Reality

Lord, the reality of the situation always seems to overshadow the dream. What do you do when you know you are responsible for others and you can't just up and leave them? Have you actually prepared your room for another human being to co habit with you? Do I know what I would give away, throw away, or even just walk away from? Financial responsibilities are still going to be there. The mortgage, the car note,the student loans, the job? I have to pay the bills. He was never coming all this way from his city. I just felt that was not going to happen, though I did have a dream that it did happen. Was I just being selfish wanting him to come into my life? Was I not willing to go into his life? Then what would happen to my house? Let's be honest. How was that going to happen? How was the reality of financial, emotional and physical togetherness really going to happen? It was a dream. It was as if we were kids not facing the facts. Neither one of us has our own residence. We do not have the luxury of running off to some remote, isolated area to get to know each other. We have daily responsibilities. People who depend on us, daily. I'm a mess. I'm probably worse than your college roommate to live with. I would have loved to have planned for the future much better. Planning for the future is big business. When we fall short for whatever reason, we blame ourselves. I should have known better. When we take Advice from someone, a company, an investment, their actions in turn affect our prosperity, our health and our happiness. While we focus on the here and now, wisdom keeps us looking toward the future. The best plans that we can make seem to encompass only ourselves. When character affects the outcome of our plans, we know that as a planner of our future, our character will affect the outcome from God. I know I have made many mistakes along the way and probably will make more. Have I always placed God at the forefront of my decisions? Did I take into consideration God's will? Even now! Do I stay because I'm stuck or am I somehow still following a dream or purpose? How is it that I haven't let this go? It broke my heart to hear that decision, yet i fought to have just that outcome even though i wanted something different for myself. The selfish decision of just us two or the thoughtful, considerate decision for others. One thing for sure, I have prayed that God would, over time, take the desire from my heart. Help me to stop wanting you for myself in that selfish way and to know that I have to share you if I am going to be around you in any capacity. You are not mine. But I can pray for you and love you. I want nothing but the best for you and will protect you the best way I know how, from afar. I believe in your message and trust God to guide me. If I am still here it's because God wants me here so I will stay. If I am no longer able to work for God then I will find some place else to worship. Proverbs 20:28 Love and faithfulness keep a king safe, through love his throne is made secure. Proverbs 21:2 All a man's ways seem right to him, but the Lord weighs the heart. Proverbs 21:5 The plans of the diligent lead to profit as surely as haste leads to poverty.