Where are We? What's really Going On?

Ezekiel 18-19

The Soul Who Sins Shall Die

​The word of the Lord came to me: “What do you mean by repeating this proverb concerning the land of Israel, The fathers have eaten sour grapes, and the children's teeth are set on edge’? As I live, declares the Lord God, this proverb shall no more be used by you in Israel. Behold, all souls are mine; the soul of the father as well as the soul of the son is mine: the soul who sins shall die.

Warning Against Worldliness

​What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions. You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. Or do you suppose it is to no purpose that the Scripture says, “He yearns jealously over the spirit that he has made to dwell in us”? But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Be wretched and mourn and weep. 

I am praying tha God hears my prayers. I love you and I lone The Lord. I have missed you. It's not the same on the internet, but at least I have some connection to you. Take care of yourself.

I have so much going on in my life right now. My Lord and please send my guardian angel of protection. I have messed up my life so badly. To just mention a few things. Like an idiot, I didn't get a lawyer when I had that claim against CPS so it expired. Even though it was 100 disability for the knee at the time. I didn't have the surgery done then because the doctor told me I was too young. Now I have missed it by a year with my claim. So, life goes on. December 1 I will have a total knee replacement. I have used it  so much the leg is turning out. All the walking I have don on it. Now it's complete and total bed rest and I am following orders. 

That's another thing, don't they know when a person's workers comp claim as a certain time limit. I'm just not happy with both of them right now. Then it's three-five days in the hospital, alone. Yes alone because let's not forget Dad is at home on hospice, basically we are on the death watch. My mother hates it when I say that but that's what it is. Tend to his needs, turn him every four hours, crush mess, etc. we have help in so far three times a week but when I have my surgery, I won't be much help then. Of course it takes time to find someone, and I want them as honest as possible. The last one stole and that just wasn't honest. You let these people in and you have to trust to a certain degree. Doctors, nurses, social workers, CNA, aides, I don't even want to think of the amount of work involved with what they do. They are remarkable at this end stage period. Very patient. 

I wanted he and my mom to marry. She's been taking care of him for the past eight years. I asked him and he said he would. He asked her and she said she would. Now she wants to back out and say wait. Wait for what? Contacted the clerk and they need both their signatures, so we have to get him there. First they were going to come to us now we have to come to them. How am I suppose to do that? Then we need a judge to marry them. Of course that's too much trouble for her so lets not do that. Let's just wait. I say do it now, as soon as possible while he is cognitive and lucid. But what do I know, I'm an idiot. 

Now to top it off, I know when the operation happens, everything will be fine but I'm  apprehensive. No one willbe there with me. Life is perculiar. I am doing a genealogy search of my family tree again. I had done some work years ago and then stopped. Now I have picked it back up and this time I ordered a DNA kit. I'm going to use it on my father. My mother is upset that I'm doing this. She's just mad because she thinks I will find out she was married before my dad and my brother is by that man, who was killed/died in the military shortly after they got married. I could care less. We knew, my brother and, for al long time, one of my mom's closest friend told us when we were young.

I just love the Skip Gates show'Finding Your Roots' on PBS. I just need to be occupied in this recuperation period. I contacted the union to tell them tat teacher's should not have to be on ladders and stuff to hang things on the wall. I bet I'm not the only teacher to fall putting up print support. They just don't care about the teachers. Blame us for everything, pay us low wages, and make us handle 5-6 professional roles with each of our underprivileged students already. The system is set up to the fail for us. We are obviously disposable.

The gap between middle class and poverty is like a brook drying up. The gap between middle class and wealthy is like the Grand Canyon. I pray that this immigration move will help the country. I back the president. He did what he could do with the forces against him. The rich will have to just give to the people for their tax breaks. They don't even want to raise minimum wage. They have blinders on. People are struggling out here very badly.

 The middle class that can't get the private or government assistance. I remember they just sent every American a check for a couple hundred dollars. They need to find a plan to pay the people . Increase the level of survival for our people. The wages haven't really changed for over thirty years. My young junior achievement leader told the class she makes over 100,000 a year. First off, I don't make that much and I bet I work way harder than she does. I have experience, degrees, I speak well, look ok, why can't I be more successful. I keep making the wrong choices in my life. That's why I need God. I can't do this without him and it looks like it's going to be he and I until the end. I'm feeling pretty low right now, have been for a while. I've been on bed rest since the 7th of November, but it's been cleaning up and taking care of my dad. Lord can something good happen in my life. Anything Lord.

I don't know what to write anymore. It all seems to be complaints. Lord help me to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Have a blessed evening, I love you.