God's Blessing

God has given me the opportunity to heal.

I no longer have summer school. The kids wouldn't come so they had to cut two teachers. I was one.

I really don't feel bad about it. I was not feeling well, I never got over the sinus infection I had a month ago and it just kept getting worse. I left school, went to the doctor, got some stronger antibiotics and I am just going to rest this week.

I have so much to do anyway, this just gives me a chance to pack up daddy's place over these next four weeks before I have to start over again. So I must relax. Time is of the essence. No pressure. I just have to stop being a bitch. Calm down, chill and try to find this nice person that has been missing for a while. Try to reconnect with my friend. Let my spirituality resume its natural high point in my life. Let me be me. Let me connect with God. Its God, family, friends then career.

Being honest, I did want to get new flooring but I will have to wait. I thank God that I still have a job to go back to in the fall. I still worked for two weeks so I have some extra money, I have to decide what to repair, renew or vacation. Now the choice is not easy.

I have to look at the pros and cons for both. But the good news is I don't have to decide now because I wont have it all for another three weeks. I than God for letting me have a little respite early on this month. That was a big help to offset the change in paydays and the fact that they are taking a day away, one they paid us for but now want it back. The nerve.

But money isn't everything, it just allows you to know the difference. Every decision cannot be based on money. A man's heart may devise a way but the Lord directs the steps. Proverbs 16:9

I will try to be humble, humble my self. Make a sacrifice. Sacrifice something important to me.

Honor God and He'll Honor You

I am Sorry.
I don't know why God has put you with a crazy woman like me. Sometimes I see a lot of myself in your mother. I can relate to her very well. I know I am an emotionally needy person and I have to constantly feel loved and needed. I need to show that love also. I need to be forgiven. I'm sorry. I will try harder to do my part.

Keep Watch

I say Hello.
When you dont know what to say just say "Hello"

How are you? What's new.

What Do You Think?

I think that one day you will announce your retirement and say that you are starting a new life with_________________(fill in the blank with whoever is your latest and longest interest). I will be sitting in the stands thinking. " Well isn't that just like him to have a woman and get married". I don't see myself in that picture. I used to see myself and now I don't.

I'm watching the movie "Sabrina", one of my favorites and I see my self wishing on a star that is just out of reach.

Either I reach it and find myself waiting alone many long nights while you are out with someone, doing what ever it is that men do to save the world while their women wait at home. Or, you decide that we are not ready and we wait.

Is there a point where you can say to yourself that this is really as much knowledge that you will have before you marry me? Can you believe that God has set you up with an arranged marriage with someone that you have not even talked to in depth? Do you trust God enough to believe that I am the one? Do I follow you with this? Do you and I actually walk this walk? Do I believe that this is the point where you and I are to really make that commitment? How much time will this take? How much time do we really have?

Not Yet

I am watching Jaws.

This is really a good movie. I havent seen it in a while and I find it really entertaining and quite funny.

Reminds me of church folks.

Thank You Jesus, Thank You Lord

I am now done with the National Board. No more testing no more, books, no more, studying late night and every Monday or Wednesday

I prayed and prayed that God would bring to my mind the questions and the answers that I might see on this test. It was all prompts and essay and I recognized every one of them. Lord, Lord, Lord. How do you thank God for helping you study the right things and for doing the right things this past year. No one can know for sure if I answered them correctly though. Did I write the things that they wanted to hear? I wont know until November. They give us the results around Thanksgiving time. Just in time to give us peace of mind before the year is out. We either rejoice or just say oh well. I know what ever happens with this, I am done with the National Board. It kicked my butt. I was over my head and I knew it. I plugged along and I just prayed and prayed. You need a certain frame of mind and some seriously good organizational skills to do that. I had neither. I just thank God that I didn't quit, and come what may, I finished this process. This was one of the hardest things I have ever done. Now it will rest in peace.

Hello, how are you? I am back. I'm here. I missed you. I pray that maybe we will become more up close and personal. I wonder what is the real cost of discipleship? What do we have a deep sense of urgency about? What is Jesus demanding of us explicitly and implicitly? Short term cost for long term benefits. What has been so costly for me to follow Jesus? We search for peace. Peace is elusive. Do we have an excuse for not following Jesus? Not today, let me do this first, as soon as I get this done, Let me tell my mother, father, let me bury someone, let me say goodbye to someone first, let me do something else first, then I will follow Jesus....
How do we establish our priorities so that Jesus is first and first alone.

Just some wonderings and thoughts after reading Luke 9 and 10.

I have been trying to read DuBois, The Souls of Black Folks. It was a purchase of mine in 2003 to commemorate the 100 year anniversary of its publication. I tried to read it Dr. King's book Why We Cant Wait while I was in Paris but I was too distracted. I picked them both up recently and have begun to read them again.

I bid you good night now. I am blessed and highly favored. My heart is filled with joy and I shall bless the Lord at all times and His praise shall continually be in my mouth. I praise you Father, Lord of heaven and earth. Be blessed and be a blessing to someone. Good Night Sweetheart.

Abide in Me and I Will Abide in You

If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, you shall ask what every you will and it shall be given to you. - John 15:7

Abide in, Live in, Meditate on, Dwell in, Spend time with it, day and night. Fill our minds and our mouths, and let it guide our every movement and our every thoughts. Let it play in your mind like a favorite song.

If i listen to the word within me, I hear a scripture that is the answer to my situation. I am delivered by the word of God that is dwelling in me. Abide in the Word, Meditate on it day and night. Let God provide the answers. If I stumble I know you are there to catch me.

Together we invite the Holy Spirit to work on our behalf, whatever is brought to our remembrance from the Word, we will act on it, we will be obedient to God's every command and we will make quality decisions that reflect our willingness to abide in God's Word in our lives. We will over come and conqueror. We are the head and not the tail. God lives in us and we are heirs of His kingdom. We love the Lord and the Lord loves us.

I'm sorry that I had to leave early last night, I thought it was going to really be an hour and a half, not a real bible study. I had to pick up my daughter and grandson from O'Hare. I am hoping that the recording is so we can begin to see video of bible study, and I pray that it runs in its entirety.

Be blessed today and be a blessing to someone. I love you.

I Never Take You for Granted

I pray that you don't think I take you for granted. I am always happy, elated and excited when I know I am going to be around you. I know you don't like a lot of praise but you deserve it.

Organizing the groups together for the peace rally was just ingenious. You have to talk to the ones who can take it to the children who are committing these crimes.

Unity service continues to grow with diversity and power. There are more people coming to the services, or at least the seats seem to be filled.

The church looks really nice on video. I really like the video.

I feel bad when I read what I wrote about that woman. I sound so selfish and self centered. Am I really that bad? My excuse is you really don't know what it is like to be in this situation. I really am nice to her, to a certain extent. Now I'm back pedaling. Well I know what the situation is and after Friday I have an eight week break from her. I think the stress of the National Board is still on me. I have the final test on Monday and I am so ready to get it over with. I will not try to retest.

I look forward to this break. I need it. Even though I will do summer school, its not the same. It will be third graders and its Mon-Thurs, 8:30 - 12:30. No Fridays. I want to get new flooring for the house. I will try to do something every year. One thing.

What would you like for me to write about. I always seem to talk about myself. That must be boring. It sounds so self centered. I pray for a change this year. I want what God wants me to have. I pray that I am more receptive to God's will. Less of me and more of Him.

Be blessed and be a blessing to someone. I love you.

Getting Priorities Straight

What would someone observing me for a week think my priorities are? Where is God in the midst of all these priorities? We are all pulled in a myriad of different activities and directions. Where is God in all of these priorities?

What have we started to build but then put aside because of opposition? Has God called us back to work on that building again? Its time for us to finish rebuilding the temple of God. God is within us and we are his people.

...Give careful thought to your ways. You have planted much but harvest little. You eat but never have enough. You drink, but never have your fill. You put on clothes but are not warm. You earn wages, only to t=put them in a purse with holes in it.... Haggai 1:5-6

Haggai 1-2 the Lord gives us the ultimate message, I am with you. Be strong and work, for I am with you. Give me your priorities God and I pray that I will be work your priorities, not mine.

Friends

Why is it that some people think they can force you to be their friend? I will be civil to them but I will never be their friend. I refuse to bullied into being your friend. If you have to tell others that I wont be your friend and that I probably don't like you, well how in the world do you think I will become your friend through coercion? How dare you think you can bully me into being your friend? Is this the only way you know how to get a friend. I am 51 years old. I have a grandson and two grown children. I take care of my mother and father. I am not looking to have a friend who is as needy as you seem to be and obviously want me to just call you up on the phone and answer every silly text that you decide to send. I am not like that and definitely not like that with someone who is forcing me to be their friend. I will not be friends to someone who teases me all the time. grow up. Get a life. find someone your own age to play these silly games with. Why have you decided that you want me to be your friend? I didn't ask this woman to be my friend. We are colleagues and that's as far as I want to take it. I stay professional with this woman and she still wants more. This woman is full of take, take, take, she wants from me but is not willing to give anything. This is a working relationship and I am forced to even have to consider her feelings because she is friends with my boss. They want me to be nice to her. How am I suppose to be nice, I can be civil but you cannot force me to be nice. I will not answer her text after hours, I will not call her or make plans to meet her after work hours. I don't want to hang out with her. She needs a friend and I am not the one. I don't have time for her. I have too much on my plate right now and she is annoying.
Even as I say this I hear you saying God placed her in your path for a reason and he probably did but I think I have definitely failed this test. I do not want to be bothered with her and I look forward to next Friday when I don't have to see her for six weeks. I know she thinks she is God's gift to man but I can do without her in my life. Thank you Jesus for giving me a discerning heart.
This woman has been a thorn in my side for 9 months and I will not change that attitude until she is not in my life for a time.
PRAY FOR ME AND HOPE THAT GOD WILL SHINE A LIGHT ON ME TO SEE THIS WOMAN'S WORTH IN MY LIFE BECAUSE RIGHT NOW I AM JUST COUNTING THE HOURS UNTIL SHE IS OUT OF IT.

Thanks Anyway

I knew you were booked. I just hoped against hope. You sort of prepared me on Sunday with the analogy of the dinner your mom had prepared and the look on her face when you told her you had already eaten. You were already booked. Whatever that look was that you remember, I had it today. But, I got over it and I plan to see if you can come either the second or third week in August. Almost two full months away. We start back early, so hopefully, June and July will not be as bad as predicted and expected.
Yesterday was very good. I think you did a great job and I was very much into the service. I love being on the altar. The fact that I can see you and feel closer to you is amazing.
Thank you for saying you would try to clear up some time on Thursday but I know you knew you couldn't do it. You didn't want to disappoint me.
I'm not angry I do understand.
Be blessed today and be a blessing to someone.