Sometimes I think its not about me. Its about someone else. But then I think about it on Monday and Tuesday and the sermon hits me about me. Then it becomes me.
So I ask God what is the problem with me.
What is it that I see in him that is restrictive and maybe not welcoming in my eyes.
It became clearer when I thought about it more and couldn't come up with the words to express what was going in my life. I began to feel; that I was morally conflicted. I had a moral and spiritual leader who was now someone that I loved in a different way. Could he still be my moral and spiritual leader and be my lover and husband? Well, it was a challenge that we would try. Years have past and he has been able to stay the course. I began to challenge him when he hit the mark with what was going on with me. I felt I could no longer accept his judgment because I knew he was also in love so I felt his judgment was impaired by his love. Yet he continued to hit the mark, so God was in the picture. How do I face my problem. I felt like I was being watched on every area, I felt that it didn't matter, I didn't have anything to hide and I wasn't trying to hide anything. I was open and ready for confrontation.. What to do, what to do. How do I confront the problem an still overcome it? I wish you were coming to this barbecue tomorrow. I hope that on Friday you will dance with me. I need so time with you. To talk to you, just you and me. I need so alone time, but that never seems possible. Sunday is not the day., If only, IF ONLY.
Well that's all that's on my mind right now. Be blessed and have a good evening.
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