My Denial

I am in denial. Not The Nile but DENIAL.
I deny to myself what must be obvious to you. I squirm and turn when you say "hurt people hurt people". I do not want to hurt you. I do not want to be the poster child for hurt people. People who have difficulty trusting other people or not able to have a relationship. Move on. Move on. Move on. This cant be still happening to me. The past is history and don't go over the past. Erase the past. I think that I have moved on but in fact I am still in the same spot because I haven't moved forward. I may not be looking back but I am not looking at my future. What the hell is wrong with me. I can actually have a future with love and happiness and I am choosing stale and nothingness? What is my problem. I must need a real serious head shrink. What can we possibly salvage out of this? What indeed.