Epiphany

I had an epiphany today that really opened my eyes.

I have been struggling and struggling with this journal and I have been coming up with nothing lately. Tonight, while in NMNB, I was listening to her tell a story about how she disobeyed and how when she went to a conference she got nothing out of it. God just seemed to speak to my spirit and say, see, I have been telling you to be diligent and obedient with my journal and you haven't done it, so I haven't been putting anything in you to put in the journal. When you are obedient, then I will bless you. I have been trying to understand why the journal and God says its not for me to understand. This journal was not for me but for him. I continued to see little indications like, when I would say this journal was my only link to you and how I needed to write in the morning and how I would feel guilty if I missed a day. All of that and more was an indication that I need to be more respectful of this link. I was not treating it right. I wasn't giving it my all. I was not giving it the importance it deserved. If  I couldn't handle a journal how could I ever expect to handle a relationship. I said yes to God, I said I wanted this and I wanted to do God's will. I believed this was what God wanted me to do but I had to trust him. Trust works both ways. I have to trust even when I don't understand. Trust him and know that He is God and believe Him at all times. So my commitment to the journal has to begin tonight. Commitment is so important. It's not just a word. I plan to make a time commitment to the journal. I will have an entry in, every morning, by 6am. I have picked that time because that will have to be the schedule when school starts back. I will be out of my comfort zone, I will have to be dedicated and diligent. Its like my spirit said, you have been doing what you want with this journal, placing entries anytime of the day and saying anything to please you, now I want you to please me. Show some concern for the person reading this and show me that you can be diligent. I just have to be respectful and obedient. those were the two words that just seem to repeat. There was more but this was important for me to say. So I will from now on make sure there is an entry every morning by 6am. My promise. My commitment.