The End

After much deliberation and lost of deep thinking, I have decided to end this journal. This was not an easy decision but one that must be done. I have had ridicule, contempt and heartache through the three years that I have written in this journal but I now fully realize that if I am to ever get to the next level I have to leave this level behind. I cannot keep "talking" to you here and not talking to you in person.

If it is going to happen then it has to happen naturally in person. This has become uninteresting and just wasteful. The things I have been writing are of no use to anyone. I don't even do the myspace or facebook stuff. I started looking at them because we were told that Obama has a facebook page. I don't want people in my life like that. I thought that when I started this journal no one would look at it because its just me, who am I.

 But lo and behold, you found it during your ramblings and it  became a connection. But the time has come to move on. This does more harm than good. Its not bringing me through my tough times and its definitely not bringing us closer together. How can I say here that I love you and not even look interested in person. What's up with that. From now on if I can't talk to you face to face then I wont talk to you in a one way journal.

I know that I am taking a chance of losing anything that we may have. But I have to take that chance. I don't feel good about this journal anymore. Its out lived its usefulness. I will not continue to be the crazy girl, laughing stock, weirdo girl who cant get a man. I know that many people know about my journal and I am not going to give them the satisfaction of me stressing daily with my whims and woes. I know that secretly most don't even want us to get together, it will ruin their position. I just have to step back and evaluate.

I hope you don't look at this as an ending but if you do then maybe that's what it needs to be. End this, so we can begin something new. No one or nothing has forced me to do this, I do it freely. I'm praying for something better.

Good-bye, adios, ciao. I keep it light but its very hard on me, but very necessary, I won't be starting a private journal, or drinking myself silly, smoking anything, or anything else. This is it. The End.