Monday, February 28, 2005

OK

This is the last time I am going to say something about Saturday.

I had complained that we didn't have any mono y mono time and when the opportunity came up I missed it.

Working has really taken up a lot of my time and focus. I know that nd I'm sure you have noticed the quality of my entries has really changed.

I'm continuing to get a handle on the situation. I think now that I will only have the job and school (no second job) I will be able to focus more time on you.

I think I have sort of put this journal to the side for a time and in turn the relationship has suffered because of it. I lways saying I'm sorry. But I am sorry. Good Night.

I'm sorry for the confusion

I had to get off the computer yesterday and I am sorry for the confusing ending. I was trying to say are you still interested in me or not. I think that you are and so I will move forward with that assumption. I seem to constantly think you are going to change your mind.

Saturday would have been a perfect day for us to talk. We dont have another opportunity coming up either.

Sunday, February 27, 2005

Missed Opportunities

I have so many missed opportunities. I should have been more aware of the moment yesterday. I should have walked around the museum with you. I wasnt even thinking straight. My mind was elsewhere, I miss so may opportunities with you. I cant believe this is continuing. When do I get it right? Will I ever?  I think I was going through my jealousy stage yesterday. I knew that someone who seems to think they are going to be your next Mrs., was on the same bus with you and you have a very good realtionship with them. I just know if you were still interested in me or had moved on.

Prudence

I'm directed to be prudent this morning.

prudence- the exercise of thoughtful care, sound judgment, or discretion, cautious wisdom

Jeremiah 34 speaks of the covenant made to to people to set them free and how it was broken. God was notpleased.

After going to the Freedom Center yesterday I can only imagine the struggles that were taking place with this chapter. Very similar to the struggles of our slavery.

I pray for sound judgment and insight. Wisdom to be a discerning person of mind a spirit. Not to be a simpleton.

I keep my faith in the Lord Jesus Christ

John 14:1 "Do not let your hearts be troubled, Trust in God, trust also in me."

I hope all was well with the church, with the alarms and everything. You have lots of major responsibilities and I surely don't want to worry you with trivial stuff. You have lots of people who depend on you to be focused and strong for them.

On of the ladies remarked yesterday that they always feel comfortable and safe when on a trip with the church, the men take care of us and give us a sense of protection. I agree totally. You give a sense of protection and comfort when we are out. We don't want any strya zebras wandering off. Your guidance and control makes it easy for us to submit to your authority. Someone has to be in authority and its evident that you are comfortble in that role.

I end now to get ready,

John14:27 "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."

Friday, February 25, 2005

Good Evening

I am finally home.

I had to go over to my dad's and help with some paperwork stuff.

Then come home and try to relax, take a nap or something before I have to get up at 3 AM. so I can be on time. I don't want to be left behind.

Today was a step forward. Its one step forward, one step backward, two steps forward, one step backward. Who knows what it will be like on Monday. I feel much better than I did a week ago.

Today I listened to an old bible study tape on my drive around the area. It was from 1999. Breaking down strongholds. I just happened to pick it up and it was so appropriate. It was the Tuesday before Ash Wednesday, Clinton had just admitted something in the Rose Garden and the Senate was closed the week before. Your message was good. We have the keys. We have the authority. Satan is defeated and we do not need to fear him.

I have to go pick up my daughter from work then come back and go to bed immediately. Immediately.

Take Care and Be Blessed. Some Date Night, its like a let down after the last two.

Thursday, February 24, 2005

Hello

Hi, I try to send you a message during the day if I am not able to send one before I leave home. Sometimes its just a short note to say hi and let you know I am thinking about you.

Today was not such a good day.There were good parts and there were bad parts.

"Those who expect to reap the blessings of freedom, must, like men, undergo the fatigue of supporting it." Thomas Paine

Good Morning

Good Morning

I hope you are doing well this morning. All is well here

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

My Day

Today was a much better day.

I talked to a parent of one of my most troublesome students and it made a world of difference. Of course his attitude was much different with his father in the room. I just love it when their parents come up  suddenly, all that attitude is gone.

Oh well, it was a good day for me.

I did have a better relationship with the students also, in general. We are working together much better. The trouble makers understand that there are consequences and that its just a matter of time. I prayed and prayed and continue to pray to ask to put a hedge of protection around the school, around the children and their families and the teachers, staff and their families. I pray everyday that the our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ protects us in every endeavour. I put those prayers at the alter yesterday and I believe that's why today was a better day. I prayed on the way home, when I got home and when I woke up this morning. I prayed on my way home today also. God just continued to tell me to not be afraid, just believe in Him, and I did, I do, and I will.

I hope you had a good day today. I'm sure you were very busy as usual. I have to correct papers tonight and do some planning. I am trying to get to the point where I don't have to bring anything home. I seem to stay until 4-4:30pm anyway, so I need to be more productive during that time. Its so much to do, though.

This is the beginning of week four for me and I think that's why its feeling better. Also I didnt have to work this evening and tomorrow. I don't plan on being there all this week since I wont be there on Saturday either. Now, I really must do something else away from the computer. Take Care and have a blessed evening.

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Good Night

I hope you had a safe flight. Our prayer service was so go this evening. Our prayers for your safety, your health and general well being were very good. Heart felt prayers. I believe you will take this church to new levels. God will direct you to glorify his purpose and kingdom on Earth. Jesus loves us, and he will deal with groups and individuals who don't uphold the truth. I ask Jesus to provide me with the encouragement I need to make myself a channel of his grace and goodness to others.

"Salt is good, but if it loses its saltiness, how can you make it salty again? Have salt in yourselves, and be at peace with each other." Mark 9:50

Good Night, My King.

Good Morning

Good Morning

I'm just taking a minute to say hello.

I hope you have a blessed day. I drove in this morning listening to you  from bible study. I also prayed for you intensely this morning. I hope you have a good day.

Be blessed and be a blessing to someone. See you this evening.

Monday, February 21, 2005

Good Morning

 

I hope you are having a good day. I am enjoying the fact that I don't have school today. I do have school this evening and I am doing my homework now. Of course I have grades to put in my grade book and a lesson plan for this week. I'm trying to do all of this before 1 or 2 pm because I need to go over my dad's house. and try to get there and back to Naperville by 6pm. Oh, and I do need to wash and do some grocery shopping for this week, so I can take my lunch.

I have a classroom pledge that I have the students say every morning,

Today I will do my best to be the best.
Today, I will listen.
Today, I will follow directions.
Today, I will be honest.
Today, I will respect the rights of others.
Today, I can learn.
Today, I will learn.
You see, Today, I know it's all up to me.

Susan A.

I believe everyday is a new day to try and get it right. For me, my students, anyone. Everyday we wake up we have another chance.

Take Care and have a Blessed Day, I have to get back to work.

Sunday, February 20, 2005

God's Blessings

 

 

We have been so blessed. You have given this community a wonderful arena to have all kinds of God's messengers to visit us and give us hope.This past month has been so special. Today it was really a magnificent, extraordianary, experience to have Mr. Paul at our church. His story was so touching. Especially after having seen the movie I truly could relate to the moments he spoke of. Had I not seen the movie, I would still relate because of his style of bringing his audience in to the subject, but I am just glad I did.

I wonder what our story will be ten years from now? I pray that we have a story to tell. One thing I would like to stress is that we stick together. Not for us to spend one night apart if we can help it. Not to go to bed angry, forgive each other, we are only human. Not to let others influence us with matters that are just not about us. Its so easy to love you.You are wonderful, you are a child of  God. Be blessed and be a blessing to someone.

Good Morning

Good Morning

I'm planning on leaving early so I can get an oil change first. The weather is miserable so I want to try to be careful. I look forward to seeing you soon. Be Blessed.

Saturday, February 19, 2005

Getting Priorities Straight

I am praying that God will help me get my priorities straight.

I have too many irons in the fire. I am so tired today. Of course I had to work this morning after a vrey exhaustive week.

Yesterday was so terrible. The children were absolutely awful to me and the constant cursing me out and negative behavior  just took its toll after a week.

As soon as I got home, we left to me my friends for dinner. My daughter and my mother also went with me, my friend and her husband. He's a chef and he gets an expense account every month as a promotion. They invite different people each month to the restaurant and this month it was my family. We really enjoyed ourselves and I needed something good to happen to me that day.

I think part of my problem is that I still have a substitute attitude and they know it. I haven't taken ownership of my class. I still act as if I am temporary. It's mine now and I need to take ownership. I need to act like its mine and embrace them more. Not hug  and stuff, Just beging to let them know that I'm there, I'm not leaving. The good ones ask every day, are you coming back? Did the scare you away? I tell them everyday, I'll be back, I'm in this for the long haul. I have to start acting like its mine. Put my signature on the room. Decorate it in my style. Incorporate my teaching styles in the lessons and not just try to do what someone else was doing. Being pulled in in the middle of the school year doesnt help either.  

This makes me think of you too.  I need to stop whatever I'm doing that's indicting to me that I am temporary. I need to take ownership.

I saw Hotel Rwanda today. Finally. I truly believe its a love story. You have to stick together, you have to believe in one another. It's so important. Believing in each other is so important. Knowing that you are important to me and I need you to survive. I need to know that you care when I haven't written. I need to know that you care if  you don't see me when you are suppose to see me. I need to know that I matter in your life and that I'm not disposable. I believe in God and I believe he would not bring me this far to leave me. I have not, and will not give up on God's Plan for my life.

The family that prays together stays together, and we are family. I didn't get my glasses. I gave the money to my daughter so she could get her books for school. I'll get glasses next month.

Friday, February 18, 2005

Good Morning

Good Morning

I hope everything is going well in your life. I am at school. I left early so I can get use to leaving at seven everyday.

I gave my resignation yesterday. I'm glad that part is over. Now just get through the four weeks. Its Friday and I'm looking forward to three days off.

Just a note to say hello.

Thursday, February 17, 2005

Good Evening

I gave them my resignation today. Its official. March 17th is my last day.

Another day with rebellious students. They need new security on that floor. We need two six foot tall burly, men to get these young men in line. We have one male and one female. Both are pretty useless. The male is about, maybe five feet tall., maybe 90 pounds, a black Don Knotts. The female, just happy to have a job. We need some real authority to challenge these youngster. They are coming into their own manhood now and they have no male image at home, the  fact that they have females at home and at school, keeps them defiant. Enough about them.

How was your day? I'm looking forward to tomorrow. Plus we have a three day weekend. Yeah!

I am going out to dinner with friends tomorrow. My daughter is also coming. We will be in Schaumburg.

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Now for the Evening

Hi,

I told you yesterday how my mornings go now I will tell you how my evenings usually go. On Mondays I have a class so I have to get out to Naperville by 6:15. With all of the traffic and the general clean up that has to take place in the room I try to leave my classroom by 3- 3:30. Traffic of course is a bear and I spend anywhere from one hour thirty to two hours in traffic. So thats usually a full day from 5:40am until10:00 or later. On Tuesdays its been work and then I will stay late and clean up and organize the room, go to the library, sometimes have dinner, and then off to bible study. Wednesday I will leave right away to get to work, which will take me about an hour or so because I will use 88 and 355 but I dont like to use them too often because of the tolls. Thurs is the same as Wednesday. By the time Friday rolls around I am totally exhausted. If there is something in the evening I will got to church otherwise I am at home, fighting the traffic of course. Fridays I will also meet with my school mentor so I dont leave until 5pm or so. Saturday morning off to work. Saturday afternoon, I go to a movie, in the evening I am usually at home. Sunday in the morning I go to church afternoons I was going to work again but not anymore. Thats what I have been doing the past three weeks and it has been exhausting. One last thing to get off my chest.

When I thanked you for blessing me for getting a new job, that was sarcasm. At the house warming I told the principal that I had a new job and she was so elated. Wehn she asked you to say a blessing for me, you said, "Oh she doesnt need that, she'll be alright." That hurt my feelings. I knew you were mad anyway, so I said nothing. Then, I decided I would start a private journal and not write in this anymore. In a private journal you can invite anyone in who you want. You just have to know their screen name and then you allow that name access.Everyone can't come in. I have a new screen name and everything. I would tell you mine and you would tell me your screen name. I don't even know your screen name. I was going to invite you to the private journal. Maybe then a real conversation could begin between us. But I didnt because you went a different direction. I want to stop the wrong meanings and wrong guesses and impressions. We have to talk if this is real.

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Hello

I'm checking in. I know I haven't given you details of my goings and comings and I am sorry. My goings and comings are just that, going to work and coming home from work. My day usually starts about 5:40, or at least that's when the alarm goes off. I try to get up and get moving. Usually by Thursday I am hitting the snooze button for ten or twenty extra minutes. I try to fix my lunch, fix some tea and a bagel for the ride and hit the road by seven. Give or take fifteen minutes. Traffic is always slow, usually takes an hour fifteen minutes to get there, sometimes more. Wehen I get there, I have to lug my bag to the elevator and go up to the third floor. My room, which I have been trying to decide how I am going to decorate, is usually locked and I have to fumble with the keys until I get the right one. The staff is nice. They are all very supportive and are happy I have decided to work with them. The children are another story. They are mad they have a new teacher in the middle of the school year, they are also confused because their old teacher is still in the building, he got a promotion, so they want to see him and he doesn't really have time for them. I  have the worst seventh grade class in the school. I have been told this by the dean and the other teachers. There are about five or six real trouble makers and they challenge me everyday. The rest are just constantly talking. They have little respect for most teachers and I am no exception. We connect more each day, its a process. I am preparing them for a presentation for black history month next Thurs. Not all of them are hard to handle, but they all have their problems, just different ones. The staff has given me presents every day. They had a secret pal for Feb. and those who joined, received three or four gifts leading up to the big gift that was exchanged today. We had a half a day for the students. The staff had a lunch and then a meeting. ISAT is the big thing now. I'm now teaching sixth and eight grade math for ISAT testing. I have my seventh graders for the science portion. I havent quit at my other job yet but I will tomorrow. I have to give them four weeks notice. They were adjusting my schedule, but it just doesnt help. I am exhausted and I am tired of being tired.

I have to stop now because I still have papers to grade and update my lesson plan. I will try to get to bed by midnight. I hope this gives you an idea of my hectic life right now.You are never far from my thoughtsand just knowing that you miss me and would like to know more encourages me to write. Thank You.

Good Morning

Good Morning

I hope you had a good evening at the movies.

I look forward to seeing you this evening.

One day I am going to have a chance to put in a real entry.

Gotta go, traffic is always bad when it rains.

Be Blessed and Be a Blessing to Someone.

Monday, February 14, 2005

Happy Valentine's Day

Good Morning and God Bless

"The Heart" Print

Happy Valentine's Day!

I hope you have fun with the youth tonight.

I can't join you, I have a Monday night class and I have missed it once already. I signed up for the Lecturer and Commentators Ministry and the meeting was on a Monday night. I can't miss two classes.

I hope you have a blessed day and that it is absolutely wonderful for you. Lots of love and affection. Take Care and Be Blessed.

Sunday, February 13, 2005

I give you my heart

Today, I gave you my heart.

I give it to you with no strings attached.

I only ask that you take care of it.

Please don't break it.

I wanted to actually give it to you, but circumstances prevented that.

None the less, I hope it was given to you, I was assured you would receive it.

I have to do my lesson plans and correct some papers. Take Care and have a blessed evening.

Saturday, February 12, 2005

I willingly and readily do anything for God

Hello

Last night was wonderful. Thank you again for bringing great talent to our sanctuary. I look forward to Sunday.

It is so important to make contact with you daily.

I get angry with myself if I havent made an entry.

I want to do what ever you need me to do.

I want to be what ever you need me to be.

I will change to be whatever you need me to be.

I want to please you .

I'm tired, I look forward to tomorrow.

Thursday, February 10, 2005

Lord, Lord, Lord

"Footprints - Psalm 138:7 NIV" Poster

My Lord love me.

I don't have to do four hours on Sunday!!

They found someone to do the first two hours.

I can come to the 11:15!!!

All things work together for the good, for those that love the Lord.

After I told you I didnt understand Daniel 5,  I suddenly got it during the night.

I get it. I know I am suppose to be there. Its going to be ok.

Wednesday, February 9, 2005

Lord, Make Me Over

Do an extreme makeover on me Lord.

I wonder how you can put up with me sometimes.

Tell me what to do, tell me exactly what to do.

Tell me exactly what to say, how to do it and when to make it happen.

Make me over. I ask God if this is where he wants me, if this is what he wants me to be and do, I need an answer. I need help. Direct me, guide me. Make me over. He directs me to you. So you need to tell me, guide me, and make me over.

I keep getting directed to Daniel 5 when I ask God if he wants me ath that school. What does that me? Help me out dear.

Good Morning

Good Morning, Good Morning

I was up at 5:30, out of the house at 6:40 and here by 8am.

Not one parent showed.

Oh well.

Tuesday, February 8, 2005

I'm Still Up

I listened to the whole sermon. It was great.

I know there is more for me thatn this.

This situation is only temporary.

Take Care and have a good night. I have nine parent conferences in the morning.

I plan to be at Ash Wednesday Service.

Be Blessed and Be a Blessing to Someone.

Good Evening, I'm Home

Hello, how are you?

I'm listening to the Sunday service.

I will write more when its over.

Take Care.

Good Morning

Good Morning, My Love

Have a wonderful, blessed day.

Monday, February 7, 2005

Good Evening

Hello, and good evening.

I couldn't go to bed without putting something in my journal.

I feel like you are probably saying, pooh on this job of yours. Its taking you away from me. I agree, but I have to do it for now and I have to put the time in so that I get it right. I knew these first few weeks would be very demanding until I got the hang of it.

I havent had a chance to listen to Sunday's service yet. I'm trying to find a sub for Wednesday so I can come to Ash Wednesday service.

Its hard for me to concentrate now. I'm tired. I will have to get up early and make an entry. In the meantime good night and sleep well.

Sunday, February 6, 2005

Sundays

After some collaboration I will have Sundays off after I train someone next Sunday.

I have to train them for the whole four hours, so I won't be at the 11:15 next week. I am going to the 8:30 service. From the website it looks like no bible study this week also.

I'm working on my lesson plans for the week and have to leave here in twenty minutes.

Enjoy your day.

Good Afternoon

I have had a busy morning.

I was in the city to drop off chicken and my tithes. Then back home to get ready for this event. Then, when I get back,  I am told I can't attend. I might say or do something to embarrass her, so she doesn't want me to attend. She doesn't want me to to embarrass her. She constantly talks down to me and about me but she doesn't want me to embarrass her. She could have told me sooner, I could have made other plans. Oh well, our ACT class is starting an hour earlier so I guess the day isn't a total loss. No internet broadcast. This just isn't working for me today.

Saturday, February 5, 2005

Good Morning

This has been a very busy week for me. School, church activities,work, family. Its been one big juggling act. Now work today.  No matter what I have to take the time to say good morning to you.

God's will be done on earth as it is in heaven. I have lesson plans this afternoon and then relaxing. I don't know if I'll get my movie in this week or not.

I have to make some adjustments in this schedule.

Take Care and have a blessed day.

Friday, February 4, 2005

Hello

I'm sorry I did not get to make an entry this morning. I have been in the habit of making entries and I miss it when I don't.

I miss having some contact with you first thing in the morning.

I know you are probably on your way to Trinity right now so it will be late when you read this. This is date night. I am currently waiting for my Dad to return from his doctor's visit. He almost had to stay in the hospital, but he convinced them to let him go home. He has to return on Monday. It begins.

I hope you have a good evening and are able to reach the singles. I'm sure you will.

Thursday, February 3, 2005

Good Night

Just checking in before I go to bed. I hope you had a good day and got lots of stuff done.

My day was interesting. It was long. Too long.  I'm tired.

I'm going to bed now.

Good Morning

Today, I'm here another day. I don't want to forget to thank God for that. I spent my prayer time praising God and thanking him for today.

God has seen fit to wake me this morning and I am happy he did.

I look forward to being with my students after having been gone for a day.

I'll have to tell you about them. They are quite the group. But I think we fit. There are some rough edges, but with time we can smooth some of that out.

Well, off to school. Be blessed and be a blessing to someone today.

Wednesday, February 2, 2005

Everyday

Every morning I sit at this computer,

whether I leave a message or not, I am here.

I won't be at the singles event or Unity Sunday.

Parental obligations. My parents. Dad on Friday and Mom on Sunday.

I will see you on Tuesday. I will probably drop of something early Sunday Morning.

I really do care a lot.

Church - My Love, My Heart

The Lord is My Shepard

"The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures;

He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul; He guides me in the paths

of righteousness for His name's sake.

Even through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me;

Your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

Your prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You have

annointed my head with oil; My cup overflows. Surely goodness and mercy will

follow me all the days of my life, And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever."

23rd Psalm

" My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me:

And I give unto them eternal life;

and they shall never perish,

neither shall any man pluck them out of my hand."

St. John 10:27-28

"For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you HOPE and a FUTURE."

Jeremiah 29:11

I have not strayed.

Followers

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