Classroom Party

Today was our classroom party. I'm so glad its over. They had a good time. I had a good time and now its time to go on vacation. We need a rest from all of this good times stuff. I took so much flack for having a holiday party. My children were the only 7th or 8th grade class to have a party and I was told by the VP that they could have a party. Why did the other teachers ask me why I was rewarding my students with a party because of all the bad behavior they exhibited. I just told them I'm new, I felt they needed a party. Everything is so negative there. The upper grades never get anything. The reason is always their behavior but sometimes I think the behavior is because they don't get anything. I think its easy for me to say because I'm new and not calloused yet. I hope never to be that jaded. Sometimes you can't help it with the big ones though. Most of them are raising themselves and just think they are grown.

I am sorry for the short entry this morning. I was so distracted, didn't sleep well, up too early, reading the bible and studying Moses and the people who complained and murmured and doubted God's ability to fulfil his promise. They lost their chance to enter the promised land due to their doubt and unbelief. When God spoke to Moses and told him they could not go into the land, they decided to go anyway and were defeated. They spent forty years in the desert, so that the children who did not know slavery could be the ones to enter the promised land. Why are we as a people so hard headed. The Jews saw the miracles that God performed. They ate the manna he provided daily, yet they still didn't believe in his ability to deliver them in the promised land. We let our eyes and our external abilities predict our success. When will I just depend on God and not myself. Just stop wondering and rest in God's peace and knowledge that he loves me and will protect me and knows me and knows what I need and want. I keep wondering when, how, where God will work in my life for this really big thing and I know I have to rely on him no matter what. I must believe in the future and let him guide me to my future. Not knowing how, not knowing when, just knowing it will happen is driving me bananas. Its amazing that I can tell when you are doubting and call you on it but when I begin to doubt I think it's ok when it really isn't. I just want to get that solid feeling and knowledge that this is it, this is permanent and this is forever. Where is that feeling? When does that come? Why does it come and then go? What can I do to keep it? Is that the leap of faith? Just feel that way no matter what? I'm just questioning stuff again. Not wavering, just meandering, just wondering. Don't be angry, I'm jsut tired and stressed. Long days, and long nights without much sleep has me thinking entirely too much. Have a good night and be blessed.