Wednesday, June 30, 2010

God Rules

Daniel 4

God can humiliate us and restore us. God has the final word on all things in our lives.God will always know what's going on in our lives. When things are going well, God is there, reminding us to honor Him. Every knee shall bow and every tongue must confess that Jesus Christ is Lord and Savior. The Sovereign and Omnipotent God is Mighty. I can do nothing on my own, it is God Almighty that allows me to succeed. Thank You Lord for blessing everything that I am and everything that I have is because of you Lord.

Father God I know today there will be many people who are in favor of having legal guns in our city. I understand their frustration. If the bad guys are armed then the good guys need to protect themselves, but guns in the hands of unskilled users will produce more carnage. We already have young hot heads who dont have any coping skills or conflict management techniques out killing for the smallest reason. Now we will have older residents, who have been held in fear out killing, or being killed because they now think they can take back their neighborhood with a gun.

The NRA is coming in under the pretense of promoting safe gun usage. Learn how to use a gun, lock up your gun. But the real agenda is "fight back" with a gun. They have guns, now you can have a gun. Kill or be killed. They are promoting the fear agenda. You have been terrorized long enough, now its your turn to get even. So what will that actually look like in the community. Let's say that one block has decided to purchase guns, through their block club, so of course they have a discount, due to the large purchase they have just made. Now every house on the block has a gun. Are they all locked up securely? I know that children are curious. Let us not forget the sherriff woman who left her gun in the glove compartment, left one grandchild in the car, went into daycare to pick up another, and within a matter of minutes, the child in the car was dead, due to curiosity.

Do the gun owners know how to be responsible? This was an individual who uses a gun for a living and she was careless for just one moment in time. How are people who are not used to guns going to respond? What about the store owner with an itchy trigger finger? Now when someone just looks like they are going to steal they will get a gun pulled in their face. What about the innocent bystanders? I do understand the fight fire with fire argument, but there is just something wrong with everybody toting a gun. It doesn't change the method of getting a gun illegally. They will still get a gun. Now they have more homes to break into to search for guns. Now people will get the opportunity to take another human beings' life and live with that decision and consequence. Fear begets fear. We are now enforcing fear and validating fear and being fearful and hurtful to others is the norm.

The NRA will have strong supporters in the black community because they are looking like a savior to a community that has been riddled with gun violence for so long. The thought is we now have people who want to help us get back, get even, level the playing field. Its interesting that they want to help put more guns in our hands but cant help with our school system or promote non violent programs to stop the violence in the first place. Are we talking about shooting ranges being built or do we just have target practice on the street? NRA should not be promoting killing more black people. Whether its our youths with illegal guns or adults with legal guns. Gun ownership is a choice that should not be promoted as if its the only alternative to keeping our community safe. Lock and load, so you can be safe. How disgusting.

Be blessed and be a blessing to someone today. I love you and pray for you today and everyday.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

A Tale of Two Choices

Sing a new song. Glory to the Lamb.
Revelation 14-15
I keep in my mind a new song. God is doing something new.

As I struggle to live in this world that has seemed to gone crazy with its laws that are not for the safety of the people I have to wonder if we make a difference? I know that God is real. His commandments are real. Are we able to follow them? We have had only one truly and completely free of sin, Jesus?

I pray that we see a difference for those who love and worship God and those who live their live in rebellion against God's love. I know that some of those who think they are doing right are not. They believe they are loving God and they are not. I judge no one, it is not for me to be their judge, but God will judge them and I wonder, will there be a difference between them and me? I believe the choices I make will have an impact on God's judgment of me.

We have two choices, do the right thing or the wrong thing. We try to do what is right, and sometimes fail. We see others who don't try to do right and they seem to succeed. They come out better than us and we cheer them on knowing that it isn't right. We live knowing that the old saying "you reap what you sow" is our only recourse. What comes around goes around. We pledge to do better and maybe, some of the reward will come our way.

God is good all the time and all the time God is good. We don't hate the others for having,  we would just like to have a piece of the pie for ourselves too. Is that too much to ask for? Should we not want more? Are we left  to be content with whatever comes our way. Be happy and content with what you have and where you are in your life. I believe we have to find some solace in the present otherwise we drive ourselves crazy and depressed always wanting what we dont have. Never being happy and content.

We must find contentment with what we do have. So we remember where we have been. What God has brought us out of. How we were worse off 5 years ago. 10 years ago. How we are further along than we realize and before you know it we are rejoicing again because of God's goodness in our lives. How he brought us through many hardships that we cried about then but now we can rejoice so I say rejoice, rejoice, rejoice. Sing a new song. Glory to the Lamb. Glory to the Lord. Thank You God for bringing me this far and I will praise you all the days of my life if you never do another thing for me. Thank You Lord. I love you. Be blessed today and be a blessing to someone special.

Monday, June 28, 2010

A dark day and a brilliant end.

I ask God to teach me what it is like to live spiritually in a secular world.  Teach me to know what faith is. What is true love. I cry when I think of  it being a possibility in my life. I feel blessed to know that love has found me. I tremble at the thought of feeling safe and secure with a man who is a man's man. When I let myself think along those thoughts, and more, I cry and cry and cry. 

How easy it is to believe that you really like being alone. You fool yourself into thinking everything is ok. I can live like this forever. But when a whiff of something different comes in, your world, as you have known it and adjusted to it, is changes forever. You have an uncomfortable urge for something more. Everything looks different now. The thought of me wanting to be there for someone else who I know is there for me. During the good times and the bad. Knowing that you are there right now is making me cry. I'm crying right now.

I think God is waiting for me to realize that you are willing to step up to the plate and make a commitment for the long haul. Not the easiest thing to do. You don't bail out when the going gets tough. You don't give up, even when I'm acting crazy, you believe there's something special about us and its worth fighting for.

I woke up this morning at 4:30 to the sound of birds chirping and I could see the moonlight coming in through the blinds. I wonder if the birds wake up singing until the are fed. I say that because they are singing again and its 7:10 so why are they singing again. But then again, why not, if you can sing, sing. I just wish they would find a new tree to sing in. I love to hear them sometimes but not everyday, all day.

I have to go in four days this week, from 10-4p. Curriculum Mapping Meetings. The way they are firing teachers you dont want to say no when they ask for something extra from you. Its crazy the way you dont know if you have a job or not. They say I'll be back next year but what room, what grade, who knows.  You just keep going like none of this matters when it really does.

I will be in Seattle the weekend of July 23rd. Isn't that interesting that we both have children who live in Seattle? We have to get them together. Lizzie and Jarrod are always looking to meet positive young black professionals. I will be there on the weekend that I am scheduled to read. I'm disappointed in that. I love being on the altar. Any time I am closer to you, its a good day.

I had thought about hiking up the base of Mt. Rainier but after talking to a couple of people, it would be just my luck to slip, fall, twist my ankle (which is already injured), get lost or left behind, be eaten by a bear, have an allergy attack or just a host of other possibilities.  So I decided to go Whale Watching. I'm safe, on a boat, no chance of being eaten by a whale. My vacation time will be over soon enough. I want to have at least one adventure that I have not ever done before on my bucket list.

Time to get ready for my meeting. I stopped crying and I am relaxed. I move forward knowing that I will see you on Wednesday.

My bible reading this morning was Daniel 11:36-12:13. A dark day and a brilliant end.

Saturday, June 26, 2010

OMG

Thank you Lord  for getting me home safely. I dont have my contacts iBe blesen so I pray that I am hitting the right keys. Today was an early day. 8am the Hunger Walk. High humidity and just plain hot. I was pleased that I could do it. It was a 3.2 mile walk and we were done by 10:30 pretty much. Then my daughter met me there and we took the little one over to the Shedd. OMG, that's my new saying now.The lines were crazy. We had a good time though. We didnt see the dolphin show but we saw everything else. The 4D theatre is the best. I love it.
Why didnt I hug you when I saw you today\? What's up with that>
Then we walked along the lakefront, watching the boats, it was so beautiful. Then over to the Taste. I was leery about going but I was thoroughly impressed with the new format, setup of the Taste. I hadnt been in a few years and I remembered the last time and the tremendous crowds so I didnt feel I was missing anything. Well this year, Daley wasnt playing. Its fenced in, there are a ton of police all around, the Taste was a hit. It reminded me of a very organized event instead of the free for all it has been in the past.
Im so tired now I can barely see. Thank You God for such a blessed day and thanks for allowing me to hang close to the celebrity today. I still have a lot of love for him Lord. Did you really bring me this far to fail. Am I really going to blow this Miss my opportunity, be left out, left behind and just plain neglected? I just refuse to believe that you have taken me this far and its over.  Im tired, I am going to bed.Be blessed and be a blessing to someone. I love you. My spelling is horrible, no glasses.

Friday, June 25, 2010

Never give up

This is Wimbledon time and I am pleased to say I have been watching faithfully.It starts at 6am and continues throughout the day until about 4pm. Serena and Venus are still going strong.  I especially watched the Isner and Mahut three day journey of wills. I started with the first day and the second day. The third day I had to catch it the replay. I had to get out of the house.

Psalm 28:8 God is the strength of his people..


Whether either of those players believe in God or not,  I know that Isner said he reached from within for strength because he had none on his own. This was just his first round match. His first game in the championship and he had no idea he was going to be challenged to such a degree during his first round. Sure enough after such an exhausting and grueling match that he would win, he loss in straight sets the next day, but everyone remembers that he came and he played. Sometimes we don't know why things happen the way they do but we have to be ready to meet the challenge when it comes, and to not give up.

So I say that to say this, I cant give up. I'm pulling from a reserve deep within. I never assume that you are in agreement with me. I always expect that you think I am loopy, indecisive and maybe a little scary. Maybe if I were you I might think the same thing. There is nothing that makes sense or does it make sense. You have to wonder why somethings are the way that they are. Maybe this is the way its suppose to be for now. Maybe we are where we are suppose to be. You are constantly saying how our freedom, our new day, our new life is just around the corner, closer than we even know. And maybe that's true. If things were different then other stuff might not happen.  So there is good within everything. There is purpose, and there is reason. I thank God for continuing to allow me to renew myself and to be humble for everything that is placed in my life, good and bad. I mature with every experience. I am loyal to my God and I seek his presence in my life daily. I pray that his principles remain permanently within my heart and my mind. Satan must take his hands off of my family and off of me. I am born of God and the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has made me free. I thank God for watching over me. I know I am not easy to love but none the less, God loves me.God knows I'm worth it.  Thank You Jesus. Never Give up.

Monday, June 21, 2010

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Good Night

Hi

I am praying for the rain to just stop at 3pm on Friday. Let sunshine and blue skies just come out and stay out. But I will be there, no matter what.

How nice it was to see a very special man in my life tonight. You looked relaxed.  You smiled. 

Today was the 8th grade graduation. We were so happy to see them move on.

I'm exhausted.

Good Night and may God bless you tonight and hear all of your prayers and answer them.

Saturday, June 12, 2010

I HUMBLY APOLOGIZE

I SEARCHED MY HEART AND MY MIND ON WHAT TO SAY TO YOU AND I HUMBLY APOLOGIZE TO YOU.

I APOLOGIZE FOR MAKING YOUR LIFE MISERABLE. LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO STAY MAD.

I APOLOGIZE FOR MAKING YOU THINK OF ME AS ARROGANT, SELF CENTERED OR IN ANY WAY OVER CONFIDENT OR DISINTERESTED. I DON'T WANT TO BE THOUGHT OF AS HAVING LOW SELF ESTEEM. I LOVE MYSELF AND I WANT MORE OUT OF LIFE THAT WHAT I HAVE RIGHT NOW. I KNOW IF I AM STILL HERE, GOD ISN'T FINISHED WITH ME YET. THANK YOU LORD FOR STILL NEEDING ME.

I APOLOGIZE FOR THINKING THOUGHTS THAT ARE NOT OF GOD. I ASKED GOD FOR A SOUND MIND AND BODY. I PRAY THAT I AM ABLE TO  HUMBLE MYSELF TO GOD AND TO MAKE AMENDS FOR MY MISTAKES.

I'M SORRY THAT I HAVE TO SAY I AM SORRY SO MUCH. I HAVE TO LEARN THAT GOD'S TIME IS NOT MY TIME.

I BEAR MY SOUL TO YOU IN THIS JOURNAL. I FEEL SO VULNERABLE  HERE. I OPEN UP TOO MUCH. WHAT IS SOUL SEARCHING IF YOU DON'T TRULY SEARCH YOUR SOUL. WHAT ABOUT WHEN WE ARE IN PERSON. WHY DOESN'T THAT WORK? I WANT THE IN PERSON TO WORK TOO. I MISS YOU.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

I will Praise God's Name

Psalm 69:30-36 (New International Version)


 30 I will praise God's name in song
       and glorify him with thanksgiving.
 31 This will please the LORD more than an ox,
       more than a bull with its horns and hoofs.
 32 The poor will see and be glad—
       you who seek God, may your hearts live!
 33 The LORD hears the needy
       and does not despise his captive people.
 34 Let heaven and earth praise him,
       the seas and all that move in them,
 35 for God will save Zion
       and rebuild the cities of Judah.
       Then people will settle there and possess it;
 36 the children of his servants will inherit it,
       and those who love his name will dwell there.

I thank you God for reminding me that I don't mind waiting. I am waiting on the Lord. I will do what is needed. The Lord knows my struggles and what I am faced with each and every day. I am not invisible to him. I have looked at areas of my life where I see independence where once there was dependence. I strive to have a balance of the independence and the dependence in my life. Lord I believe that each and every day freedom of utterance is given to me and I will open my mouth boldly and courageously as I ought to do to get the gospel of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ out to the people. I thank you Lord for the added strength which comes through superhuman experiences that you have given me. I don't know what to say but the right words seem to come. Lord I pray for will in all situations in my life. Thank you for walking this road with me. May God bless you today. Be blessed and be a blessing to someone. I love you.

Monday, June 7, 2010

Faith

Establishing a heart relationship rather than a ritual one is so much more rewarding. When it is from the heart, when it is true and done with faith and love it has so much more meaning. Sincerity and honesty. I am thrilled that others are blessed daily. Daily I pray for our entire church family to be blessed in whatever way is important to them individually. I search my heart when I am feeling slighted or when I think I have given in to jealousy or immature behavior. I am not perfect and I know it. I have so many flaws its ridiculous. Why someone would want to be bothered, I do not know. But I'm still a lot better than some, I may not be where I want to be, but I am a heck of a lot better than what I was. I would love to be the bigger person in all areas of my life, to be able to stay positive all of the time. To always hope beyond hope. To always have faith and always keep doubt out of my mind and my actions. To stay totally and continuously devoted to believing that its not just some ritual believing that God's Promise will come true in my life, but to know that it is coming true in my life and that everyday is depositing faith and love into that promise. Believing against all doubt and despair that there's room for my blessing. Removing the inner turmoil and replacing it with calm assurance that my blessing is for me and it will come to pass, in its own time, not my time. I'm happy that someone is engaged with a huge rock. I love it when I see older and younger women of color finding a man who is not afraid to make a public, life long commitment. Thank God for men who are willing to make that commitment. My girls just went to a wedding this weekend of my daughter's boyfriend's brother. We need more couples ready to make a covenant agreement with their partners. I want to not just serve God outwardly by going through the motions, the expectations, or the duties involved with my relationship with God,  I want God to know that it comes from my heart and that I am committed because I want to do it, not because I have to do it. Be blessed tonight and be a blessing to someone. I love you.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

My Search

I know that suffering is imperative. I started this post almost two days ago. There is so much that I want to say. The Oil Spill, our children and their behavior and the violence, and the Gores and my thinking on their breakup.
The oil spill. This is beyond belief. When the off shore platform fell it must have dropped down into a a huge deposit of oil. If we are to believe that they didn't know it was as big as this then their seismology equipment must not have detected the large pool of oil. Maybe there was a large rock formation or aquatard that blocked the possibility of knowing that much oil was there. Maybe when the platform fell down with such force it opened up another unknown are of oil and that was a huge reserve. In any case, they don't have a solution. They treat this as if they are now just coming up with a possible solution and did not spend any money on prevention, quality control, any type of what if scenario. I am just flabbergasted that they are trying all of this stupid stuff now. They don't have anything solid to make a difference in this tremendous oil spill. The environment is going to take a huge blow. People who make their money fishing and in the tourist industry will see the effect for years. I do not believe that they haven't explored some sort of scenario that something like this would happen and the obvious outcome seems to have been to let it spill. The collateral damage to wildlife and the fishermen must have been a calculated loss that was thought to be acceptable. Gas prices going down so consumers wont complain. The cost to fix this is greater than the loss.

Our children. I keep hearing how bad the teachers are and how its our fault the children are the way they are. The parents are not training up the children in the way that they should be taught. The problem is the parents who are not educated themselves contribute to the nonsense. I took my children on a field trip Friday. the kids were yelling out the window at people. I have to yell at them not to do that and to remind them that their parents would not want them to do that. I remind them that they don't do that with their parents and don't do that now.  I have parents who bring other family members up to school to beat up on students. The parents have initiated this action. Then when we are in the classroom and the students are unruly, I am called a bad teacher if I don't threaten, bully and push around the students into submission. The biggest goal is that we want to discipline the students into submission. Discipline and being tough with these students have failed drastically.  Our students are so far behind, I look at them as our future, the future that we want is to see the ones who are wanting to be successful, able to be successful. We want positive young men and women running our country. The problem is the ones who are able to provide funding, support the moral and ethical laws that will allow us to become good citizens and good neighbors, are not willing to help. As long as the problem is with the poor and minority classes, then it doesnt affect them and they will throw a fundraiser here and there but no real change will occur. As long as funding is not available for schools, class sizes are increasing to 35 plus, gym classes and other social emotional programs are cut, and the supplies and resources are not there then the students cannot rely on the schools to be the impact to make the change with students. We cannot be the only responsible accountable adults to our children.  Action has to happen. Not all students are bad.

The Gores got tired of making plans to meet each other. After forty years of marriage they realized that they didn't have an interest in Al found a home in the environmental arena. Someone stroked his ego and I suspect that he will be the first have a new love interest. Tipper has her interest and Al has his. Someone decided that they didn't want to plan time together. That's what will kill a marriage. When you no longer want to plan time together. They fell out of love and out of interest with each other.

OK now I have finished.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Lord, You Alone are Worthy

Revival and Renewal
Lord when I think of all you have done, all that you are doing and all that can be done, I worship you. I recognize that I have to corporately confess my sins, I have to recognize that I must get beyond the sin that keeps us from true fellowship with Christ and look to find true healing. I ask God to show me what I need to do. Show me the way to my sins so that I may confess them openly. Lord let me not decide on my preferences. I may be my own worst enemy. I want to be open to allow new things to have room to grow. I don't want to be stuck with a very limited and narrow view. No more shoulds, preferences or preconceived ideas of what something should be, or how it should happen. Let it flow from the heart Lord. Bring me the things that are truly good for me and not just those that I prefer. I want to be humble, broken and a serious recipient of God's renewal. I can think of one act of reconciliation that I need to make with God to renew my relationship with Him. I will stay faithful. I will sacrifice my time and myself to God's will and desire in my life. I will obey His commands to reflect and renew my relationship. I will not have unrealistic expectations in my daily life. I will be faithful to God and believe that all things are possible with God. I will renew my heart and my mind to grow deeper and wiser with my faith. Be blessed today and be a huge blessing to someone. I love you.

 Nehemiah 9

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Thank You Lord

Thank You Father God for today. I am blessed and highly favored. I have given my all to the task at hand and I am done. Thank you God for giving me a strong mind and body to complete it. I have put in my grades for science for the 6 and 8th grade students. Its done and its done on time. Now to work on the 7th grade for final completion next week. But Lord I will not wait until the last minute for them either. Daily I will attend to the task. Daily I will make sure something is done. Daily I will prepare myself for the final date. Steady, determined, and consistent will be my pace.
Lord I pray that we are over with this woman at the building. She is out now. She has what remains of her stuff. She needs to just move on. We have gone to court with her and the judge says its over. I have learned from my mistakes and I know that I am not cut out to be a landlord. I need training, training and more training. You have to know how to chose the right person. Even after the credit and background checks. Character counts. How we treat each other is very important. You just cant trust people to be honest and forthright all the time.
Lord I pray that my journey in will not be hampered with huge delays. But who am I kidding, rain brings delays. It is the nature of the beast. The situation requires you to plan accordingly. Leave earlier. Off I go to get ready.  Be blessed today and be a blessing to someone. I love you. I'm still fishing.

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