I have been trying to be the worst I can be and then the almost best I can be. The worst is to send him away saying I dont want anything to do with this crazy woman. But Im not really that crazy. I just have to remember that I have a goal at the end of this and thats something that seems so distant sometimes. Somedays I am reminded of it and the fact that I want something else. Inside it just requires me to bring something out and up. When I do that I feel the tears and I wonder can I handle this? Have I taken on more than I can do? Am I really going to make a difference? Should I just forgive and forget. Move on, keep my head up and not be concerned anymore. This could take years and years. What the Hell!
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