Date Night

Hello Darling

I am speaking that which is to be.

My laptop table has come apart. I suppose I shouldn't complain. I have had it for ten years. Long before I began using it as a laptop table. I still have the top that I can use separately.

I want you to know that I didn't miss that barb about my always being late to stuff and expecting to get a seat up front. I try my best to get there as soon as I can. I cant help it if I have to make sure daddy has his food and medicine, baby is fed, changed and clean. I generally will be late anyway so they just make me later. I have made some very positive efforts to be on time. I probably wont get the ticket I want because they will go on sale at an impossible time. I just cant leave the people that I have to care for in any old state just because I have to get to church.

I have heard of love but I only know about caring for others.

I cared for my brother when children made fun of him because he was different and someone threw a brick and hit him in the head. I cared for him when the nun continuously smacked him in the head because he didn't do what she said.

I cared for my mom when she remained drunk for most of my formative years.

I cared for my husband when his fellow marines dropped him on the doorsteps, literally, drunk and passed out.

I cared for my children, when the judge took them away from me for the summer because he told the judge I was trying to take them away from him. I cared enough to bargain with him to reduce the amount of back child support he had to pay me if he gave me full custody, and he did.

I cared for my grandfather for nine years when we returned to Chicago and were able to stay with him while I took card of a declining, sick., elderly man who wasn't very nice to be around. His own family, my father and aunt and uncle relied on me to do everything for him.

I cared for my mother enough to purchase a home to make sure she had some where to live in her elderly years because she had no retirement or any one else to care for her. Even though she treats me like shit and always reminds me that she doesn't like me.

I cared for my brother when he had a heart attach and couldn't work the same. His financial contributions are minimum but none the less he lives and eats just like everyone else.

I cared for my father when he got sick. He is now my charge. Preparing his food, medicine, washing clothes, managing the apartment building, the finances, everything. Its my responsibility because I brought him here, I imposed on everyone with this need of his.

Last but not least I care for my daughters and grandson. That's where love does come in. I receive it and I give it freely to them. Life isn't easy but it is what it is. So I know about taking care of people through sickness and in health. I'm there. If love is taking care of someone, then that me. But I think there is more to love than just taking care of someone and I want to find that love.

That's been my world.