just sitting, I become their feast.

There is always the balance of good and bad in any place. I keep forgetting to get the OFF or something to keep them off of me.

Today, I will get it and watch out insects, I will no longer be your meal.

What to say....I miss you, I love you and can't wait until I see you again. Be blessed and be a blessing to someone. I love you.

Determination

When God sees that you are after his heart, his people, he will give you what you need. God wants us to finish our mission.

Continue to pursue his purpose here on earth. God wants me to keep going on. Don't give up.

I can listen to about five minutes before it cuts off completely but I love those five minutes. You read the verses to me. You read the lines to me.

I am yours and you are mine.

Good seed endures rough winters.

We all know about King David's adulterous relationship, he had her husband killed and he did the right thing and married her eventually. Eventually.

Solomon was born and he would rule Israel during its transition period. Solomon was give the opportunity to ask God what he wanted and he replied wisdom to rule his people.

He wanted to do the right thing by his people. God honored that request and gave him more.

That's where it cuts off and refuses to play anymore.

I thank God I did listen to the whole message on Sunday.

I love to hear the sound of you voice. It makes the hairs on my arm stand up. It perks up everything in my body.

I listen to just those five minutes over and over again.

Granted I have to sit at the door of my room to get the wifi connection, if I don't want to go to the lobby and sit with my computer, but that's OK.

I'm going back to the whale education center today and then up to whalers village to check that out. I hope to be very knowledgeable about whales before I leave here on Sunday. I have a lot of ideas for a unit.

I'm thinking about applying for a new program that will make me a principal in a year. There's good and bad with that and I have to find out if that's really for me. Info session when I return. It has a six year commitment and that scares me. I know that I will need to change some things when I return to school.

Well my love, I will continue to think only that he loves me and I love him. Be blessed today and be a blessing to someone. I love you.

Song of Songs

My Love, My Love

...do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires. Song of Songs 2:7,3:3

I listened as best I could but it kept going in and out. I wish I had a better connection. That's why I love the CD's in the car. I'll have to wait until then to hear it completely and wholly. But I was able to get the gist of your message. Soon, real soon, something will change. Hang on in there and continue to believe. So I will do just that. I will continue to wait for you.

Serenity

Well Lord it has been two weeks since my last post and a lot has changed and a whole lot is still the same. I am in a place that I was told God lives or at least visits a whole lot of the time. I think I have found Him. The Great I Am. The Author and Finisher of my life. I have struggled with what to say to you now. I have nothing left to say that seems to make any sense to me so I will keep it short.


Do I clear my mind of every thought that has come into it for the past two weeks or even two months? Do I dwell on my misery knowing that others have their own sufferings? Do I explain that I am a survivor and this too shall pass? Am I the same, different or a mixture of both? I am a child of God and I pray that my thoughts and words are from Him. I show honor and glory and devotion and loyalty to my God. Without Him where would I be? I found God for myself in a little Baptist church in Boise. Then I was going through a crisis also. That’s the last really big crisises I went through. God came into my life then and he has stepped in now. I have been here three and a half days and I am finally beginning to think clearer. Not clearly, just clearer. I pray that on October 10th, I will be able to return with a new outlook on life. I pray that I will find what I am searching for or at least directions or a map with a big “X” marks the spot. I was disillusioned about so many things and when I came here I thought it would lift my spirits. I walked the first day for about two miles. I saw a beautiful sunset and when I got off the plane and smelled the ocean the knot in my neck and back just went away. I kept to myself, I didn’t have dinner or anything else to eat, and food hasn’t been a priority for me lately. I prayed most of the night away, sleeping only a few restless hours here and there. When I did wake, I watched their public TV station to see what was going on here and what were the important issues that affected the people of this island. Day broke and I began to get ready to go out and see the area. I walked across the street to the ocean. Laid on a beach chair and just stared at the ocean. Later I went down to the whale education center and had a class on the humpback whale. I’ll be going back there a few more times; I plan to do a lesson and a video hook with skype for my class. I have never been much of a animal rights person but if I had to take up a cause I would take up theirs. Then I walked down the road. The very BUSY road, to the shopping center, about two miles away, to get lunch, remembering that I had not eaten the night before or had breakfast. As I was walking, I passed a roadside fruit stand and I stopped. I managed to get two really nice oranges. I don’t want to try the other fruits because I don’t know if I am allergic to it or not and I am too sensitive to plants, fruits and stuff. I am not going to the ER for an allergic reaction; I didn’t bring my epi-pen either. Then there is the coconut man on the other side. He’s an older black man, came to the island to get away from it all, I found that to be the case for a lot of the men here alone. He of course gets me to start talking about why I am here, I tell him and the first thing he does is offer up sex, to help relieve my tension, of course, no commitment. I am stunned. Not that he offered but that it was the one thing I kept telling myself that I needed before I got here and I had actually vowed to have sex with the first available person who would marry me, thank God I’m not in Las Vegas, I might be married now. I said I wanted to be married first this time. But I wanted sex, I needed sex, that’s the only thing to relieve my tension, sex. I had not kept myself in a forced celibate period to just break down when the next big crisis came into my life. I wanted a committed relationship. I wanted a husband. Why God didn’t I have a husband? Was I that horrible? Am I not good for somebody? Isn’t there someone out there to love me for me? Can I not find true love somewhere? Then I began to look at the majority of black women and the fact that they too were single, handling crisis all by themselves and the people around them and the media was always talking about the black woman being a superwoman. Well you can kiss my superwoman ass, I don’t want to be a superwoman, didn’t ask for it, that was society’s way of compensating for the destruction of the black family. Look how well the women are raising their children alone. Yeah, look, and look real hard. I want a man, I want a family, I want a husband that I can love and who loves me. Why must we settle for less? God wants the family to be whole and complete. God didn’t make us to just live alone and survive. The single woman’s mantra has been “I will survive”. We have generations of black women without men. In my own household I saw my mother, married three or four times, looking for love and a supportive husband, but in reality finding abusive, womanizing, child molesting men. But then there was something wrong with her because don’t we always blame the woman. Though there really is something wrong with her, but who doesn’t have their faults. My daughter, managed to find the same type of man; abusive, dysfunctional on so many levels, and generally irresponsible to his child. Where was I to look? I had been married but in those seven years, I too found a man long ago who was a womanizer, addict, drunk, and abusive in his own way. Often times the abuse is not only physical but mental as well. While he was never physically abusive to me there was the emotional and verbal abuse. I understand he moved on to the physical with his next wife. So where was my man Lord? Where is someone I could live with and go through crisises with? I didn’t want just any man, I wanted a good man. A God fearing man, a contributor to society, one who believed in the common good. Why were we not able to have good men in our lives? We loved men, we wanted a man, and we wanted a good man. Where was my man to comfort me and hold my hand and place his arms around me? Well God reminded me that I had pushed men away for many years. It wasn’t because I was mooning over the loss of my marriage. I knew the day we got married that it was wrong and I had made a mistake but I was in it now and I would give it a try. It was doomed from the beginning. I went into it for all the wrong reasons. It was all about sex. Outside of the bed we had nothing to talk about, no other connection. We stumbled along trying to make it look good on the outside but knowing that we were not compatible. I take as much blame as I put on him. I wasn’t giving it my all. I was angrier at him over the split financially than I was emotionally. I had to rely on my father to send plane tickets and a moving company so that I could bring my daughters and my stuff back home. Here I returned in shame, divorced, with two children, alone. I lived in my grandfather’s basement for nine years. Then I met you. You touched my spiritual heart. You brought me out of my darkness and I began to believe again. I began to believe that God still loved me and was calling me beautiful. But I saw the south and west side crumbling. My daughters were in danger. So much so that before I left Idaho, he took me to court to say that the city was too dangerous to raise his daughters in and that he and his new wife would be able to provide a much better home for them and that I was kidnapping his children and taking them across state lines without his permission. This was when parents were really kidnapping their children and you heard about it in the news all the time. Everything is not always as it seems. Glory Be to God, what was he thinking, this was my home and I would protect them, no harm would come to my daughters, they would be safe and well taken care of. Well the judge would have none of that. He took the children from me, said I could return but the children had to stay. What was I suppose to say, thank you? The father has rights and he is married with a stable home and he can provide for the children. What!!!! This can’t be happening to me. I love my children. Maybe some women would have jumped at the chance to unload their children on the husband in a divorce but not me. So I started thinking. He owed me thousands in back child support and I knew he was hoping by taking the children, he wouldn’t have to pay and just maybe, I would have to pay child support to him. I arranged to meet him at Burger King that same day of the judgment, and proposed a deal which he immediately jumped at. I would take away half of the payment that the judge told him to pay in a week and agree to stretch the other payments out over the course of a year if he gave me sole custody. I would allow him to keep them for the summer, 8-10 weeks, and come out for holidays, and go on any family vacations with them. Thank you God, I had my girls back. I still had to leave them there for 10 weeks, but I knew I would come back for them. Even then, in 1989, the city was horrible. Its reputation alone almost cost me my children. What if he had said no? What if the judge continued to agree with him? Would I have been better off, would my daughters have been better off, who knows? Life has a way of making you think about those decisions that you make during turmoil and crisises in your life. I returned that summer, alone, dejected and discouraged. No job, a little money, few friends that I still kept in touch with. No one met me at the airport; I took a 40 dollar cab ride to the south side, once I found a driver who would even take me. I get to my grandfather’s house, he’s sleeping, he’s neither happy or sad to see me because my other brother had stayed with him for a while and he stole money and credit cards from him so he’s not exactly sure what to think of me. It has been twelve years since I lived in the city and at least six years since I last saw him. But we make it work. After reuniting with my best friend from childhood, I began to make a life there. I found a job, got my kids in Catholic school and sheltered them as much as I could due to the fact that I had to work. I found out today that my oldest was attacked but never told anyone. While going to the corner store, just a few feet away from the house, a group of children, started throwing rocks at her, hitting her, and took the stuff that she purchased at the store. I felt bad because a similar incident happened to me when I was young. My mom had just moved to 46 and Vincennes. I was walking through the alley to the store to buy something with my 35 cents. A boy came up to me, held a knife to my throat and stole my money. I was so scared at the time. I know she must have been too. I also realize that we are not the only girls who have been robbed and attacked by these young thugs. Even today I know it still goes on. Now I find out that my baby was in fact in harm’s way again. What was I suppose to do? Not allow them to ever leave the house? Become prisoners because of these bad ass kids? We started talking about that because of the fact that she told me today a woman, older, had shot a boy because he and others were throwing rocks and bricks at her house and this time the brick hit her in the chest. To protect herself, she purchased a gun. Well, she used it. I applaud her for standing up to the thugs. Women have been the victim in so many ways. Of course I can hear the outcry. They are just children, they didn’t mean it. Yes they did. I deal with these children every day in school. Parents who don’t know or care what they do when they send them outside or to school. Everybody can’t be saved. We saw that when God brought His people out of Egypt. We have a choice and they cannot terrorize us forever. It’s wrong. There is a need for balance between good and evil and right now evil has a whole lot more weight on the scales right now. Not to say that there will never be balance, but right now, today, it’s gone, it’s lost. God help us. Hear the cries of your people.

So anyway back to my celibacy. You touched my spiritual heart and brought me even closer to God and myself. I pulled myself together, got a better job, went back to school and finally, I was able to save my daughters and leave the hell hole. We lived right across the street from Corliss High. We had shootings and kids running through the yard almost every day. We were in the “wild hundreds”. You can talk about folks leaving the city but it’s a reality, we have to save “our” children’s lives and our own. I kept the faith, continued to contribute, work in the community, tithe, march, protest and commit my time and money to a cause to help the black community of the city I grew up in and still loved. You were and still are a strong supporter of uplifting the suffering, poor, black community to become a thriving and productive family community. You believe that is possible and I am in agreement with you on that. But it’s a dream. Is it possible, yes, but will we see it in our time, I don’t know. It’s like being in slavery. Yes it did finally end in 1864, but what about the person born in 1764. More than likely they would live and die in slavery. Never seeing a change, unless they were fortunate enough to escape to freedom, and even then, fear of capture and being returned. Never give up hope. With hundreds of years of oppression prior and truly another hundred in captivity, with another hundred to go before a bill to grant civil rights was instituted in 1964. I have to see myself as “a” player and not “the” player. God took my imposed celibacy of not wanting sex until I had a husband seriously. So what happens, I fall in love with the spiritual genius of my heart. We sure as heck have not had sex but we have a spiritual connection. Did anybody read Thorn Birds? Well not me, but I remember the basic plot of the mini-series on TV, which I didn’t watch either. My thought, OH MY GOD, what are you doing now!!! He’s a man of God for Christ sakes. Maybe you forget I was catholic, maybe not a good catholic, but none the less, he was special and sacred. He was no ordinary man. Well after years of conflict over that, I realize that you are in fact a man and that you might even want a relationship with a woman and then that the woman was me. OH MY GOD! I’m going to hell for sure now. Stop this right now. You cannot have him. Not him. Then God said to me, isn’t this who you asked for? I gave you what you asked for. Yes you did Lord and you surely gave me someone honorable, loving, just, loyal, devoted to God and maybe even financially secure. Why didn’t I jump, immediately? I tried to leave but my heart, not my mind drew me back and continues to draw me to you. Some days I think I would have done anything to have you “know me” in the biblical sense. I had to pull away. I couldn’t disgrace you or have you disgrace yourself with me, ‘cause you were ready. Then all the other stuff came, distractions to pull you back. You had to make hard choices. You were vulnerable and I knew it. I had to stay away. I would not let dishonor or humiliation come on you because of me. That came at a cost. I needed the physical you and not just the emotional and spiritual you. I would listen to you in the car and long to be with you. I knew you were listening and maybe even watching and I hated and loved it. Hated because I wanted you there with me, you don’t have to check on me from afar, be with me. Loved it because it meant you were thinking about me, loving me in your own way, the best way you could at that time. But then my need for the physical being took precedence over the spiritual need for you. I needed you to hold me and tell me everything was going to be ok and the hug in the line just wasn’t doing it for me. So I made a choice, if I can’t have you physically then who can I have as a complete package. Spiritually, emotionally and physically. That’s when I remembered my dear friend from London. I emailed him that I was going through some really tough emotional times and I need some money for a vacation. He sent it right away and wished me well. We really hadn’t talked in years and hadn’t seen each other in more than ten years. I knew he cared for me and he held a very special place in my heart. We have know each other for 31 years. He was my immediate supervisor in London. He was there the day I got there and stayed the whole time I was there. He was married but his wife left him and left him with a two year old daughter. He was seeing another girl and they eventually married. She died about maybe ten years ago. It might not be that long, I’m not sure. But I say all of this to tell you that my contacting him and bringing him back into my life is because I am ready to get married. I want a husband, friend and lover. I need someone to help take care of me and for me to take care of them. I can’t do this alone thing anymore. The battle is too hard for me right now. There are too many forces attacking me and I need help. Nothing has happened with us, but he is willing to talk to me, willing to help me financially and willing to explore some new possibilities. He sent me to the place that you love. I had to see it. I needed to renew my mind, body and soul. You have always had knowledge of my spiritual needs. Were you ever meant to satisfy my physical needs? Were you to only be my counselor and spiritual healer? Have I fallen in love with the teacher? Is it just infatuation? Am I hoping against hope with you? Am I waiting for something that really is not ever going to happen? Talk to me Lord, help me on this. So anyway, so much for just a little note. I will be back tomorrow. Time for some walking and thinking. I have dumped a lot from the brain, now it’s time to fill up again.

The Systematic Slaughter of My People

Dear Mayor Daley,

My mother always loved your father. She said he would take care of black folks. She said that Daley Sr. would have a good paying job for black people, one they could earn a living off of so there was enough money to take care of their families. I have not seen those traits in you. Your inactive nature towards the black community is shameful. The number of schools failing due to parents living in total poverty is terrible.  Maybe she was lead down the path with your dad and you knew the truth about his feelings towards blacks. I would like to think the child is not continuing the sins of the father. Having the projects torn down because you and your dad took the point of view, no money to the low income blacks, don’t take pride in nothing over there. Up lifting the poor does not reflect badly on the society as a whole. There are many countries that pride themselves on caring for everyone, equally. Why we are singled out and given the shaft I just don’t know. I know you want to show yourself as a fair and equal politician. I commend you for coming out to march against the violence and being a strong supporter of Father Michael Pfleger but I am just totally floored and disappointed to see the figures in the paper about CPS. You are in charge of our children’s education and you have chosen to allow them to be at the bottom of the barrel. I am so disappointed in you. I had hoped for so much more from you. I think I might have voted for you when I returned to the Chicagoland area in 1989.  Wages have stayed stagnant for the minority and you have done nothing but put them in harm’s way. Money, money, money is what the problem is. You’ve been to the neighborhood; you know what’s going on. There was always a social class structure with the people of color in your city. When you (father/mayor) built the projects it was a blessing. When you neglected it, it became a curse. When you took people who have been oppressed and neglected for years and moved them into the middle class black communities, they were not able to sustain the huge economic drain on the community that large amounts of black people would need. So you let the schools and neighborhoods fail. Chicago is built on neighborhoods. I just have to ask, what were you thinking? Did you really think good was going to come out of this? Now you have utter chaos in the black community and white community is wondering what can/are you going to do? I have no answers, just questions, why, how, what were you thinking?

Dear Police Superintendent Jody Weis,

Our schools need help. We are sitting ducks. Your police officers are sitting ducks. You have allowed children, CHILDREN, TO DICTATE TO YOU WHAT TO DO. IT IS TIME TO BRING IN THE NATIONAL GUARD AND PUT YOUR FOOT IN THE BEHIND OF THESE CRIMINALS.

Your actions show no concern for human life in this community. Get this city in order OR turn it over to someone who can do it. National Guard is to be used in such extreme situations. Let them guard something they can be proud of, our community. I am so disgusted with you and Mayor Daley. You show huge support for a faith based solution but not willing to put the force behind it to make it work. We need legal guns running something RIGHT now. Right now. Right now. My children are traumatized at our school. They are in the same locale of the most recent shooting on 65^th and Drexel. They are traumatized beyond measure. How do you think they feel now? How are we supposed to teach our students under this pressure? God will judge what you do to handle this situation. How dare you show such disregard to the black community? Katrina will be nothing compared to the national black slaughter of our children. How dare you sit by and do nothing. Crime is down. Who cares, we are dying out here. We are dying out here. Help us please.

Sincerely and with much respect for your positions of authority.

Accountability

Uncomfortable and inconvenient that's what accountability is. I have done as well as I can possibly do under the circumstances that I feel I was faced with. My decisions may not have been the right ones but I made them. I stand alone in that knowledge. I know that under scrunity my work will show to be flawed. I can only imagine that I hit the button twice. Now I have to pay 1200. for her overpayment which was my fault. Then tomorrow, I go to the lawyer and have the financial stuff looked over and my ability to manage it these last four years, which again will show to be lacking. I did my best at the time. I could have made different decisions but that happens to be the one that I made.

Matthew 25

The Parable of the Ten Virgins

 ¹"At that time the kingdom of heaven will be like ten virgins who took their lamps and went out to meet the bridegroom. ²Five of them were foolish and five were wise. ³The foolish ones took their lamps but did not take any oil with them. ⁴The wise, however, took oil in jars along with their lamps. ⁵The bridegroom was a long time in coming, and they all became drowsy and fell asleep.  ⁶"At midnight the cry rang out: 'Here's the bridegroom! Come out to meet him!'
 ⁷"Then all the virgins woke up and trimmed their lamps. ⁸The foolish ones said to the wise, 'Give us some of your oil; our lamps are going out.'
 ⁹" 'No,' they replied, 'there may not be enough for both us and you. Instead, go to those who sell oil and buy some for yourselves.'
 ¹⁰"But while they were on their way to buy the oil, the bridegroom arrived. The virgins who were ready went in with him to the wedding banquet. And the door was shut.
 ¹¹"Later the others also came. 'Sir! Sir!' they said. 'Open the door for us!'
 ¹²"But he replied, 'I tell you the truth, I don't know you.'
 ¹³"Therefore keep watch, because you do not know the day or the hour.

The Parable of the Talents

 ¹⁴"Again, it will be like a man going on a journey, who called his servants and entrusted his property to them. ¹⁵To one he gave five talents^[a] of money, to another two talents, and to another one talent, each according to his ability. Then he went on his journey. ¹⁶The man who had received the five talents went at once and put his money to work and gained five more. ¹⁷So also, the one with the two talents gained two more. ¹⁸But the man who had received the one talent went off, dug a hole in the ground and hid his

master's money.  ¹⁹"After a long time the master of those servants returned and settled accounts with them. ²⁰The man who had received the five talents brought the other five. 'Master,' he said, 'you entrusted me with five talents. See, I have gained five more.'
 ²¹"His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!'
 ²²"The man with the two talents also came. 'Master,' he said, 'you entrusted me with two talents; see, I have gained two more.'
 ²³"His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!'
 ²⁴"Then the man who had received the one talent came. 'Master,' he said, 'I knew that you are a hard man, harvesting where you have not sown and gathering where you have not scattered seed. ²⁵So I was afraid and went out and hid your talent in the ground. See, here is what belongs to you.'
 ²⁶"His master replied, 'You wicked, lazy servant! So you knew that I harvest where I have not sown and gather where I have not scattered seed? ²⁷Well then, you should have put my money on deposit with the bankers, so that when I returned I would have received it back with interest.
 ²⁸" 'Take the talent from him and give it to the one who has the ten talents. ²⁹For everyone who has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him. ³⁰And throw that worthless servant outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.'

The Sheep and the Goats

 ³¹"When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his throne in heavenly glory. ³²All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. ³³He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.  ³⁴"Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. ³⁵For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, ³⁶I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'
 ³⁷"Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? ³⁸When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? ³⁹When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'
 ⁴⁰"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'
 ⁴¹"Then he will say to those on his left, 'Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. ⁴²For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, ⁴³I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.'
 ⁴⁴"They also will answer, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?'
 ⁴⁵"He will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.'
 ⁴⁶"Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life."

Give Me Wisdom

What to do, what to do. My world has changed overnight. Woke up yesterday to my father gasping and gurgling, eyes rolled back and in a diabetic coma. Call 911, they come quickly, they give him a dextrose bolus and he begins to return to normal. What the heck is going on!!!! Why am I the one checking his blood all the time? Why doesn't he take any interest in his health? Why is he so distant about his health? So I think I am OK, I go to work. I get through the morning and I stop to tell my Asst. Principal that I will be out for two days and suddenly I break down and just start crying uncontrollably. Where is this coming from?  My principal comes in and gives me the hard talk, death, nursing home, power of attorney. She's been through this with her own mother.  He'll be mad but he will get over it. I don't want to have guilt racking me day and night on what I should have done, but didn't. Take Charge Carthan. Now I'm really bawling. No one ever mentioned death. I knew it was imminent, but I didn't think of it. So I am sent home for the rest of the week. Handle my business are my instructions. How do I mention nursing home? Long term health? I can't do it 24/7. What do I do? What are the cost? Can he hold out until November for me to change his insurance and get the long term health insurance? Should I make a decision even if he doesn't want to do it? How do I even start the conversation? Remember, I don't want to have been able to do something and not have done it. How do I do what I need to do? God help me. Give me knowledge and wisdom.

2 Chronicles 1

Solomon Asks for Wisdom

 ¹ Solomon son of David established himself firmly over his kingdom, for the LORD his God was with him and made him exceedingly great.  ² Then Solomon spoke to all Israel—to the commanders of thousands and commanders of hundreds, to the judges and to all the leaders in Israel, the heads of families- ³ and Solomon and the whole assembly went to the high place at Gibeon, for God's Tent of Meeting was there, which Moses the LORD's servant had made in the desert. ⁴ Now David had brought up the ark of God from Kiriath Jearim to the place he had prepared for it, because he had pitched a tent for it in Jerusalem. ⁵ But the bronze altar that Bezalel son of Uri, the son of Hur, had made was in Gibeon in front of the tabernacle of the LORD; so Solomon and the assembly inquired of him there. ⁶ Solomon went up to the bronze altar before the LORD in the Tent of Meeting and offered a thousand burnt offerings on it.
 ⁷ That night God appeared to Solomon and said to him, "Ask for whatever you want me to give you."
 ⁸ Solomon answered God, "You have shown great kindness to David my father and have made me king in his place. ⁹ Now, LORD God, let your promise to my father David be confirmed, for you have made me king over a people who are as numerous as the dust of the earth. ¹⁰ Give me wisdom and knowledge, that I may lead this people, for who is able to govern this great people of yours?"
 ¹¹ God said to Solomon, "Since this is your heart's desire and you have not asked for wealth, riches or honor, nor for the death of your enemies, and since you have not asked for a long life but for wisdom and knowledge to govern my people over whom I have made you king, ¹² therefore wisdom and knowledge will be given you. And I will also give you wealth, riches and honor, such as no king who was before you ever had and none after you will have."
 ¹³ Then Solomon went to Jerusalem from the high place at Gibeon, from before the Tent of Meeting. And he reigned over Israel.
 ¹⁴ Solomon accumulated chariots and horses; he had fourteen hundred chariots and twelve thousand horses, ^[a] which he kept in the chariot cities and also with him in Jerusalem. ¹⁵ The king made silver and gold as common in Jerusalem as stones, and cedar as plentiful as sycamore-fig trees in the foothills. ¹⁶ Solomon's horses were imported from Egypt ^[b] and from Kue ^[c]—the royal merchants purchased them from Kue. ¹⁷ They imported a chariot from Egypt for six hundred shekels ^[d] of silver, and a horse for a hundred and fifty. ^[e] They also exported them to all the kings of the Hittites and of the Arameans.

Take time to grieve

What must I take time to grieve about? How have I been complacent and prideful? I must take time to pray over the people that I have lost and remember to ask God for his will in my direction. Lord, I miss the loss of my friend. I miss the fellowship. I move forward knowing that I have to forgive in order to be forgiven. I give of myself expecting nothing in return. My loss is too great to continue this stalemate. There is no winner here.Peace is what I desire.

Are You Married to the Lord?

So you blame your relapse on Sin City. You were all caught up in the nonsense and it just over took your senses. There's a reason why its called sin city. You have to remember that you are a man. A human being, born with all of the same carnal wants and desires of any other human being. Just because you have become the bride of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ does not mean you can go into the devil's playground and walk away scott free. That kind of life gets in under your skin. There is so much more nastiness and evil in places like that than you will ever know and I know you have seen a lot of sin but just imagine that there is still even more. You thought you were prayed up and safe but obviously you were not. Know your limits. I have never been to Vegas and never had a desire to go. When I drove through the state of Nevada on my way to San Diego for family counseling I knew there would be problems. Its a desert. The whole flipping state is a desert basically. On my way back I was involved in an accident. I saw a huge snake on the road, I tried to avoid it, I cut the wheel too much and I was suddenly in a rollover. The car went over and over and over. We finally stopped on the other side of the highway, facing the opposite direction of traffic. The protection of the Lord was on us. I had my seatbealt on. My daughters were two and four. The baby was just tossed about and wrapped in the covers and blankets I had in the back seat for them. I didn't know the importance of child safety seats then. My oldest was thrown from the car but not until we basically landed and she literally bumped out of the back window. All of the windows were shattered. I had cuts and bruises all over my body. When the car stopped I looked for my babies. I found one and couldn't find the other. I found her at the back of the car, eyes, rolled to the back of her head. I cried out in a loud voice to God, please Lord, don't take my baby. I kept repeating that. She started crying and I thanked God. We were in the middle of the desert, not a soul around. Suddenly, a car came, it was a family in a camper. They had water, towels and a cb radio where they could call for an ambulance. God is good. This was before cell phones. They took us to the nearest hospital then helicoptered us to a hospital in Reno. I was on my own, my husband was in rehab in San Diego, that's why we had made the trip in the first place. Thank God for insurance and American Express. I have no love for Nevada. God wrapped that car up when it was rolling over and we literally came out of that with bruises and minor cuts. I know the Lord is real, he saved me and my babies that day. For years I couldn't tell that story without crying. We were blessed. The car was totaled, it was brand new too. I knew then and I know now, material things can be replaced but a life is precious and worth more than anything. That's why I could care less about things. Thank You God for this new car now, but if you take it away, I will still survive. Thank you God for the house, the clothes on my back, the job, but if you take it away, I still have My Lord and Savior, the Almighty, The King of Kings, The Mighty Counselor. If I lose it all today I know that Jesus will protect me and loves me. My Lord is my Husband, My Lover, My Friend.

Hosea 2:2-3:5 (New International Version)

Israel Punished and Restored

 ² "Rebuke your mother, rebuke her,
       for she is not my wife,
       and I am not her husband.
       Let her remove the adulterous look from her face
       and the unfaithfulness from between her breasts.  ³ Otherwise I will strip her naked
       and make her as bare as on the day she was born;
       I will make her like a desert,
       turn her into a parched land,
       and slay her with thirst.
 ⁴ I will not show my love to her children,
       because they are the children of adultery.
 ⁵ Their mother has been unfaithful
       and has conceived them in disgrace.
       She said, 'I will go after my lovers,
       who give me my food and my water,
       my wool and my linen, my oil and my drink.'
 ⁶ Therefore I will block her path with thornbushes;
       I will wall her in so that she cannot find her way.
 ⁷ She will chase after her lovers but not catch them;
       she will look for them but not find them.
       Then she will say,
       'I will go back to my husband as at first,
       for then I was better off than now.'
 ⁸ She has not acknowledged that I was the one
       who gave her the grain, the new wine and oil,
       who lavished on her the silver and gold—
       which they used for Baal.
 ⁹ "Therefore I will take away my grain when it ripens,
       and my new wine when it is ready.
       I will take back my wool and my linen,
       intended to cover her nakedness.
 ¹⁰ So now I will expose her lewdness
       before the eyes of her lovers;
       no one will take her out of my hands.
 ¹¹ I will stop all her celebrations:
       her yearly festivals, her New Moons,
       her Sabbath days—all her appointed feasts.
 ¹² I will ruin her vines and her fig trees,
       which she said were her pay from her lovers;
       I will make them a thicket,
       and wild animals will devour them.
 ¹³ I will punish her for the days
       she burned incense to the Baals;
       she decked herself with rings and jewelry,
       and went after her lovers,
       but me she forgot,"
       declares the LORD.
 ¹⁴ "Therefore I am now going to allure her;
       I will lead her into the desert
       and speak tenderly to her.
 ¹⁵ There I will give her back her vineyards,
       and will make the Valley of Achor ^[a] a door of hope.
       There she will sing ^[b] as in the days of her youth,
       as in the day she came up out of Egypt.
 ¹⁶ "In that day," declares the LORD,
       "you will call me 'my husband';
       you will no longer call me 'my master. ^[c] '
 ¹⁷ I will remove the names of the Baals from her lips;
       no longer will their names be invoked.
 ¹⁸ In that day I will make a covenant for them
       with the beasts of the field and the birds of the air
       and the creatures that move along the ground.
       Bow and sword and battle
       I will abolish from the land,
       so that all may lie down in safety.
 ¹⁹ I will betroth you to me forever;
       I will betroth you in ^[d] righteousness and justice,
       in ^[e] love and compassion.
 ²⁰ I will betroth you in faithfulness,
       and you will acknowledge the LORD.
 ²¹ "In that day I will respond,"
       declares the LORD—
       "I will respond to the skies,
       and they will respond to the earth;
 ²² and the earth will respond to the grain,
       the new wine and oil,
       and they will respond to Jezreel. ^[f]
 23 I will plant her for myself in the land;
       I will show my love to the one I called 'Not my loved one. ^[g] '
       I will say to those called 'Not my people, ^[h] ' 'You are my people';
       and they will say, 'You are my God.' "

Hosea 3

Hosea's Reconciliation With His Wife

 ¹ The LORD said to me, "Go, show your love to your wife again, though she is loved by another and is an adulteress. Love her as the LORD loves the Israelites, though they turn to other gods and love the sacred raisin cakes."  ² So I bought her for fifteen shekels ^[i] of silver and about a homer and a lethek ^[j] of barley. ³ Then I told her, "You are to live with ^[k] me many days; you must not be a prostitute or be intimate with any man, and I will live with ^[l] you."
 ⁴ For the Israelites will live many days without king or prince, without sacrifice or sacred stones, without ephod or idol. ⁵ Afterward the Israelites will return and seek the LORD their God and David their king. They will come trembling to the LORD and to his blessings in the last days.