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Good Morning Lord. Thank You for waking me this morning. Thank you Lord for loving me and for helping me to continue to find myself and to know myself.

God, as I look back over my life I see that love is patient. True love requires time--and hard work.

Lord I have continued to go to him most Tuesdays and Sundays.

Most. I have taught him well. Years ago I wrote in the journal my embarrassment about the things I said and I told him don't acknowledge me or the journal. Now seven years later, he does a very good job of ignoring me. I struggle just to be near him and he ignores me. Well, mind you, I said to do it long ago,  but, can we stop. You are great at it. You get a gold star for ignoring me. I just cant be ignored anymore. I'm in need of love now.I need someone that will recognize me and love me. Someone who is happy to see me and will show me that that they are happy to see me. Someone who wants to walk with me, talk with me, hold my hand sometimes, hold the door open for me, pull my chair out. Someone who wants me to have anything I want and wants to give it to me. That kind of stuff. True Love is not something that comes around very often.

Why I don't get any of that from you and I know I probably encouraged you to behave in the manner in which you are. I am as guilty as ever because I encouraged you to ignore me because I got stuck and silent, but now I don't know how to change it. I know I am not stuck with him and I am with you. So I have to wonder, what is best for me? Is God protecting me? Is it for my own good that I remain silent with you? You have adjusted very well and it doesnt seem to bother you. I wonder how you can say you love me and not want to be with me? Not even want to say hello and hug me. Just walk right by me as if I am just another person on the street. Do you only enjoy and need the journal? You need the journal and get mad at me when I don't write. What do I get out of this? I don't think I am unreasonable. Seven years of writing in this journal gives me the right to get mad. SEVEN YEARS and I am no closer to a relationship than I was on the very first entry. I think I will be asking God to help me better show my love to those who care about me and who I care about. You can show me better than you can tell me.

So