What is going on???

There was a pull back from you. It wasn't just me this time. There was hesitation on your part. And I have no IDEA what was going on with Mr. T.

 It has never been anything and never, never will. I don't know why I am defending this but there were some awkward moments. I'll just begin to ignore him like I do others.

Why does this have to be so hard.

All previous do's and don't are off for me. We can talk about the journal. We can't live like there is no journal. Then we aren't being honest to our selves. We have to be in the open with ourselves. Even thought this is "private" between us the contents have to be acknowledged between us. I have to say we have to change the rules, upset the game, make this a new level. I can't  continue with the distance. At least we can acknowledge the togetherness in some aspect of our lives. If its all me, then that's not good. I have too much control in this. I relinquish it.