Expectations

Expectations :

Let's throw some flour in the mix and make something happen.

I just found out that AOL Journals will be closing, disbanding, stopping on October 31.

There is suppose to be an alternative that they are looking at but no word yet.

That means I have to have another source for my communication.

I cant even make new entries now. 

 

Expectations

Lord I walk with the courage and knowledge that I can and will demand a better world for us. We do not have to take for granted that our children will die by their own hands. We know that if we don't help there will be no one to help. We cannot ignore what's going on in our world today. We also have to be confident that we can succeed.

We don't have to accept that our financial future is in the toilet. There are no guarantees about any industry. Retirement accounts are decreasing. The money that we have put into these accounts is dwindling. Our homes are jeopardized. I think, OK, I'm with Chase so its going to be OK. But who knows. You don't want to spend your days worrying about what's going to happen, but you don't want to have your head in the sand and find out that there was something you could have done. So we listen to the "experts". We try to discern what the advisors are saying and apply it to our life situation. My neighbors are selling their home. They have been here since we moved here ten years ago. Were they part of this mortgage meltdown? I don't know. Whatever is going on we have to keep our confidence about this situation. We cannot worry and worry and worry.  We have to be confident that we can overcome this crisis.

I have my dad who fell on Saturday while we were getting ready for the service. What was that all about. Now I have to check that out with doctor appointments and stuff. The chimney is leaking at his building. The tenet wants to move. That might be a good thing. I wonder should I sell or is this a bad time to do that. Is it my decision to sell? Would he want to go to a retirement settlement or stay with me? Can I continue to be a responsible caregiver Is it wearing me down? Will he continue to get worse? Is it bad to put them in a nursing home?

With all of this going on I still have to ask my self, have I lost sight of the positive things in my life? Have I looked at the stresses in my life and not the good things? Am I blinded by the stress and circumstances? I saw a report last week about Chicago beingthe number one city for stress. Lord I know that I have the courage and knowledge to demand more. I want your promises. I want your blessings. I love the fact that God can and will make a way. We just have to accept the way that the Lord makes for us and know that the world doesn't decide for us what is best. God knows what's best for us. God loves us.

Thank You

Thank You for taking the time to do my aunt's service. I appreciate your thoughtfulness and concern. Your showed caring and concern when you spoke about her. She was sick for a long time but she always wanted to hear your sermon. I was glad to know that she got a chance to be there on Sunday. Thank You for being there. I know it threw your schedule off but I thank you anyway. I know you went out of your way and I truly respect that and appreciate your efforts and trouble. The family is very grateful. I didn't know it was going to be all those acknowledgements. It is done now.

I have to get to church now. I'm excited about my future. With all the stress in my life I can still call on the Lord for guidance, hope and love. I need God today and I want to let him know that I need him today. I need him. I need you. Guide my path.

Hello

Thank God for new mercies every day. I Have been sick, under the weather, whatever you want to call it, I have not been feeling good for the last few days. I had no business coming today, Once you turn fifty everything begins to fall apart. I have to schedule a whole and complete physical now. Other stuff is going on. No matter, I believe it will all be just fine. I just couldn't miss this day since I have been absent from this journal since Tuesday. I have not been on the computer at all this week. I wanted to see you and interact, speak to, hug you.

You are so thoughtful to do all that you do for us. Having that speaker here today was truly a good thing. You have your finger on the pulse of this community. You listen to what people say and are aware of their needs. I'm very proud of you. You do so much for so many. Thank You for being you.

I take nothing for granted. I appreciate every moment, touch and encounter. I don't even assume that you are still reading this journal. I just hope and pray for something more each and every day. I don't take anything for granted and I never take you for granted. I am grateful for everything. Thank You Lord.

 

Today

Today I make amends with the fact that my daughter is leaving this Thursday. on her sister's birthday. We have been a close family and now she leaves with our prayers and thoughts with her. It will be alright, it will be alright. Good job, I guess, who knows what a good company is anymore. Good prospects for a promotion. Lord that is one thing that has been on my mind.

Had my first National Board meeting with my cohort yesterday. Three hours every Monday until May for sure and possibly June. What have I gotten myself into. This seems to be a huge amount of work. No wonder so many people don't do it.

Daddy's building has water coming in from the top and the bottom. I have to orchestrate the calling and setting up appointments to work on the building and viewing with insurance.  Cant travel their our normal route, roads are flooded. What to do, what to do. Do I try to go today or do I just go to bible study, stay in the city. Am I being neglectful of one, selfish of another because I desire to be with him tonight instead of worrying about that building. There's really little that I can do except look and even then I cant get on the roof. We need the expert up there.

Lord I am not complaining. I know we all have things that need to be done. Sometimes I feel less productive than I should. I know that you order our steps but sometimes .... with work also being a factor, I just feel overwhelmed. Most of the time I just do what I have to do and keep moving. If I sit and think about it then its  seems to be too much. But as I read Isaiah 45:12 and18 and 19-25. Our Lord created everything and wants us to inhabit this Earth. The  Lord did not say in vain Seek me, but seek me first and everything else will come second. Every knee will bow and every tongue shall confess that the Lord God Almighty Reigns. I put my trust in the Lord. Everything will work according to His perfect will.

I Miss You

I miss you.

I wont let you just walk away.

I miss you.

I will not let my dream go. I will not let you go through this alone. We hae so much to get through..

I'm Going to Be Alright!

Blessed be the Lord. I'm going to be alright. Don't you worry about me. I'm a winner in this situation for my life and health. Thank you Lord for keeping me on the right track. I believe that I have new mercies each and every day.

Unity Sunday I was rushing. Rushing to get to you. I made it and was able to participate in a powerful worship session. I tried to get a CD so I could savor it over the week in my car and it was sold out by the time I got there. I did get my ticket for November. Then I am blessed to see you are still out side. Mama T gets me before I can get you and just like that you are gone.

I don't want to be classified as some hurt woman who's afraid to love. I don't like that label. I bristle up when I think someone long ago did something that affects my love life now. I don't give him that power over me. I never knew love before. We never had love, we had something different. God says to love one another. This is the most important commandment. This is much different from what I had before. This is being truly open to someone else who is truly open to you and trusting them to love you, honor you and protect you just as you intention is to do the same for them. I am pressing forward to take hold of that which Christ has called me.

I know that I'm not crazy. I'm just making choices, for what ever reason, that are contrary to my heart's desire. Is it easier to not be with you that it is to be with you. I want you to be happy and to have the very best that God has to offer you. I want you to be at peace with your life. Restless about the more that God has for you. You have God's promise that you will succeed. I believe that I will be what God wants me to be. I know that God loves me and wants me to love myself even more. Believe in Him and I believe in you.

Be blessed today and be a blessing to someone special.,

 

Today

Today I plant positive seeds in my life. I know that we wrestle not with flesh and blood but with powers and principalities.Its not my battle its the Lord's battle. If we pray and band together we can defeat any opposition. Through faith and prayer we can change the atmosphere. We can believe in the power of prayer. Wake Up, lets make this world a better place. We can do this together. We can make it work. Spiritual Armor for Spiritual Warfare. We can do this. We must do this.

 

Today

Today I will rejoice in the Lord.

"I will sing of the Lord's great love forever, with my mouth I will make your faithfulness known through all generations" Psalm 89:1

Father God I unfold my past and put it in proper perspective. Those things that are behind I leave behind. I don't want my it to be my will, let it be God's will. I trust you Lord with all my heart and I lean not to my own understanding but to yours. I acknowledge that you Lord make my way straight. I cant do it without you. Whatever it takes I want to live in the new resurrection, the freshness of being alive and not dead, the renewing of my mind with Christ Jesus.

I don't know all that is to come or profess to say I understand everything that has happened in my past but I don know I am willing to work daily toward the day when I will finally be all that the Lord wants me to be. I want to devote all my energies to being in that race where I am pressing toward the end and I receive the The Lord, Our Father is calling me up to be. Because Christ Jesus died for me I will have the chance to reach that goal.

I am blessed today and everyday. I pray that in letting go of the past I am able to walk wholeheartedly in to my future with a renewed authority, power, privilege and right. I am a child of The Most High God.

Be extremely blessed today and be a blessing to some one.

I welcome all responses. 

Today

Today was a good day. Every day that I am here is a good day. I'm not ranting and raving about anything today. Today is a good day, Tomorrow I'm going to get up early and write in my journal.

Today

I believe God loves me but I wonder what he was thinking about me and the lesson  that I have to learn.  I am only human.  

I am arrogant(I just don't like a lot of people bothering me, I have so much on my plate, it just seems overwhelming sometimes, I just want to be left alone to recuperate but that never seems to happen, especially now that I have a little one in the house, his momma, my momma and poppa, my brother, and my other daughter (who's now leaving to go to Seattle), have low self-esteem (not too low though, I am high maintenance to a certain degree), bitter(about what???), angry(with who????), hate men(I really don't think I hate men, I believe I love them, a lot, I just haven't trusted my heart to them, but I am willing) , unwilling to let people get close(true, true, but for very good reasons, trust issues again, who doesn't learn from their mistakes), stubborn(I'm fifty years old, I have a right to be stubborn ) and disobedient (well I try to follow God's will) so I wonder , why bother with me, I know you are frustrated and tired, I heard it in your voice.

 Do yourself a favor and just give up, no one will think less of you, move on, take on a new hobby, get another pet, go on a beautiful wonderful vacation, but what ever you do don't wait on this messed up girl. I am at a loss.

I don't know what to say or do to make this better. I don't know how to fix it. We seem to go through the motions. Now we are just oblivious to one another. My heart jumps when you are near. Nothing has changed. We are farther apart than ever.

 What do we build on now? I suppose we can go back to the basics. The journal was a first, it seem to strengthen and define. Then tear down and divide.  We need to build up and no matter what find some peace. On the one had we say we want this we believe in this and we gotta have this, we need each other to make sense of the whole thing.

On the other hand its no talking, no communicating, no contact and we have nothing to show for our efforts but a desire. I dont want to leave an encounter with you where we are not talking and interacting. I want to acknowledge great respect and honor and love. I want a difference. I want to see more than what we have right now. I believe in trying again. But the try is just in words lately.

The time is running out. We have no promises on our future. Time is running out.

 What is in the past is in the past. there comes a moment when you decide that this is it and I am going to give it my all. No holdback, no assumptions, just give it what you have. Another encounter where we are not any closer than we were before the encounter. How does that happen? We are more focused on just going with the routine, not changing anything and keeping everything just the same. Dont mess with the status quo. From my heart, I want the change, I want the declaration, I want the challenge to love and be loved. From my mind, I keep believing that every encounter holds potential to be the new beginning.