Some Serious Thinking Had To Happen

You see, I don't get it the first time around. It takes me some time to really think about what I think you mean. Its so challenging.

My first thought was that you had a "problem" with me sitting by that man in bible study. Now I know you must know I wasn't interested in him. After all, he was there first and I was trying to get a comfortable seat. I wasn't rude nor was I overly friendly. I know you aren't jealous of me talking to another man who I don't even know.

We are all weird or we have weirdness thrust upon us. None of us are perfect and if we were we wouldn't like it. Like Lowry said there is good crazy and bad crazy. You just have to know which one you are operating from. Its when you don't know and believe that you are sane and everyone else is crazy, that's when insanity hits.

Now as I think further, you are upset that I have chosen to actually focus on this course of study and let my extracurricular church activities go by the wayside. I attend church on Sunday, I've only missed one, and I attend bible study, when it happens. But all the other activities for the last three months I have been to few if any of the events.

Why, because I have been preparing for the national boards. Now it seems to me you seem to indicate that one might be doing this for the money, recognition or fame/pride. If I was a young college student you would want me to improve my teaching methods to impact the young people who want to learn so that we can increase our graduation rate and reduce the dropout rate.

Its essential that we have qualified and involved teachers to impact our youth, but for me, the message from you seemed to be, you just doing this for the money and fame/pride, just to say you're the best or look at me, I did this really hard thing.

What I really hear is "its not fair, you took yourself away from me, that was suppose to be my time and you gave it to them, you chose that over me, not fair, you say you love me but you chose that over me". I need you here with me, not off doing something else. I'm saving the world, our youth and I need you here with me. Now that's all well and good if I were really going to be with you, by your side during all of this but the reality is that I am not with you or even near you. I am usually in the crowd, pushed and shoved, rained on and left without a seat. I rarely complain about it and I look forward to getting back into just that but for right now, I am doing something for me and its requiring me to pull from every one's time.

My family hates me right now, I give them the very barest minimum of time. I argue with my mother constantly. She cant even say good morning without me having something to say about it. I avoid Austin like the plague. I will keep him only on the times when she works.

I keep telling everyone, its only for a few more weeks but no one cares, its all about them getting time, and you are the same way. I want my time, I want my time, I want my time. Just chill, calm down, don't be so impatient. March 31st will be here and I will have freed up some time. The assessment test is not until June and of course school is coming to a close then also.

You were off doing your thing and I found something to do also while I wait. Nothing harmful or disastrous, or so I thought, I'm still waiting. I'm still here.