1934-

Well today has been a big day for me. I buried my first cousin, who is only a year older than me. He died of a heart attack. He had it at the bus stop. When the ambulance brought him into the hospital, his aunt was the head nurse who had to admit him. They revived him three times but he just couldn't stay alive. Today was the funeral. My brother was one of the pallbearers. At the cemetery, he told me that our mother was in the hospital. She had gone to emergency with chest pains and they kept her. It will require some more testing, its not a full blown heart attack but heart disease, heart attack an just plain heart problems run in my family big time. My brother had a heart attack, both my grandmothers died of heart related problems, My aunt died of a heart attack, my cousin just died of a heart attack and my mother has high cholesterol and I imagine that she probably has a blocked artery somewhere. I plan to go to the same cardiologist and get a heart check up. I joined Lifetime fitness club to help me stay healthy. What a day.
I know the devil is a liar and this is not an area for him to enter in and have his way. Just because I was mad at you does not mean I have given up on you and me. I will not ever give up on the possibility of you and me becoming a united couple. We will and we are going to be together. Come what may, we are human beings and we all make decisions that we think are right at the time we make them. That is why intent is so important.
Intent, the reason why we do what we do.
I knew a long time ago that you were listening. You were listening when I had the black pilot. When someone broke into the pilot after we turned it in, I really knew. Just so you know, the car is a lease and in March of 2010, I will be getting a new one so get your equipment before then so they don't try to charge us for another break in.
Don't think that I am saying to my self that it is over. NO way. You don't get off that easy. I don't plan on punishing you forever. I want to forgive and forget. We cant carry every indiscretion into the future. You need to man up and know that we are in this together, no matter what. This is not a game or something that you can just say, oh well I messed up, its over.
Don't you dare think that.
If that is where you are then maybe you need to walk away now. I wont be at church tomorrow. You need to know that it has nothing to do with you. If I had it my way, I would be with you and it would be waking up with you by my side and deciding what to have for breakfast before we go to church. But since that is not the case I have to be with my mother right now. She will be getting out of the hospital and I will be there. My heart and my mind will be with you. Know that and believe that. I don't want to hear you whine or feel sorry for your self. I will listen to the sermon later that day and when I do I want to hear you speak to my heart, know the struggle that I am going through and know that I love you. That's all that I ask for.

1934-
That's the year my mom was born. I know you have been here. My mom is 75 and I know that here time will come. She gets on my nerves but she is still my mother. This is the first time she has ever been in the hospital since I was born. This scares me. It reminds me of my aunt's hospital time. She died within six months of her hospital stay.