We do that which is important

I am sorry. I didn't get to send a decent journal entry. All of the internet time was done in a cyber cafe and that was for twenty minutes at a time. I always needed more time. I made a point to at least get one message off even if my dad was standing over my shoulders watching me.

I hope you like your presents. I have a book mark just like that. I should have gotten a coffee cup too but I wasn't thinking.

Jet lag is setting in and I'm making lots of mistakes. Sorry I missed you today. Tomorrow we have a field trip so I guess I wont see you until Sunday.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; A time to love, and a time to hate; A time of war, and a time of peace.

 

                                    

London

Busy, Busy, Busy.

I didn't get to hear the broadcast.

I look forward to coming home. I hope to see you on Thursday.

Trust

My problem is that I dont think I can trust. I feel that everything I do is examined and dissected. I put a picture on my journal and its automatically thought to be spirit worshiping or worshipping the moon. I found a couple of a different race and I included it. I looked at the horoscopes and put it on my aol homepage and then I am thought to be worshipping other things. I dont even read horoscope anymore. I just put it there to have something to put there. Pointless but now important. I feel every thing I do now is cognizant of some greater picture, role in the future. My future. Loyalty is wher God has directed me in the scriptures today.  The book of Ruth.  I know whose I am. I know who I am. I am a child of God in love with a man of God. With or without a symbol of commitment, I know who I am commited to. I have been alone for over fourteen years, I dont have any problems keeping men away. Thats probably my problem now, I so good at it I dont know how to bring them closer, to have an up close and personal relationship, its been so long. I have a purse that has the american flag on it and then I am lectured about the values of america and how its wrong for me to have the flag purse. I smoked pot (long ago) and the next sermon is on what people do in private, like smoke pot.  I seem to do everything wrong. I would like to hope that we could continue with a shared vision, I just dont know what to do or how to do it. I just keep plugging along and pray for the best. Sometimes I wonder what you see in me. I just cant ask you for assistance. I know thats a breakthrough for me. How can I expect to ever establish a relationship with you if I cant as you for help. Even in the pastoral role of just offering advice on where I can go for help. What I can do. Who I can ask.Can I accept advice from you? I feel like everything I do is wrong. Why cant I ask you. Its a problem with trust. I think you will think poorly of me. I dont know how to take care of my life. I mismanage funds. I'm dishonest. After all I shouldnt be in this predicament if I knew what I was doing. I just cant. Thats why God wont open any other door for me but the one thru you. What am I to do. Why must I do that? It was hard for me to open up my heart, now I am suppose to open up my needs? If I dont the relationship will fail. I know this. How do I do this?  I've taken care of me for so long I dont know how to let another take care of me. I just dont know. I cant fathom this.I'm not ready yet. Too much of me is still there, I need more of God. Let these nine days be days of reflection on how to do this. No pictures, no quotes just me.

I believe in your vision of going for the gold for the school. Your olymic torch was great. One of the students asked me when my DePaul teacher if I was going for the gold, I said yes. You inspire so many people. The staff, children and parents love you. I like to thought of being together, mission and vision together. Achieving good things in peoples lives and our own lives.

My Heart's Desire

 

                           

"Anyone who truly delights in the Lord will one day realize that God has become the desire of her heart." - Beth Moore

"Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." - Psalm 37:4

"But I trust in you, O Lord; I say, 'You are my God." My times are in your hands; deliver me from my enemies and from those who pursue me. Let your face shine on your servant; sae me in your unfailing love." - Psalm 31:14-16

 

I saw my love yesterday. We have gardening in common. Though I don't grow things very well but I'm learning.

My friends were very impressed with the new developments on 79th Street. I'm very proud of you. I'm glad you and I have gardening in common.

I will miss you next week. I am going with my dad to London. Tuesday torough Wednesday. Nine days. Holiday Inn Kensington Forum. I will see if there is reasonable email access so I can continue to write. I will listen on the internet on Sunday of next week. What a quandry, I'm going to London, yet I am in such need. I pray for all women who fall through the cracks like my self. Lord, hear our prayer.

Lord, help us to manuever in this world when the going gets tough. Lord, know that we trust you with the times of our life. Without you Lord, we have nothing. Lord please forgive me for what I have done wrong and guide me.

Lord, I want to eliminate all of my false hopes and trust only in you. Take control of my life. I want to stop trying to run my own life. I put my life in your hands. I want to stop saying that I do and actually do it.

"For the word of the Lord is right and true; he is faithful in all he does. The Lord loves righteousness and justice; the earth is full of his unfailing love." Psalm 33:4-5

                                                    

Dear God I Need You

 

 

                                         

Dear Lord,

My prayer to you today is that you will allow me to find the right person or place that can help me. Lord, I need Your divine assistance with my mortgage, car note, utilities and bills. I know that I must be specific and come to your with a sincere heart and a willingness to listen and follow your directions. God direct my steps. Remove the resentment and hurt that I feel after having gone to my church social services and was told that I am not eligible. That I needed to plan better for my current situation, I understand that I am not an unforseen emergency and I have put my self in this situation, and finally that my student teaching doesnt qualify me to receive catholic charities assistance.Lord grant me the guidance and love  to continue to help my church with my time, treasures and talent.  Lord I know that I love teaching. Is this not your goal for me? Should I have not changed careers? Am I to abandon this road and find something else? Lord I'm one week down and nine to go, help me not lose my home over this.  Help me Lord. Guide me to where I can receive assistance. This has been a constant struggle to obtain a teching certificate, am I fighting against your will?  I am unable to work during the day and I can't earn enough with my part time job to sustain my financial needs. I thank you Lord for allowing me to obtain the scholarship that is paying for the classes and student teaching opportunity. I look at that as a blessing from you Lord. Please grant me favor today with the Veterans of Will County as I try to recieve assistance from them today. Allow me favor with the people who make the decisions. Allow me favor with the traffic so that I can get there in time. Thank you Lord for all that you do for me. I know this will work out. You will come through in this situation and your will be done no matter what. I let you guide me in every step of this endeavour. I walk by faith and not by sight. Thank you lord for your blessings everyday. Your will be done in my life. This is my prayer to you and I lift it up in Jesus name. Amen.

Good Morning!!!!!

I'm balancing as well as I can. I'm rushing but I just wanted to say I love you and I am waiting. My focus is on the next nine weeks of student teaching, everything else is not that important, except God and you. God, is ultimately my provider in all situations. My rock.

God is Awesome!!!!!

                        

                                               

 

What an anointing today!!!

What God does to reveal his presence is awesome!!

Just do your best, thats all, just do your best. I needed to hear that.

Today I felt closer to you and we never even touched. I felt so close to you I almost blew you a kiss when I left. Thank you for getting us out by 3pm. I have to teach at 4pm so this was perfect.

I was so anointed from your message. I feel accepted. I feel like its ok. I think this is really going to happen. I trust God to guide our steps. Thank you God for giving me fuel to keep going this week. My heart is jumping and there are many possibilities  in my mind. I'm happy and I feel secure. Secure.in love. I love the Lord and I want to do his will. I love you and you are part of his will. What a lovely, lovely thought.

I can make it. I can do my best. I can meet the challenge and come out a winner. I can do it. Its going to be alright. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I walk by faith and not by sight.