God Is So Amazing

God is so amazing.

I was wondering what the early morning reading was about and of course it was designed to be my warning. My prediction of my day to come. Your job will be challenged.

God knew that I would be challenged with the things that I met today. First, I was given my "debrief" of the observations. My management skills are lacking for this school. I have been told to curse at the students. Yes, curse. Now I was a sailor and even now I can still have a potty mouth but to be told to curse at the students to get their cooperation is just a little too much for me. That's what they do. From the principal down to the lowest assistant, curse at the students. They tell me this is the only thing that they know and that they will respond to. I know I have a problem with classroom management. I asked for a lower grade but in the CPS system, especially at inner city schools, the lower grades are generally given to the white teachers. There has never been a white teacher in the upper grades, not in the three schools I have been to, anyway. We did have a white teacher who taught sixth grade but that's as far as they went. So all the new teachers are assigned to the upper grades who are totally unruly. None of this is provable. I would love to have access to "CPS" records to just run the race of teachers in the K-2 level. Especially in the inner city, what would it be? Racism is on the rise,not the decline. We have no assistance in the upper grades. I know about racism at home as well as at work. We have had dead animals thrown on our porch, and a dead animal under our deck. Eggs were thrown at our garage, right after we painted it. Someone broke into our storage unit leading into the house. All of this was just given to pranks. All of these things are done by ignorant people. I don't let them know that they have gotten to me. I have been black all my life and have had racism all my life. Every day is a problem. My home, my job and my spiritual life, all of them have been problems with racism.

Now I have the workplace that wants me to begin to continue the degradation of our black youth or I lose my job. My job is now on the line.Of course no one would say that but that's what it is. Can I curse the students out in the manner they are used to so that they understand that I mean business? Can I get them in line by cursing them out.

Can I continue to live in a place where obviously someone wants us out? We plan to move soon anyway because its become too small for us, but who is the small minded individuals that have thought they would harass us to move?

Then I have to try to keep the man I love interested in me. Keep him loving me, keep him wanting to be involved with me. Lord, Lord, Lord, how do I do this?

What the heck is wrong with this world that not only do I have racism from the whites but I have institutional racism from the blacks?

What the heck is going on?

I broke down and told my mom what was going on at work and she is supportive in her own way.

I need my job so I will keep them quiet. I wont curse, I said long ago I didn't need to do that. I was a sailor, I know how to curse and how to curse really good. I learned to curse in Iceland, London, France and Japan. I went around the world cursing. I will not reduce my language to cursing now. I will find a way to keep them quiet though.  Forget anything else. Keep them quiet is the only goal I have. If I keep this position, this year, then I can be assured that I will not be let go next year. I will have a job.