Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Good Morning

Good Morning

My Lord ahs seen fit to let me begin another day. Thank you Lord for taking the time to wake me today. My God shall supply all my needs. I work for the Lord. I strive to do his will.

Today is the day of the program. Thank God for that. I am so ready to have this over its just not even funny. I pray that the children do well. I have to remember to bring my camera. I look forward to this evening right now. I want this day over.

I know this is just me, me, me, but my energies have been with this program for the last four weeka that I can't wait until its over. I know God gives us many things to do and most of them will not be easy.  I continue to step on the side of God. I don't get it right all the time but I would rather err trying to work God's way than my own way. Where the Lord wants me to be that's where I want to be. My goal is unity. Uniting with you, being in unity with God's will. Working through the Spirit to encapsulate unity in my life and the people who are around me, with me, part of me. I have decided to do whatever it takes. I know following God will not be easy. Has not been easy and there is no easy button to make it easier. But who wants easy anyway. Challenge me, continue to challenge me. Speak the truth, challenge my beliefs about the world. My relationship with it and how I can honor God and not man. Speak to my heart. Love me inspite of my flaws.

I pray that you are feeling better. Drink plenty of fluids, take your vitamins and get plenty of rest. Have a blessedly wonderful day and know that love is to be cherished. I love you and will be thinking about you today. Today.

Monday, February 27, 2006

HI

Hi, I'm writing tonight because the modem is working again. I don't know what the problem is. They called repeatedly to say there was an outage in the area today and did I still need the serviceman to come out on Thurs. I said no. I'm just wondering what it will be like in the morning.

I had such a horrible day. We are practicing for the black history program for tomorrow and it is such a headache.

I tried to have an exercise in following directions and they just could not focus to get through the lesson.

Tomorrow is the program. I cant wait until its over. I'll be wearing my one blue ethnic outfit. I know I'll hear stuff from the children. oh well. I just want that day to be over.

Four suspensions today. Three boys and one girl. One crying parent. Oh my goodness.

I hope you are feeling better. Drink plenty of fluids. While you may feel better you may not be one hundred percent. Chicken soup is truly the magic cure for lots of things.

I feel like I should be addressing something else you said yesterday but I'm tired and I just wanted to say something before I went to bed. Good Night. Be blessed and be a wonderful blessing to someone besides me. I'm not torn between two worlds either. Whatever I have to give up I will. What ever sacrafice I have to make I will.

Good Morning

What a morning. My modem went out at home. I called comcast and they will be out on thursday afternoon. I am taking this opportunity to jot down something at work because I dont want to not put in an entry.

Thank you for the eye opening direction. I read that chapter when I was in the back of the limo on my way to London two years ago. I asked God to direct me to something that would give me insight into the two weeks I would be spending with my dad and his alumni. True friendship was what I got from that. When we were together for those two weeks we didnt have any problems, not like when we went to Paris. Paris was horrible. But back to that chapter. True friendship. Deciding to go God's way or man's way. I have decided to go God's way. I will trust him to guide me where ever I am to go. I have told my friend that I wont be seeing him, or talking to him. What ever I need to do I want to do it. I hold out my hand and ask for him to take it and take me where I need to be. This school, that school, this house, that house. This town, or that town. I want to go where God wants me to go.

Be blessed and have a blessedly wonderful day. Gotta go get my children.

Sunday, February 26, 2006

Good Morning

Good MorningLord. You are my one and only God. I will worship you both day and night. I thank you today. I thank you for sending your angels to rescue me and wake me this morning. You are trustworthy and good. I know that you are worthy to be praised. You word shall not return void. You are an almight God.

"...the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king. But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up." Daniel 3:17-18

Even if nothing goes right today, even if everything goes well, I will always put my trust in God. The great protcetor, the Great I AM. I may have had some doubts and fears, and I'm not saying that I won't ever have doubts and fears again but I know that my God will see me through. Faith in my God. Whatever the decision, it rest with my God.

My daughter is coming with me today.  Then we are going to see my father for a little while. Then I have to get back to wash clothes. I can't put it off any longer.

Have a blessed day and I look forward to seeing you soon. With sincere and deepest affection and love.

Saturday, February 25, 2006

Good Morning

Good MOrning Lord. I am grateful for today. You have seen fit that I should rise today. Thank you for your blessings. Thank you for all that you do for me when I sleep, and when I am awake. I pray that I listen today. I want to hear your words, your will, your way in my life. Thank you for giving me a sound mind and body today to tackle the tasks before me. Everybody needs a little piece of me today Lord. Help me to give appropriately. Let me not disappoint them today.

Saturday school again. Two more weeks. I'm sure I won't do that again. I won't say never ever because you just dont know, but I'm feeling that it will not happen anytime soon. As we draw to the close of this week my thought to you is how has your week been? Did you get a sense of relief and affirmation this week. Are you still apprehensive? Have we bonded again? Are people around you happier because you are happier? Are you rested? Did you have any hardships this week? How are the plans for Easter coming along? I know you are busy. What's on the agenda for today?

I plan to work until 12:30. Then go to my daughters. Wash clothes sometime today or tomorrow. Visit my dad. I havent seen him in a while. Then prepare for tomorrow. That really is quite a lot of stuff, and let's not forget the ever mounting pile of papers that need to be graded.

This past week I had three parent conferences. Parents can sometimes be the worst to deal with. One parent told me she educated her son by having him watch an old movie that I thought was inappropriate. She beat him because he wrote poetry about her and their inability to communicate. Another one wants me to like her granddaughter more even though the child has said she doesnt like me and continues to be disruptive in class. We have a black history program on Tuesday and the students wont practice their parts... I could go on and on but I won't.

Have a very blessed day today and remember that you are deeply loved.

Friday, February 24, 2006

Date Night

Date Night

Hello, we haven't had a real date night in a while.

I was so concerned about the picture I chose this morning. It was on my mind for the whole day.  I didnt like the picture. I liked the caption for the picture. God creating woman out of man. I thought that encapsulated the two of us. But as I looked at it the picture didnt really say that to me. Man from woman. My being was  becoming part of you . We work together as a union. We complenent each other. This picture was not saying that. Sometimes when I pick a picture I pick it for the caption before I pick it for the the actual picture.  This picture began to insuinuate a more woman working the mind of man when asleep or something like that. I just didnt feel comfortable with it. I wanted to change it this morning but I didnt have the time. It take ten minutes for me to actually log on and I had signed off, so logging on again was just not possible in the time frame I had available. I hope you didnt get  a bad impression.

Sometimes I just feel its important to get the right message across. Sometimes it is impossible to get the right nmessage across just using this.

I know that I must embrace this if I am to move forward and embrace this I will. If I am to move forward I must embrace this and embrace this I will. God wants a foundation and I will give him that. I try to give him whatever he wants. I am in the mindset of pleasing God.

What are you in the mindset for?

Well today was an interesting day. I am not looking forward to tomorrow.  Two more weeks of Saturday school and then its over. I dont think I will ever sign up for Saturday School again. Its too early and your whole day is gone. Suddenly my whole weekend is gone. Sunday I am up early too. I have not had a restful weekend.

I look forwad to this Sunday. I will not leave for a movie or anything early. I am waiting for the opportunity to be with you again.

I will embrace the opportunity to be with you  at any occasion. I have to do that. Treasure the moments. Whether big or small.

I hope you had a good day today. I hope that you are well and that everything went well today. I pray that we will be successful. I will only speak of us. Together we will survive and be successful. We cant do it alone, we can only do it together. Its only us.

Be blessed and have a blessed evening. I love you. NO picture, I dont think I could pick the right one.

Good Morning

Good Morning Lord. Thank you for waking me this morning. Thank you for showing you greatness in my life. You have created in me a hunger and thirst for your will. I want to do it your way or not at all. I want to be in the secret place. The place where you know how to keep me safe and protected, yet able to do anything.  To know that I am surrounded by your love. To feel the warmth of you love all around me. To explore the unknown, whit you right by my side. You will nevre leave me nor forsake me.

 You are my special place. My place of challenge and mystery. I have protection and love in my secret place with you. I want you to have a very blessed day today. To be a blessing to someone who may be down and be blessed yourself. Your world is not that bad. Trust in God and together we can make a difference in our world and the whole world. With my most sincerest and deepest heartfelt affection, with love.                                                                        

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Good Morning

Good Morning Lord. All praises and glory go to you this wonderful day Lord. Thank you for your blessings. Thank you for waking me up this morning. Thank you for giving me a chance to gt it right today. Thank you for allowing me to praise and worship you this morning. I humble myself before you God. Take away any ego, pride, self centeredness and anything that does not allow me to humble my self before you.

I believe that God wants me to embrace this journal. To love the fact that I have this journal. I have said I will embrace it, but I don't. I believe that God wants me to understand that this journal will set the boundaries for us emotionally. We are linked spiritually through this. While we may not have the kind of relationship in the physical it doesnt mean we dont have a spiritual closeness that is very important in any relationship. Some people never have this much real spiritual closeness. This is more important than the  physical. The physical will not be a problem, its what to do after the physical. We continue to develop a closeness that comes from caring about the other person. You light up my life. You bring a smile to my heart. My joy rises when I think of  you. God wanted us to develop a solid foundation so that when the storms come we have that foundation to hold on to each other. This requires a lot of pruning, cutting and stretching. I may not get it right but I will keep trying.

Have a blessedly wonderful day today and know that you are deeply loved.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Good Morning

Good Morning Lord. thank you for your loving kindness towards me today. You have waken me up and allowed me to start on my day. Your blessings are all around me today. Thank you for giving me a sound mind and body.  Your grace and your mercy is all around me.

I hear your words. My heart continues to be moved by your journey. God is doing a new thing in me. I see that now. I'm being molded and stretched and things are being revealed to me about myself and what I must be willing to give up freely. I am a control freak to a certain degree. We all are really. We like to orchestrate our life to have a certain level of comfort. But we cant live in that comfort.If I am to weigh my things, people and stuff in life to my relationship with God I have to choose God. My choosing of God is to understand that He is a presence and I must know that inorder to serve him I must serve others. I am inexplictly connected to you. Whether we speak, touch or even exist on the same continent, there is a bond.How we manage to control, manipulate or just let God design the union is really the key. Lord I do feel as if I'm losing ground, but I'm just losing the ability to control. I have to let go and let God. Let go and let God be in control.I let go of anything that seemed to be of importance in my life that is blocking me from where I am suppose to be with God. I'm working my way through this blockage. I'm releasing what use to be important and I am searching for what I must have and do. 

Give thanks to the LOrd, for his love endures forever. Thank you Lord.

Have a blessed day and I will continue to say I love you.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Good Morning

Good Morning Lord. Thank you for waking me up this morning. Thank you f for needing me one more day. Thank you for your blessings inspite of my own inadequate self. Thank you Father God for loving me. You are more that enough for everything in my life. Thank you for the Holy Spirit. Thank you for sending Jesus to rescue me from my sins. My rescuer. My Savior. YOU are an awesome God and I am blessed to be able to worship you.

Bless us on our travels today.  Grant traveling mercies on us. Dispatch your angels to protect us. Protect our comings and goings. Be safe today. Be careful. Have a blessedly wonderful day today and be a blessing to someone today. With sincrest and deepest affection. With love. In honor of the fact we are studing Brazil in our afterschool program I choose this picture.

Monday, February 20, 2006

Doctors

Sometimes God will have you in a place and not let you know until you are there what you are suppose to do. I have been taking my daughter to her appointments for a few months now. I didnt take her to the last one, her boyfriend took her. Each time I have asked her to talk to the doctor about different things going on with her. Each time she said she did but he didnt do anything. So this time I went with her into the exam room. I'm her mother and I had to talk to a man rudely and with authority to get the services that my daughter needed and was entitled to. She is on the medicaid assistance card and he accepts it. Now he was treating her, or at least making her feel bad because she was on it, now I told him she required the same service as anyone else, no matter what type of insurance she has. My daughter didnt grow up on medicaid, and this is her first time ever using this kind of service, and even if she did he is not to disrespect her just because she has public assistance. He was a korean male in his 50's or 60's even. When I spoke to him with authority and wouldnt let him toss off her concerns and made him listen to her, and spoke over him as he tried to speak over me, he respond to her concerns, he had a different attitude. He said she didn't have to bring her mother in to talk to him, she could talk to him herself. I told him she is new at this and she tried but he just didn't listen. She said Mommy, I told him the same thing but he said I had a medical card and these things cost. I told her it is not for him to decide what you can afford and not afford. He has to provide and offer the same service to you as he would to any other patient. He made me mad, treating my daughter poorly. Then he tried to diss her on her boyfriend/husband situation. I stopped him right away. I may not like that boy but he was not about to talk about him or my daughter's choice or situation. How is it that physicians, who are dealing with women in a fragile situation, can make them feel so bad. I told her to change doctors but she has been with him and just wants to let him deliver the baby and be done with him. I don't think he deserves the right to do that. I think I need to talk to him one more time to let him know that he has poor people skills.

OK, enough of me complaining. I'm listening to yesterday's sermon. There is more that is required of me. When my heart gets broken I need a healer. Does it need to be fixed or does it need to be healed? god isso awesome. I am amazed daily by the things that He does for me.

How's Your Day Going?

How's your day going? I hope everything is going well.

I'm waiting to take my daughter for her appt. and I had a few spare minutes so I thought I would say hello.

What a life you lead. Having to deal with a woman who is probably getting on your last nerve. I bet I'm pretty annoying. When you sit down to read a entry you don't know what its going to say, and more to the point what its not going to say. What assumptions have I made. What innuendos have I misunderstood. What have I taken totally out of context? What did you mean to say and what did I understand you to have meant. How do we communicate and continue to forgive when there is a misunderstanding. How do we think that this is even important in the whole realm of life threatening things in the whole wide world. How do we move on to the really important stuff between us? After each time I think, I've blown it now. He's moved on. Then I think, no, he will stay, he knows you're restless, impatient, impractical, whatever, he will stay.  Then I think why would he stay? Logic says he sould get out of this relationship and find the one who is more compatible. Logic would say that. What do you say? Are you logical? Have you moved on?

I say Oprah today. Of course there were tears. How can you not watch and not feel some sort of emotion. When you see Oprah you get logical about a lot of stuff. I don't get to watch her at night because I usually am asleep by 11pm. I just miss it. Then when I wake too early, I have nothing but strange stuff on the tube.

Good Morning

Good Morning Lord. The Lord God is mighty and I shall exalt His Name at all times. HIs will be done in my life. Thank you for today Lord. There is still more that is required of me.  I looked at this relationship as if I were you and you were me. What must this be like for you? What's it like on the other side of this relationship? I put myself in your shoes. There is someone who has caught my eye. I feel a connection to them but nothing really has happened. Then I stumble upon a journal and learn their true feelings about me. I read this every day and see this person twice a week. It intrigues me that so much goes on during the week. I respond occasionally to inaccurate assumptions and make comments to try to foster this relationship into fruition. This is the only form of communication I have with this person. So I begin to tell this person that they must break free of the bonds that are holding them back. Remove the shackles that are containing them. I want this person in my life but I don't know how to do it. I seek advice. I say some of the things that I have been given to say. He responds in a different manner. I feel us being pulled more apart than together. I refuse to let that happen. I profess my love, devotion and desire. I'm in a situation tht doesn't allow for dating and other forms of personal contact so I treasure the journal. I pray that it never stops and that one day we will solve the mystery and be together. Our time together is my chance to break bonds and have them do something that strengthens our bond. I pray, pray and pray.

Who would believe such a fairy tale?  Someone who knows that love, longing, endurance, disappointment, bitter concern often flower in stronger love and later, a more merry heart. Where do we go from here? Trust in God for all my answers. Trust in God to guide me and show me the way. Trust in God for the truth in every situation.

Have a blessed day and be a blessing to someone else.

Sunday, February 19, 2006

Good Morning

Good MOrning Lord. Blessed be you name. Thank you for calling me out of my sleep this morning. Thank you for loving me and calling me by name. Thank you for your blessings today and everyday. You know my needs and you are the supplier of all my needs. Thank you for loving me Lord.

Give Glory to God for he is worthy.What expectations do you have this morning? Are your dreams and visions clear? Have you wrestled with understanding them?  The only thing clear to me is that I need Jesus in my life daily. I have to consult the bible daily and I have to pray and pray for understanding. The Lord is my shepard and I shall not want. My eyes are on God and I search for answers from him. Today is a day of great expectations. Everyday that we have together is a day of expectations. I am expecting something. Have a blessed day and know that you are loved.

Saturday, February 18, 2006

Good Morning

 

Good Morning Lord. Thank you for today. In your world Lord everyone is important. I am important and I am loved. Thank you for loving me Lord. Thank you for finding a place for me in your world today. I still have something to do for you. My time is not yet up. I rejoice and am pleased to know that there's still more for me to do. I am your humble and obedient servant. Guide me, lead me, show me the way. Walk with me and be the lamp under my feet. Guide me through any storm, carry me when I am weary and together we will go where you need me to be. That's the only place I want to be.

I'm sorry for any offense I may have caused. I have to question, when I don't know. But I also have to be will to just go and do even when I don't know. Even when the answer isnt clear.

If any of this makes sense to you then you are good. I dont even understand most of this sometimes. I just do it.

"Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30

Friday, February 17, 2006

Good Morning

Good Morning Lord. Thank you for your blessings.

I was having modem troubles this morning.

Sorry that this is short and sweet but I have to get ready. I spent  time on this already trying to figure this out.

I did want to say Good Morning and have a blessed day today.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Too Heady

I heard you say that one day, and I just let it go. I thought, about back when I first began this journal and how you had said something about how it was too sexy. I don't want this to turn into soft porn, but I also want you to know that there is some heat here.

I didn't like the inuendo that women teach their daughters to hate men if they have had a bad relationship. I for one, and I can only speak of myself, have always taught my daughters to love their father. They have continually had relationships with men, and they were raised with men (my grandfather, we lived with him for 10 years when I returned to this city) my father was always an integral part of our life, my brother was important to them and they also spent the summers each year with their father. I'm not a man hater. What I will not do is applaud or accept a man who has treated my daughters badly. One how has beat her, held a knife to her and kicked her and beat her about the head. I don't like him now, I didn't like him when I met him and I quite frankly don't see me liking him in the future. I'll pray for God's forgiveness. We all have something we need forgiveness for. I'm not a frigid woman who doesn't like to get hot and heavy with my man and steam up the windows and let him know that I am wanting him. I know how to treat a man like a king and let him know that he is the only person alive in any room with me. I know how to make him blush and let him know that he alone is the only man for me. He warms my heart and my soul. I whisper in his ear and he hears nothing but me. I know how to love a man. I am not frigid or cold. I love men and I know how to love a man. But you don't know that. You don't jknow that side of me. Is that the thing you have been wanting to see? The me that desires nothing but you and can't control herself. The me that is wrapped around you. Is that what you need to see?

I thought about this for a while and realized that you aren't feeling that love. I'm not showing you you that love. You hear/read it when I say it and that don't mean a dag gone thing to you. Show me the money!!! You are in a very important role in my life. You hold two important positions and you are the first to do that. I don't want to embarass you, myself or do anything to embarrass you. I don't want any gossip or talk to hurt you in any way. I want to keep on your good side. Sunday and Tuesday, of course its not enough. Everyday time is ticking and we just let it happen. We have the right time and that time is God's time. But that's what you need. You need to see the love. You need a little love in your life. You need to see and feel the love encompass you and melt you like an ice cube in the summer. That's where the work is. How to make that happen. Baby needs some love. Longer holds in the hugs, more looks and smiles, more kisses when given the chance and just love him. I'm not trying to script anything but I have to say this is not easy. Love, Love, Love. Love makes the world go round. Loving you is easy cause youre beautiful. Will you be my valentine? Say yes. Say we can be together. Say we can be lovers.

Say yes.

Good night.

Good Morning

Good Morning Lord. I remain forever grateful that you have given me another day. My thanks to you today is from my heart. As always I have to begin with words of thanks and acknowledgement that without you, nothing is possible. You say come to me all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. I come to you because the Lord is my shepard and I shall not want. Prayer will sustain me and my faith will keep me in prayer. I don't need a big showing, or fancy words. I don't need an outpouring of deeds and well wishes. I don't need affirmations that you still care. I don't compare your love with the love of  some utilities company stranger. I know the difference and I don't need you to tell me the difference. If  I'm confused about love I know where to go to clarify my understanding. I don't need a fifty stanza poem or love songs that declare devotion forever. When it comes down to it what does your heart tell you? What does your spirit tell you? If its all a bundle of confusion then that's your answer. You either believe or you don't. That's the truth. Waiting for the "sign" will be a long wait indeed. The fact that love is a leap of faith is in itself the crystal clear understanding. No cloud from the sky will come to you, no voice from afar will speak to you. Your confirmation or denial lies within yourself. So I continue to tell myself, Yes, its going to be allright. Yes, its going to become a reality. Yes, its in the future. Yes, Yes, Yes. Positive about my position. What you seek or need, I am at a loss to give. Maybe that's the problem right there. I don't know what you need and you don't know what I need. What is it that you truly need from me? 

Have a very blessed day and be a blessing to someone, know that you are loved by me.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Good Morning

Good Morning Lord. Thank you for this day. Thank you for all of your grace and mercy. I am grateful for all that you do in my life. I know who you are and the power you have over me. Lord help me to be your servant. I want to decrease so that you may increase in my life. If I am holding on to something that you don't want me to have, get rid of it. I will always worship and adore you Father God.  You are my Master. If I seem to have any bitterness or resentment, remove it. Lord, teach me with authority. Cut to the chase. Get to the root. Remove any discontent and confusion. Lord I ask not of the things you can provide but of your character. I know you are the Great I Am, you can do all things. You are worthy to be praised. Lord help me to be a window through which the world sees God.

I don't know what else to say other than "filler up please" I want full service, nothing held back, no reserves, the creme de la creme, so I will say have a blessed day and be a blessing to someone today. Know that you are loved.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Good Morning

Good Morning Lord. Thank you for waking me up another day. I thank you for each and every day that I am here. Thank you for your blessings. Thank you for all that you have done for me. Thank you for loving me Lord. Your Spirit renews me and gives me the strength to meet the challenges of the day.

Hello young man. Have a Happy Valentine's Day and renew your faith in God. I look forward to today because I will see you this evening. Be blessed and be a blessing to someone today. Know that you are loved very much.

Monday, February 13, 2006

My Day

My thoughts are many today. I have been left alone with them as my daughter stood me up. She and her "baby's daddy" are off doing something. My hair has not been done. Its half way finished. I needed a perm today and I have done the perm but the hair has not been styled. I've been thinking about having it colored. The gray is coming in more and more. I know you care nothing about my hair but I'm telling you anyway.Just how my day has gone sour. Its of little importance in the real world of movers and shakers but it means something to me. No lunch, no movie. I might see a movie by myself, I usually do that anyway but I was looking forward to spending some time with my daughter. I haven't called my father in awhile. He's mad at me for something. He probably thinks I should be over there more. Well, enough of my pitiful day. All in all its not been that bad really.. I've read, had a chance to see an old movie that is one of my favorites and just relax. No pressure at all.

Good Morning

Good Morning Good Morning, Blessed is the name of the Lord. The Lord is my shepard and I shall not want. Thank you Lord for loving me. Thank you Lord for hearing my prayers and guiding me along the path.Thank you for waking me up today. I know you didnt have to but you did anyway.Thank you Lord. Glory to your name. Lord I will listen today.

Yesterday was a very good day. The people came out in droves to hear a very prolific speaker. He of course was excellent.I love the idea of a self esteem teacher. I'm sure with help of those very learned professors you will find the right person.African American studies has always been a passion for me. I never majored in it. Self Esteem is going to require a sensitivity to the individual as a whole. Becareful that it doesn't turn into another history class for the young, but something to build thier sense of self worth. I'm really excited about the new thing you are doing. You are asking the children to find out who they are and to love who they are and each other. That's beautiful. I pray for success in this area for you. I pray for success in all areas of your life.

Today I am off. Yeah! I'm getting my hair done, going to lunch with my daughter and maybe going to a movie. Of course I will have papers to grade. There's like never a day when there aren't papers to grade.Be extremely Blessed today and have the insight to bless someone else today.

Sunday, February 12, 2006

Good Morning

Good Morning Lord. Thank You Lord for waking me up today. Thank You.

Thank You for your grace and mercy today.

Thank you for listening to me when I complain.

Thank you for just being there to comfort me.

Thank you Lord for loving me.

I got my brakes done yesterday. It took most of the day.

I'm looking forward to today. I get to see you. My goal is to get there early. That's my goal.

Be blessed and know that you are loved.

Saturday, February 11, 2006

Too Quick

I was too quick to applaud CSpan. They have now only given two hours just like BET. Maybe the felt that three hours was too much since BET only gave two hours. Tehy now hat some lame  congressoinal dinner. As I said before if we don't honor it how do we think others will honor it? CSPAN was originally going to give it three hours but since BET only gave it two why should they give it more? What's up with that?

Hi

Sometimes I think that you have given up on me and our dream, sometimes I think that you have embraced the dream of you and me more than I have. Sometimes I think that we are just too much, and the actual relationship is never to be. Sometimes I think that we are just right and this is where we are suppose to be right now doing exactly what we are doing right now. Today I feel like we are where we are suppose to be right now.

So now I will tell you what I am doing and what makes me feel the way I feel. I am watching Coretta Scott King's Funeral  (she always used her maiden name). I am now watching the speech of Attallah Shabazz. She came after the Clintons who I respect and treasure. The term "frozen chosen" will always be cherished in my memory of G. Bush Sr. My ultimate reason for watching of course is to see you. I treasure the the fact that CSpan can show three hours, back to back. I hate the fact that BET will only show two hours as if its so long they can only captivate their audience for two hours on a historic moment in history. I made my children watch it in school on the internet. I have printed off the program for use in our black history program at the end of the month. I have given my children an assignment to find a biographical sketch of 6 famous writers and have included Coretta Scott King as an extra credit assignment. If we don't make it important, who will? The intimatcy is necessary to relate to the Mother of the Civil Rights Movement. We must not forget, ever what their sacrafice and devotion to the movement of advancement of colored people, Negro people and Black people was.

Tomorrow , we will have a very prolific speaker speak on the needs, desires and dreams of my people. He has given us a very educated, and profound message. Will his message today be a message of power or of love. Do we need to push forward or do we need to love? Will we have the strength to endure the message and just say thus sayeth the Lord and move forward? What will the the prohetic voice be? I pray that it will be a new and challenging voice that reaches our very core and challenges us to rise up and speak the truth. The collective truth has always been the voice of reason. God's word does not go in vain. It will be spoken, and it will prevail.

I pray that we are united one day in the union that God wants for us. I look forward to that day. Everything that has breath praise the Lord. Praise the Lord for he is worthy to be praised. His will be done in my life. I praise the Lord and I continue to seek God and ask HIM to guide the destiny for me and for you to come into fruition at HIS perfect time. I know that when and how the Father wants things to be done it will be done. Not my will but thy will be done.

I gbreive over the time that I have not spent on this journal knowing that this is my only true connection to you. My only true connection to you. I know that one on one we meet. I may shy over the public display that occurs weekly but I don't have any less the private display that I love you. Do not take those words lightly. I do not bestow them regularly. I do not tell everyone that I love them. I want you to know that you are special in my Life and that God has led me to you and that we are meant to be. I do not treat this union lightly. I do not  toss you off as an aquaitance. You are so special to me that words cannot express how I feel about you. No matter what happens, you are definately important in my life. You are a defining entinity that makes a difference in my daily comings and goings. Now , do I read the paper each day or watch the  TV each day to see what they have to say about you, NO. I don't do that. I don't read the paper or watch TV.  Usually when I hear about something in the paper or on TV you have told me or someone else has told me. My thoughts about will never change. There is nothing I can read or hear about you that will make me think bad about you. I know that you are good and that what you do is for the good of man and for God's purpose.

I didn't know that Coretta had ovarian cancer. I didn't know. I don't know everything. I know that I don't know everything. God must be with us at all times so that we are with God.

I have taken up too much of your time, and I know that you have many people who demand your time but I am so glad that sometime during the day you take the time and read some of the words that I write. I love you for that. If nothing else, I know that you care about me. You read what I write in this journal. This journal that I sometimes think is stupid and arrogant. Its so much about me that I feel that it's ridiculous. But I know that you read it. I would like to think that you read it everyday and

 I         love                       you                  for                     that

Every day I am in your life, that means so much to  me.

God said this was important and I continued to write. I pray that it is important to you. 

I love you and I pray that you love me too.

I have bored you enough, its time for me to go, good night and I look forward to seeing you tomorrow. My joy is to see you.

Be blessed and have a blessed evening.

Good Morning

Good Morning Lord. Thank you for another day. Thank you for your tender mercies and your loving kindness and grace. Lord in the morning I have no music, no, TV, nothing but your word and books of reflection. Lord I search the word to find your message for me that day. Sometimes verses and melodies will come into my head, sometimes I will just not get anything. Lord I seek you  early in the morning. I know that you will never leave me nor forsake me. Jesus Christ is the same yesterday today and forever.My desire is to never give up. Never give up hope. Forgive me if I seem to have given up. Sometimes my discouragement with the present situation seems to override my need to hope.But I know the Lord is my helper and I can say that with confidence.

I would like to thank you for bring such a good speaker for us to hear. You are a great leader and teacher. You speak the word of God to us and bring men who speak the truth about our nation's politics. I'm glad you and Lowry said what you said. Stand tall on your words. You speak the truth. You can't honor a person if you can't honor what they stood for in life. Some people have turned freedom into something that is free. Freedom is not free. Freedom cost.

Well one more Saturday. I pray that I am effective with the children today. I have to also get my brakes done today.

Have a blessed day and be a blessing to someone. Know that you are loved.

Friday, February 10, 2006

Good Morning

Good Morning Lord. Thank You for today. I love you. I love the fact that I have a personal relationship with you Lord. Thank you for loving me. I walk by faith and not by sight. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I am the head and not the tail.My strength is renewed in God.

Hi Honey. I saw you on TV. Your interview was great. I am so happy you decided to do that. There are a lot of people who love you and recognize the sacrafice you have made. 25 years in one church and one neighborhood. The growth and development of both. You have saved that neighborhood. You brought life and love in an area that was dying. You are blessed. I wish, I pray, I hope that you get all that you hope for. I don't want you to lose out in any way. You have done too much and gone too far to not have everything you have hoped for.What ever your plans are, they will work out.I say yes and yes and yes. I wait, and wait and wait as long as I have to. I know what God wants and I want to do just that. Everything is going to be allright.

Be blessed today and enjoy the accolades you will receive today. You are a blessing to many people. Let them tell you that. You have touched so many lives, in so many different ways that words cannot express how they feel. You are a treasure.Always believe that. Know that I love you.

Thursday, February 9, 2006

Good Morning

Good Morning Lord. Thank you for this wonderful, glorious morning. Thank yo for waking me up and starting me on my day. Let the glory of the Lord rise upon me. Lord, Lord, Lord. May I continue to praise you all the days of my life. My heart's desire it to please you Lord. I want to do your will in my life. I thank you for all that you do and all that you have done in my life. Thank you for your blessings.

Hi Honey. What's on the agenda for today? I have a dr's appt. I will see a specialist about my sinus infections. An ENT guy. They say they can drain them or something. It could be a tooth problem too. What ever it is I want a cure and I want it now.

I have been trying to get bible study tape of the wedding at Cana session of Raising our expectations and I keep hearing they are sold out. I asked her to make one for me. I will try to borrow one from somebody who was able to get one before they sold out. Its a hot commodity.

I'm looking forward to Friday. I plan to get there early so I can sit on the side where I can see better. My friend is also coming with me. I have an extra ticket because her boyfriend decided he didnt want to come.

I think I am struggling at my job. The students are very challenging and the desire to learn is just leaving them. I must not be a good teacher if I can't instill a desire to learn in them. I know how the books say it should be but the real world is different. The challenges that teacher's face with behavior detract from the actual teaching and learning. Well enough of my rant.

Be blessed and have a good day.

Wednesday, February 8, 2006

Good Morning

Thank You Lord for Today.

Thank you for waking me up and thank you for allowing me to have the presence of mind to Thank You for that simple fact. You have watched me through the night and I have taken the good things you have placed in me and tried to guard them with the help of the Spirit and try to be come something that you are not ashamed of.  Father God thank you for protecting me. Lord help me to listen today and hear your voice. I want to do your will and your commands. Lord let your words of truth be my guide. Lord let the gossips just go by the way side and let the truth come out. Lord I don't want to be involved in any arguments today. Let us use the truth to guide us. The truth cuts like a sword.

I pray that you had an uneventful journey home and that you are safe. I hope, I hope, I hope that you are feeling well. I know your week is full and busy. Schedule in some rest time and I hope you are still aggressively persuing treatments, remedies and stuff to make you better. Be blessed and be a blessing to someone today. Have a blessed, loving, and  blessed day. I'm believing God for my miracle today and everyday. God is faithful.

Tuesday, February 7, 2006

Hi

Thank you for such a touching tribute. I saw it at school. I turned it on the computer and we watched it from 2 - 4:00. We didn't even see it from the beginning.  I was so glad I had a chance to see you speak. I told the children my pastor would be speaking. They wanted to know what church I went to but I refuse to tell them. I want one day where I won't see them. God probably will have one of them come now that I have said that. I was working on stuff on and off while it was on and I looked up and there you were. I screamed, Oh there he is. They went crezy is that him, where is he from. I had to shut up and try to calm them down. That was an amazing funeral and that church is huge. I wish I had asked for a program or something.

Have a blessed evening and a safe journey home. Get some rest. I pray that you are not experiencing any headaches. Know that you are loved very much. No pictures because I am letting my big picture speak for itself for awhile.Love ya and good night.

Good Morning

Good Morning Lord. Thank you for waking me up today. Thank you for allowing me to be able to worship you today. Thank you for allowing me to praise you today. Today is the day that I will continue to walk in your way. I thank you for all that you have given me and all that you will give me. Thank you Lord for your blessings.

You are going to be so gret today. I know you will do well. You have a wonderful way with people and you will win their hearts just as you have won mine. You will encourage the brokenhearted, enlighten those in the dark and show them how she loved people. You have the ear of the nation's leaders today. You will do well. God is guiding you.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understand; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6

Hve a blessed day today and safe travels. Come back me in one peice. Be blessed and be a blessing to someone. Know that you are loved.

Monday, February 6, 2006

Good Morning

Good Morning Lord. Thank you for waking me up today. Thank you for the ability to just be able to get up and prepare myself for today. Lord I will walk in boldness with you beside me. Courage and confidence. Whatever today has in store for me I'm ready for it because I know God is with me.

This week is a very special week for you. Walk in boldness, courage, and confidence when you present your tribute. You know they are expecting something negative to come out of your mouth in regards to the man who has already probably done an investigation on you to see where you stand. Rise above the personal negativity and speak the truth about a woman who's given her life for the struggle of the oppressed. This is not a time to direct personal arrows at people who will be there for show. This is a time to honor her death. This nation has received two people who wanted a better future for their children and their family and weren't afraid to ask for it and demand justice be done for it. Speak the truth from your heart and you will not have to make any personal affronts to anyone. Don't hold back, you are not bowing your head and showing shame or fear. You walk with God's boldness and confidence. That's why you were chosen. You are a man that knows the truth and are not ashamed to speak it. This isn't a time for attacks. This is a time to show the world the fight and acomplishments of a woman who stood by her man and continued to remind the world that he did not die in vain. Don't let their memory die with her. Let us remember that action is much better than words to honor this lady. I know you will do well. You will balance your tribute so that you have taken an extra long time to say your peace but you will leave that crowd and the nation with a heart filled with love for her and for you. Take your time and let God guide you with your words. The nation will be watching and you  are going to do well. You are going to be allright. It will be exceptional. God will guide you every step of the way. Be careful and confident in your travels today. Be blessed and be a blessing to someone today. Know that you are loved.

Sunday, February 5, 2006

Speak from the Heart

Speak from the heart. Speak about what hurts and what brings joy to my heart.

What hurts is when I hear that you were in an accident. Thank God you are OK. You can always get another car. We can not get another you.

Thank you, Lord. Thank You.

What brings joy is knowing that you are going to give a tribute to a great lady. When I went to the King Center website I saw some photos and a telegram that Martin sent Corretta while he was away tending to the nation's civil rights matters. He took the time to show her some love. That was lovely. That brought me joy. The telegram. The fact that she saved it and that we had a chance to view it was good. There was also a page from when he went to prison and all the books and sermons that he requested to read. He reread his sermons. Since he was in prison he had a chance to read and reread.

I need a new picture of you and me. You tell me to wait, I wait. You tell me to stay, I stay. I say Yes. I wait. I haven't changed my mind. I'm not giving up. I am pressing forward.

What's in my heart, why was I crying today. I held back. There's a big cry coming. I can tell. There's something on my heart and I need to get it out but I don't know what it is.

Good Morning

Good Morning Lord, thank you for another day. Thank you for your saving mercies and for all of your blessings. Thank you Lord for loving me today and starting me on my way. Thank you for giving me one more chance to get it right. A chance to do your will and try to find the right amount of compassion, grace and fortitude to keep going on down the road of destiny. We have lost a giant in the civil rights movement. I pray that you will attend her funeral. There needs to be hundreds of thousands of people to view the body, and attend the funeral. Let us not forget the great sacrifice she made for our country. She and her husband were able to begin healing the hurt and pain in America. She never let us forget her husband and the price he paid. I remember reading/hearing him say that it didn't cost America anything to allow us to vote or to desegrate, but when it begin to cost them some money to balance the economic issues that's when the struggle really began. We are still combating economic struggles. The last true struggle but the one that truly divides. I pray that you do attend the services for her this week. Bring back word so we can lay her to rest in our own minds. Never to forget, just to recognize the honor and love that she deserves.

Saturday, February 4, 2006

Good Morning

Good Morning Lord. I wake to another day with your grace and mercy surrounding me. Thank you Lord for all that you have done for me. Thank you for loving me and remembering me. Thank you for caring about me Lord. Thank you Lord for taking authority in my life and guiding my path. Lord I put my trust and faith in you. You will continue to be my light in dark places and my wisdom when I feel I have none. Your will and your truth I desire. Lord help me to discipline myself so that I hear your words and that I hear them with authority. Lord I don't seek the "why" I just want to be in place you want me to be and doing the things you want me to do. Guide me with your wisdom and cover me with your love.

Have a blessed day today and remember that you are loved.

Friday, February 3, 2006

Good Night

I wonder sometimes where life is leading me.

What do you do when a friend of 27 years is threatened to become lost? Challenged by a new relationship? Challenged by insecurities that are unfounded.

Wheat past loves and relationships do they have? Why am I scrutinized to the degree of telephone taps and private detectives following me? It sounds rediculous to even say. Am I paronoid to even say this? What is it that they can possible tell you that makes a difference? Did it make you happier to know how boring my life really is? Did it make you want to dig for more? Was it worth it? Does this even make sense to you?

I decided a long time ago when I first noticed it that I would ignore it because I have done nothing wrong. I'm not hiding anything. If my suspicions are true then nothing is found anyway, if not then I'm just on paranoid woman and I need an attitude adjustment. Now my balding, short, fat friend is in jeapordy fo losing another person near and dear to him. Now my friend, who has lost his wife and maybe has a crush on me but its not going anywhere, wants to call me occasionally and talk, I'm suppose to make a decision to stop talking to him. For what? Why?  Maybe that's something I need to figure out.

I turn it over to God. I will follow His orders and do whatever He wants me to do. His will is my desire. I'm going to pray on this tonight for some guidance and answers to this situation.

Good Morning

Good Mroning Lord. Thank you for another wonderful day. Thank you for waking me up this morning and allowing me to start on my way. Thank you Lord for all that you do for me. Thank you for all that you do for me everyday. Thank you for the little things. Especially thank you for all the big things.

I happy its Friday but it doesnt mean as much to me now that I am teaching Saturday classes. I'm definitely counting down the weeks on that.

I have to remember to get the emmision test today. Its a must.

Chin up, mind in gear for today, go out in the world and conquer someone's broken heart today. Give them some comfort and wise advice. Be a blessing to someone today. With much love have a wonderful day, today.

Thursday, February 2, 2006

Hi Honey

Today was a day I do not wan to ever repeat.

I have too much stuff in my room.

My principal paid me a surprise visit and I was definitely not at my best.

The  children were off the walls today. In school and in after school.

I have to go get my car emission tested tomorrow. I was supposed to do it today.

I need to write a script for the black history program which the eighth graders are presenting.

I need to do a lesson plan for The Diary of Ann Frank by Monday. I have children telling me they don't want to learn about anybody else but black people which doesn't help them in a world where their average word knowledge is 400-800 words and they are competing with people who have a word knowledge of 1300-1600 words. I have to increase their common knowledge. Where are the people who read to them, discuss with them, talk with them and encourage them to learn and read everything.

I need to critique and mail off letters to donors for props.

I need, I need, I need, .....

I am so tired. I woke up tired this morning. I made it through though. I am so glad tomorrow will be an early day where I can go home after school.

I need to wash clothes, go to the cleaners, and clean my room.

This has been such a busy week. Report Cards were due, preparing for the black history production, test prep for the students which will continue until the second week of March. OOOOOOHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well I am giong to look at some telly, then go to bed. 5am rolls around entirely too early. Have a good night sweetie and enjoy a good night's sleep.

Good Morning

Good Morning Father God. There are some things only the Father knows. Thank you for the things that create a loving, caring, and trusting relationship. Sometimes I do wrong sometimes I do right. Thank you for allowing me to come to the Father and just know I can rest in His Loving Protection. Thank you for another day. Thank you for the blessings that are coming my way. I still dream. I still have hope. I still believe. I just don't do a scene by scene, planned out, what I'm going to wear, what I'm going to say, how I'm going to do everything, dream. I try to see the big picture, leave the details to the One who can work those things out. I am tired. I woke up at 4 this morning and couldnt get back to sleep. I have to plan a test for my little angels for tomorrow.

Have a blessed day today and know that you are loved.

Wednesday, February 1, 2006

Good Morning

Good Morning Lord. I wll bless your name at all times. I thank you for waking me up this morning.

I sat here wondering what to say. I couldn't dream any more. I knew it would come to pass one day, but when I didn't know. Then God directed me to this passage for the second time this week.

"Yet I will wait patiently for the day of calamity to come on the nation invading us.

Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food,

though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls,

yet I will rejoice in the Lord.

I will be joyful in God my Savior.

The Sovereign Lord is my strength

he makes my feet like the feet of a deer

he enables me to go on the heights.

Habakkuk 3

I didn't get it until I heard you last night. Right now seems hopeless. Keep going. Right now people are challenging you. Keep going. Right now nothing looks like its working. Keep going. Right now you feel lonely and alone. Keep going.

I used to dream of cooking big meals for you and who ever came over. Always having something on the stove, in the oven. Making something delicious to share. Then I just stopped dreaming of that and anything else that really had something to do with a day to day existence. Am I feeling impatient, yes. Am I going my own way, no. Have I given up, no. Have I stopped trying, yes. I want it to be God's way or nothing at all. What do I have to do now, I don't know. Stay the course. Don't be discouraged. Keep getting up. Keep writing in this journal every, every, every, day.

So I begin each day with hope.  I trust in the Lord to show me the way and guide me. Trust. Hope.

Have a blessed day and be a blessing to someone. Know that you are loved very much.

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