I Ask For Forgiveness

I  want to always apologize for my mistakes and when my decisions hurt someone. I have to remember other people's feelings. My heart's desire is not to be mean and hurt others just because I am going through changes. I'm taking vitamins and medications for that now.  I feel much better now. At least my attitude and health is improving.  We all have stuff that affects our lives in different ways. No one is immune to problems, but how we respond to them makes all the difference in the world. Especially when we feel we are the only one going through something. Even if we know we aren't, when we go through something, it becomes very personal.
The problem is the more you get to know someone, the more chances you have to admire them  and to see their weaknesses. This is where we  see our own weaknesses and gifts. The balance of a relationship. How do we balance each other. We are accepting and giving. We need each other. I know I need to know that you still need and want me. Am I still someone you are interested in? Or am I someone you are accomodating? Where do we stand? You let me know.
You are giving your life to our community and people. You make a difference. Without you we would have never gotten this far in that neighborhood, or in the United States for that matter. I know I was jealous of your time being spent else where. Especially when I don't take advantage of the time I do have with you. You are a true gift. I think that you need me sometimes because its hard being so special. Especially if they are truly a gifted person.  It's like we have all become austistic. Gifted in our own talents, yet still screwed up. We can save the world, yet we can't seem to get our lives together. Someone who can stay the course, turn hearts from stone to caring, concerned and loving individuals. At some point it just seems futile to even say anything else. How can make any of this right? What is it exactly that need to do to redeem myself? What do I have to do? I just feel there is an element of trust that is missing for me. I think its on both ends. How can it not be? God help me to trust and understand.