Roll Me Down The Aisle

Time is never on our side. We never seem to have enough of it. We don't seem to use it wisely when it is the most important thing that we want to do. I am learning to be straightforward in my communication with those that I love. I have the power to be direct, honestly expressing my feelings and desires because Jesus has given me the freedom to choose wisdom, free from doubt, unwavering and sincere.

I kept certain thing in my head. Statements like "you care too much what other people think" "you are so concerned what others think, you want to be liked too much" "you don't want hate to come your way" I now know that I associated all of those things with my feelings for you. I felt people would hate me for being with you. That doesn't make sense. Those that didn't want you to change and those that just don't like you, would also hate me. I didn't know if I was able to be hated. I don't think you chose to be disliked but you seem strong about not caring one way or the other. You mention times when it is a problem or a bother. You have your midnight hours like Dr. King, but through it all you seem to have a hard shell, maybe its not as simple for you as it seems.

I didn't know I felt that strongly, until this week. I let the idea of hating me become stronger that the idea of loving each other. I pray that I am choosing the right words, that I am speaking truly, living my life in truth, dealing truthfully with people in my life and expressing the truth in love. Communicating from my heart to make things clear and developing a certain level of maturity that I don't have to worry about haters. I have been around preteens and their angst for too long. Being a teacher of middle school students, you start to act like them. I need to remember who I am, I am the adult. There is a certain level of maturity that must come in any relationship.

The truth is one day I will not be here. One day I, just like you, will be rolled down an aisle and people will be sad and wish that they had said or done something more with me of for me. Maybe our last wishes will be that we had done or said something. Something could be done, something should be done. If today were the last day, would we be satisfied? We never know, so we make random choices that we hope and pray are the right ones.

I don't know what to say or what to do. Doing nothing is still making a choice. I know that I have to have God in my life and that I have to pray. I pray for direction, guidance and the ability to make the right choice for God. I pray that I can speak and witness for God. I pray that I am acceptable to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I pray, I pray, I Pray. While I am still on this side of the world, I pray. I pray for a time where this is a distant memory for us and we are laughing over the foolishness. True nonsense. How did this become an issue?