Emotions

Jesus came to flip the script and flip it He did.

I realize that time is precious. Now is what I have to live for. I don't have time for foolishness. I have to realize that there is some stuff that I don't have time for. Life is really just too precious. Some things are not worth the hassle. God knows my heart and my mind and when he prepares me for a blessing he knows that I am a human vessel in the flawed world and my ultimate and final allegiance is to He who is, was and shall be, forever.

So I have nothing to be jealous about because he would not allow that spirit to be part of me relating to anything that is of Him. I know innocent and genuine caring and love for individuals. I don't need to be jealous or to have someone think I am some green eyed monster filled with jealousy every time they talk to someone. God would not have that spirit in me and I don't receive it. That's not of God and I don't want to be in a situation where I am down that road. That's not me and I don't receive those feelings, so I keep myself in check and will not get closer to that demon.I believe God knows what I can handle and what I can't and my mind is strong and determined. When I see myself walking down a path that I am not comfortable with, I will turn away. I am not perfect and I realize that is something that is starting to rear its ugly head in me and I don't like it. I pray to God to remove that from me. I am not perfect and as I age, I find more and more imperfections. Probably due to the fact that I put up with less and less. I try to challenge myself in new situations to increase my exposure to many different responsible feelings.

I choose how to respond to things in my life and my emotions are not determined by a look or a word. To be so feeble and fragile is something I neither seek or desire. I am strong and determined in my life. I am passionate and secure about my life. Why some things work one way and not the other are for many reasons that I am not aware of but I chalk that up to protection for me. What I may want, may not be right for me. Many factors are present when people are attempting to establish themselves in a relationship. What keeps them apart, what draws them together, what brought them together in the first place and what are the real factors keeping them apart and keeping them together. What really is the truth? What is the reason.

How much is our fault, good or bad? Who is to blame? Is that where we are stressing our faith? Who do we blame and how much is their fault? Is there really any one to blame and what is the crime really. At this point, what will happen will happen. Good or bad, we lived through this. Life is too short to constantly blame anybody for anything. We move forward, forget the past and plan for the future, come what may. Its just not that serious in the whole scheme of things. If it is to be then it will. If not then, so be it. Control what I can and move on. If things aren't changing then there is a reason for it. God has a plan and he knows how to work it. Love never fails. Whether real or imagined in my mind, it affects how I react to the outcome.

If only we could change those factors. I am waiting for God to give me a clear sign that this is what I am suppose to do. Just as you are waiting for God to tell you to leave and to do other things, I am waiting also. I don't know what the future holds, good or bad, I pray that I hear God's word and follow His directions. I trust God to know me and to place me where I need to be with the skills and strength to stay there. God is not setting me up to fail. I will be confident in my decision. My God supplies all of my needs. I will be obedient until the end. I thank God for providing salvation for me through his son, Jesus Christ's death. I believe in the Father, The Son and the Holy Spirit. I am a believer. I trust God to order my steps and if I am not following in His ways, I trust Him to guide me back to the path. When I am lost and blind, I call on His name to find me and take me out of my mess. I call on His name. My faith is restored in Jesus.

I know that God is aware of every inch, minute and second of time that I am allotted on this earth. I believe that when God blesses me it will be a recognized, identifiable, true blessing for me. I don't need someone to tell me that this is my blessing. God has put it in my heart and mind to know that this is OK. I may be challenged to accept the gift, blessing on God's terms but I feel God knows me well enough to give me a blessing that I will not miss. If every blessing is for me to miss, unless I am changed and reformed and more astute and alert and waiting at the right time and right place and I hear the right words and say the right words, then I am totally not going to get that blessing. I know God knows me. I don't say that I am perfect and unwilling to change, but I am a child of God willing to stretch and grow and learn. I want more from God and I am open to go where God wants me to go. God knows me.

I have lived a half a century and I don't imagine that I have another half of century ahead of me. Especially not in the same health and strength. I am thankful for each and every day that I am still here functioning and contributing to life. I take nothing for granted. My mind is open to change and I don't live in the past. I search for the future. Each and every day I try to do things that are contrary to the devil's plan for my life. I constantly remind myself that I am in the world but not of the world.

I refuse to be treated any old way. I refuse to accept any old treatment just because it has the potential of being great. I will not prostitute myself to that which is not of Christ. I will die to me so I can live in Christ Jesus. I will humble myself to the will of Christ Jesus and I will continue to do all I can to please Jesus.

I have picked up this mantle of taking care of this child, my parents, my family and I surely did not ask for it and continue to find difficulty in setting boundaries with this situation. I continue to be challenged in every aspect of my profession, learning how to do things differently, being held accountable for things that are new and old. If all is in my mind and I am able to control these things then I have to devote time to these situations until they are more manageable because I am in control of nothing right now. Its just one big mess in every aspect that I look. Home, work, church. I have to find a new solution. Trial and error. Try something different. Be open to change and willing to try and try again.

Put new wine in new wine skins. I'm tired of being in the same old place doing the same old thing and getting the same old results. I want new results and new wine in my life.