Have Mercy on Me

Father God, I pray that you will have mercy on me. My disillusion in myself and your way of life challenge me daily. I deny you and don't even know why. I give you a kiss like the kiss of a betrayer. I don't want that. I humble my self, God have mercy on me. You feel betrayed and denied. I say I love you yet don't show it. God have mercy on me. I'm a sinner.who can trust that, who can believe in that? It's better for me to not say anything. Jesus says we should always pray and not give up. What am I praying for Lord? I pray that I am faithful and trustworthy in my dealings. Forgive me Lord for I am a sinner. Am I afraid of that way of life? Do I think it is too hard for me? My struggles now are extremely challenging, how can I compare? What is the fear? Are we better off together or apart? We are apart now and life and death continue as if it would not be the same if we were together. I can talk myself out of it better than I can talk myself into it. Change. God have mercy on me. I am a sinner. God, tell me what to do.