Saturday, May 30, 2009

My Hero

You are so much the hero for me I just want you to know that at this moment in my life I am so much in love with you I cant express it verbally. I love you so much.

I pray continually that you have been able to free up your schedule to accommodate me on Thursday. I know that the rally is on Saturday, so I will definitely encourage all of my students to attend. Their problem is transportation. I suppose if you tell them to sign up then they can have a bus from
St Sabina, but I don't know how committed they will be. I know there will be a few, they are the ones who are committed.

I pray that you can do it. I pray, I pray, I pray.

How are you today? What was your day like today? Did you have any successes today? Where did people let you down, where did they support you today? What do you need from me? I am reading tomorrow, so I am practicing my reading now.

May you be blessed and be a blessing to someone. I love you. I really do. Believe that.

Friday, May 29, 2009

Talents

We are all individuals that have talents and gifts that are mutually beneficial to each other. We are a community that depends on one another to survive. We can not make it on our own. No man is an island. Our gifts, qualities, faculties, and talents differ according to the grace that God has given us.

We are here for such a time as this. We reflect God's glory when we use our talents. When we use our gifts we are transforming into the likeness and Spirit of God. We are representative of who we are called to become. God realizes our need before we ask. We do not all grow in the same way and at the same time, but we are growing in grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

As we grow we give patience, love and space to each other because we love each other and want the very best situation and conditions for one another. We acknowledge that we don't have dominion over each other and we respect one another's faith and the depth of that faith. We understand that we are all laborers seeking joy and faith by standing firm in the Word. We promote no individual agenda but the Word of God and the Spirit of God rests within us.

I pray that if you have time within these next two weeks, specifically on Monday, June 8th, that you will consider giving me an hour of your time and talking to my sixth, seventh, and eighth graders. I did call once and I know you never return my calls, so I will try again today, but maybe if you have an hour or even an half an hour you could encourage, uplift and remind them of who they are before they break for the summer.

Be blessed and be a blessing to someone today.

Monday, May 25, 2009

Repair, Renew, Refine

My heart may physically need repair but emotionally, You have begun the repair process on my heart spiritually. Please don't think that I am stuck on some long lost love. You are the only long lost love I am pining for. Its all about you. For years its only been about you. So you don't need to tell me to let it go, to forget the past and move on. Its you that I need. You may call it Eros, Philos, or Agape love, but its all three. There was and still is a physical attraction, I believe we have a friendship connection where we can communicate to one another and unconditionally, without fault or blame I can say I am searching for a deeper sense of that love also. I am only human and I have to cope with my own human mistakes. I try to stay true and constant the purpose that I have. My mission is to be successful in my obedience to God. I pray that I hear and obey his commands. I pray that I don't lose sight of what is important to God. Not my will but God's will be done.

I bring every thought, every imagination, and every dream into the captivity and obedience of Jesus Christ. My heart counsels me and reveals to me your plan and purpose. My spirit rejoices in your divine intervention in my life. No weapon formed against me shall prosper. My body and soul rest comfortably and confidently in pure safety with you My Lord and Savior.

Be blessed today and be a blessing to someone special.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Happy Birthday

I pray that you have many, many, many more to come.

May God bless you and keep you well.

I'm sorry that I havent been posting much lately. I really dont have much to tell.

I went to the doctor last week and he told me something I didnt want to hear.

I know that I have to take a bunch of tests and then we make some decisions.

I was feeling sick and went to the doctor to get some antibiotics. Had an ekg, it was abnormal. Went to another doctor he thinks it might be a blockage and or an enlarge heart. Either way, something has to be done. My familly history is horrible for heart disease. My brother with a heart attack a few years ago, my grandmothers on both sides with heart disease, pacemakers, etc. Mother with heart problems. I dont want to ignore this or take it lightly. Doc gave me sone medication to take in the mean time while we wait to see whats really going on.

Isnt that crazy, I complain of a broken heart that needs healing and now I have a broken heart that is giong to be healed. Spiritually and Physically. Heal my heart. You are a light in my storm.

For such a time as this.

Be blessed and be a blessing to someone special.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

For Such a Time as This

This is not a fluke, coincidence, or just luck. By the way, my daughter, the one who went to the snooty St. Ignatius, told me after coming home from her Latin class that the word "luck" comes from the word Lucifer. Luck is of the devil, so I try not to use the word. I sometimes do, I'm not perfect.

You picked one of my favorites, Esther has been with me for quite some time. I love how you are introducing aspects of the story from a fresh perspective. You always such an original look on things, but then it always comes back to the bible. The word, meaning and purpose of God.

I am going to keep chasing after you until I get you.

I pray that you have a good night and that you are blessed and that you are a blessing to someone.
This is not by chance.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Why is it that wee dont even talk in our post?

Why is it that I dont even have a conversation with you in my postings. I need a conversation with you. Somewhere somehow, I need to have you respond to me.

You've Got Mail

I get to watch this tonight an I am happy.

It's one of my favorite movies.

Are you worried?

Are you worried? I think you have nothing to be worried about and that you should be so secure and sure of me and our relationship but someone told me today that maybe you might be insecure about me and that's why you need to listen to everything. You first needed to know that I was sincere and not up to something devious, but once you found that to not be the case, why continue. I realized that you continue because you want to be close to me. You find comfort, somehow in this relationship, you are wondering what to do yourself. I always thought that you had the answer, you knew the answer, you know what to do and how to do it. You were perfect in my eyes. You know what I need to do and you are always able to tell me what I need to do to make things right. I know this is not the case. I can rely on you for many things and many answers but, together, we can come up with answers. I am a smart woman and I have many qualities that set me apart. I am able to imagine a different life for myself. I feel like a failure right now. marching into a new life with nothing, absolutely nothing, but its not totally nothing. One thing ends and another thing begins. Do you know that I woke up this morning and watched a loggerhead turtle make a year long journey on the nature channel at 4am and I was excited to see it? I enjoyed the program. I have been up since then. I love stuff like that. I am a weird child of God. I love science and history. Those are my two passions. I love life and the past life and how it has become to be and what it was and what it can possibly become. I'm weird like that. Can you handle that? Can you handle a smart woman who questions everything? Does that challenge your manhood? Can you still know that I want you and find you totally attractive and interesting, which are two qualities that I need in a man. Can we find some type of happy medium to love each other? Can we make this work? Please tell me that you are still trying to work this out somehow, someway, somewhere. I will not give up.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

The Talented Ten

Last night's movie was interesting.
There was a range of emotions that were evoked.
First we see a bunch of boys having fun. Why I needed to see that, I wonder. Was it to say, hey look at us, we are just normal folks who have made it. Look we can be just as loud and boisterous as the next person. I don't know. I'm not sure what role that was to play and because the dialogue was difficult to understand, maybe they need subtitles if its so important.

Then the selection of the men. We have young and old. We only hear from the young, on camera, when they want to dis them on their music and wonder if they are putting the musician up as a role model. Its like they are saying the youth didn't have any valid opinions on the other subjects that were talked about. It was good to see them include the youth, give them a camera and have them document it, but did they have a voice in this discussion.

Next, the comparisons of themselves to DuBois and his talented tenth, King and the movement, Jesse and his vocabulary. When they reached out to the common man, it was accidental through the Race in America interview with Dyson and his brother. Their discussions were heavily laden with opinion and individual belief.

The title Stand, made me think there would be something defined or mentioned to stand on and I found myself wondering exactly what they wanted me to stand on. Stand on the remembrance and belief that as African Americans we will get, have got, are still striving to reach the mountain top, the promised land, the land of milk and honey, the land of opportunity. Have we reached that economically? They were surely blessed, nice hotel, nice food, comfortable bus. Not one if them was lacking in the money area.

I am wondering what the message is to men. It was just men in the movie, a message for men, what that message is I don't know. Is it that there were men in the struggle who were supportive but still had to be covert about their support as it was when they explained the Sam and Dave song, was it the wonderful piece with Dick Gregory in the temple describing the importance and uplifting spirit of the black church during oppressive times?

I wonder if the message is that Obama has become the president but look at the road he has had to travel away from his people to make. The goal is to inform, uplift and educate. Was their classism and elitist attitudes in the movie. Of course. We will have to try and watch a couple of times to understand and decipher the message. These were men who prayed and prayed often. Can we see unity among them? We are not privy to their family lives, we don't know them as well rounded men, we know them as professionals. We see them "hanging out professionally" we interact with them on a professional level. They didn't let us in, they just kept us around.

Who are these men really and if they are going to arise as leaders and influencer in the black community they have to become renaissance men. Men of distinction who have more in their lives that profit of of the pain of black folks. They tell the story, they visit the people and they write the books, but what is it that has happened to them, what do they support happening. What is their big and bold plan for society. What is the future looking like in their hands? What kind of family men are they, if at all? Are they all single? Do they have baby mamas all over the country? What is their relationship with their children, if they have any? This movie left a lot of questions unanswered.

What of us. Can we start over. I wish I never told you to not talk to me when I found out you had been reading my diary. We need to be open and transparent as we can with each other. We have to start from square one. Day One, Fresh, brand new. A new beginning. We need to make it a fresh start from the beginning.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

A Very Sad Day

I came in feeling sad and I left feeling sad.

I support you and your endeavors to help the children of our urban city. We cant turn our backs on them. I commend you for taking on a challenge that is not your own. You could easily walk away as others have done. You give your life to your passion. You are dedicated and passionate about what interest you and what is important to you. I stand by you with this flag issue but if you plan on burning the flag then I have to step back on that. I know you said you had a surprise for Memorial Day and I hope its not that. I will stand with the veterans when they come out in support of the upside down union, because we are not really in union when our children are killed with such randomness. I stand with you and I support you with the emphasis being on the children. Not your patriotism or whether the flag is being disgraced, its not about the flag, its about our children and their future. Its not about me and my
brokenness. I cry and pray for all of the mothers and children today who are mourning a loss. My cousins are spending the first Mother's Day without their mother. You are spending, yet another mother's day without your mom. Adults as well as children are broken and displaced today.

I know I am a broken vessel and I am just trying to compete with those that are perfect. How much do you really need to know about a person to really know that person? Is there ever a point where you can say you really know them inside and out, I think not. So has all this "knowing of me" really changed anything?that I am neither perfect, holy, sanctified or pure as the driven snow. You will never find out what it is you are looking for in me until we speak one on one. Only then will you know that which you seek.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

You are a Winner

You took a stand and it caused a stir. You stirred the waters.

Was this a dramatic stand? Of course it was. How else do you get their attention. Our children are dying and no one wants to help.

I like how one man said he didnt think this was an emergency. How many more feel just like he does. Obviously many, many, more feel the same way.

Really its not that they are upset about the children dying, its the disgrace that they feel because their beloved flag, which holds so much symbolic meaning about freedom, justice, liberty and truth is displayed in a vulnerable position.

I stand by you because you are willing to go that extra step and make a point for people who's voices have ceased to be heard. Are you the only one fighting for our children, probably not, are you the only voice that we see and hear, Yes.

You have given your life to fighting for my people and I stand with you on that decision. I know others criticism on how you have chosen to do things can be stinging, but I say at least you tried. You may not have pleased everybodies desire to be non combatant but sometimes you have to get in their face to make them listen and respond.

You were the only one who continued to care and remind them on a daily basis that this is wrong and its not just going to go away.

You are a winner, through faith you are a winner. You have God's promise that you will succeed. In Him you can overcome any problem the world throws at you.

You can go through trouble and emerge triumphant. Don't feel like a failure. Don't question the decesion.

How lonng will you keep the flag upside down, until some type of negotiation, something is done. Stand.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Antiques

I just feel that you gave those tickets to someone who just doesn't care nor will utilize the to the best of all that they are worth.

So I have to wonder. I know that you know that i like antiques, so is this just to say , I know you like this but I will not allow you to enjoy. I know that I will not be able to enjoy because it is this week and I have to do what I have to do with my dad's building, so I would not be available , no matter what or is it just something in you that doesn't want me to be involved , no matter what, I would love to be involved in any antique expedition that is offered, no matter what. I have to remember that I am being monitored , no matter what, and that ha been my attitude, no matter what, I have to remember that the ultimate goal is so that at some end I will find you and me. you and me. Alone. Together. I believe that we have to find our way through the muck. You and Me. Together. With some semblencence of each other. Otherwise whyare we here?

Alicia Keyes

I had to go to my daughter to find the answer to this question.

She has been in on this crazy quest between you and me.
I asked her why you would give antique tickets to someone who would not careless about the tickets as opposed to me who would want them sincerely and earnestly. She told me what I needed to hear. The peson you gave them to, Brenda, may or may not want the tickets, but would know that they are valuable to someone, maybe or maybe not. /either way, I was not to receive the tickets. I would have valued the tickets and during this time of my life, I could not use them either, I had to do what was necessary at my dad's building so they would be useless to me, so they had to be valuable to someone who would not otherwise find them valuable, an out of work, or displeased person. i just want you to know that I really love antiques and find this a really missed opportunity. Thank You and what were you thinking.

Finding Nemo

I am watching Finding Nemo, my most favorite movie, Austin and I are really into this movie the past two weeks. Where do you fit into this scenario?

Who Am I

Am I more interesting in the journal and the listening devices and the video surveliancence than I am in person? I can only figure that you prefer me here and watching me from afar (David) than you prefer me in person? Why and what's up with that? i know we can connect in person. I know that my photograpere was incompetent today, but still, I'm right there in person, why were you so quick to get away, I'm wondring why in person isnt comfortable for you and why we cant share some uncortable moments together? I'm watching one of my most favorite movies with my grandson, "Finding Nemo" . Why do I think of you while watching it?
You know I wanted the antique ticket really bad but you gave it to an unemployed person. I couldnt use it this week any way but I really love antiques. I hope that she even finds worth in the tickets. She is a friend of mine but I didnt get to talk to her and find out if she wanted to even go. I pray that they go to use and not just sit there. You owe me. That was wrong. I have to do my dad's building this week and I wouldnt be able to go anyway but I love antiques. The Antique Roadshow USa and UK i my avorite. Cash in the Attic UK and the US is one of my favorite shows. St Charles is a favorite place to go. Kane County ahs a wonderful exhibit at the end of August each year. I just havent had a chance to go. You also need to find some reliable antique dealears as well as jewelery dealers. Why is this such a task for you? When are you going to just realize that there is no more that you can learn and find out that you are ready for the specimen. me!!!!!!!!

Good Morning

It has been a busy couple of days for me. I have lots of stuff to do for my dad this week. Someone wants to buy the building, thank God, but I have to clear it out and clean it up for show by Wednesday. Ihave cancelled my activities for Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday so that I can be available to pack and clean. I have to hire someone to help me and then beging to pack this storage container and make sure the building is ready. I know this has nothing to do with you, but it has a lot to do with me and my time. In saying that I will not be a bible study on Tuesday. Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday I will be at the building, packing and cleaning. I;m glad we have a buyer, I sad I have to do so much work. If things fall through, I will still have cleaned out the building and it will be available for the next buyer, or renters if I decide to rent again.

I'm sorry for not writing on Friday and Saturday, please forgive me. I was doing something that was very important. I dont know if you know or not. Saturday I had an early morning conference that was suppose to last all day but I left after lunch, I was just so tired. I came home, tried to take a nap. Then I had to go to dad's building and meet the realtor so we could sign some initial papers of accepting the offer. Today, Unity Sunday, babysitting and some grading done because this Friday progress reports come out. Tuesday I have a field trip to the museum. That will be fun.

I took a poll in class to find out what type of classroom pet I should get. Snake was the winner. I want them to know that their vote matters but I am not at all in the mood to even think about some slimey snake in my classroom. I thought I would get a pet for next year. I want them to have input into what I get. Maybe I'll schedule a trip to the pet store to look at some of the options. I think I;ll make a big deal out of it so that in August when we return, we will have a big ceremony to welcome our new pet.

Where do we stand? What are we going to do? How was your week? I know nothing. I just ask questions in the blind. Well, back to the line, I shall see you there.

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