Release

 We are not to not care what people people think. How to care, but still feel giddy about life.

When we make choices in our lives we have to live by that choice.

Do you sugar coat bad news. Do you just blurt it out? Just say it. That's all.

Well, I have some news. This is so impersonal. Probably the best place to do this.

As a young woman in my teens and early twenties, I had 4 terminations. Yes, I said 4. Now, one termination, people can forgive. Two, maybe you just didn't understand. Three, you are a messed up chick. Then 4, well, WTF, You are screwed up.

Now as you can imagine this is something that I don't tell everyone. Usually, only the doctor's office is privileged to that information. When I have to tell medical staff I get the sneers, puffs, looks and judgment all the way. I found it so difficult that I stop going to the gynecologist office because of the judgment issues every time. Now that I have been experiencing a problem and needed to see a gyne, there we are back in the situation again. But this time the shame was a surprise. I'm old enough to not care, but somehow it brought back old feelings when I heard the gasps and looks.

I used to think it was not a presidential issue and now I know that a woman must have the right to chose. Would I do it again, I don't know. I wasn't in church, I didn't know the Lord as I do now. Each one had its own circumstances associated with the decision. Nothing was done with prayer or consulting God.  I was making decisions and made them for my personal good.

This week God has allowed me to explore deep within myself and realize this is something I have to forgive myself for. Nothing is going to change what has already happened. Move on, repent and love the Lord.

God has helped me to find my purpose. Working for others. Loving a wonderful man who I want to know everything. Finding myself requires me to lose myself.