How Much Longer

Dear God

How much longer do I have to wait? Am I waiting in vain?

I'm sorry Lord that I am finding the journey extremely challenging and disheartening. I want more and I am not able to have what I want.

I'm here, I am alive, and I know that I want this to happen now. Now is important. Tomorrow is not promised and I should be actively involved with today.

I know that I love you and don't want to hurt you. I don't want to lose you to foolishness.  I don't want to continue with this not talking, not recognizing and not being together. Help me help myself. I don't want to lose you I want to love you.

I said I would go to a doctor and I did go to a few. I went to the eye and got new contacts, I went to derm and got a new skin cream and a mole over my eye removed, I went to the allergist and got a new prescription for my allergies. But I didn't call the psych doc yet. I plan to do that this week. I will not give up and not be defeated, I know that the journey is hard and long. I don't kid myself about the constant challenge.

What are you kidding your self about? Can we love each other and make this work, tell me that we can. I love you.